Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Lily Faith

Had a mostly boring day today, but I got in an ANGRY funk after I picked the kids up from school. Was just one stupid thing after another, clingy baby yelling while I tried to cook, kids leaving their school bags and junk all over the floor of the breakfast room.... nothing major, just got me mad. But good little girl that I am, I called my sponsor to check in. She very astutely made the connection that I had been on a relaxing 'vacation' last week, and that since I've gotten home it's been non-stop responsibility and stuff going on. I hadn't thought of it that way, but she was right on the money. Had a birthday party for the Boy, had single-mom duty all day for Easter festivities since the Man was home sick as a dog, blah blah blah busy busy busy, and suddenly today I'm blowing a gasket over nothing major. This is why I love my sponsor, she has a gift for putting things into perspective.

At my meeting tonight I also thought of something else that was creeping up in the corners of my mind today..... tomorrow is the seventh anniversary of my miscarriage. It stirs up a variety of emotions, some bad, some actually good. Losing Lily was a catalyst for a lot of positive things in my life, the first being my sobriety. God used that loss to bring me to my knees, and I got sober two months later. The story is long, because I don't really know how to tell stories that are short. I won't try to tell it all now, as I've written it out many times before and don't feel the need to do that tonight. It was one of the most traumatic events of my life, and I know that anniversaries have a way of pulling things to the surface. But, God is SO good, and He has given me such peace and comfort over the years. I am so grateful, even in the face of loss. He always gives me beauty for ashes.

1 comment:

Trish D said...

You know, I think it's the "little stuff" that drags us down more than the biggies. When something major happens, our friends gather round, we remember to go to our Heavenly Father for strength (which admittedly I don't necessarily do as much as I should with "normal" stuff), and just make more of a conscious effort to hold it together. But the whiny kids, messes, cooking, laundry, driving, etc. can so easily pile up until we're at our breaking points. Yep, Mommy anger is definitely an issue at this house.

Praying for you!