So, where to start, where to start.... I usually dread March 1st, thinking it will be painful and I'll spend the day sad and small. However, I don't think I had five minutes to spare to myself today in which to spend regretting the past. My day officially began at midnight when I thought about what it used to be like when I could go to bed and actually STAY THERE. The Boy couldn't sleep because of growing pains in his knees, so he was up several times before I got him settled with ice packs in the recliner. The Barnacle coughed most of the night, and I got him out of bed around 1am to give him a treatment. I went to sleep sometime after 1:30.
I had already known I would have to miss MOPS this morning since the Barnacle's eye funk has not cleared up and he's on the drops 3x a day yet again. (mental note: write a blog about the joys of putting drops into the eyes of an angry 17 month old who has octopus arms)(another mental note: buy a catcher's mask) So I was bummed about missing out on adult conversation and snacks. I didn't have time to really fuss much about it though, as I had a mountain of laundry to catch up on, cleaning, dishes, and the never-ending housewife list. I got the Princess and the Boy both to school (at 9 and 1) and the Barnacle down for a way-too-short-nap, grabbed a shower and then was out the door. The pediatrician confirmed that the Barnacle does indeed have junky lungs as I suspected, so he's back on the nebulizer yet again. Since he has been sick like this so much this winter, she has also now put him on a steroid. So he gets treatments four times a day, two of which have the steroid along with the Albuterol. Have I mentioned that the Barnacle hates these treatments? No? Well he hates them. A lot. And he has to be on the steroid for 1-2 months. Booyah.
So off we go to the pharmacy, then run out of time because they have to call the pediatrician since they can't read her chicken scratch, so I leave and go pick up the kids from school. Back to the pharmacy yet again to pick up all three prescriptions since the Albuterol you mix with the Pulmicort is not the same as the regular Albuterol. Did you get all that? So now we're home again and kids need snacks and dinner needs to be started and the Barnacle is throwing matchbox cars at the cat. Oh, and called my father who is out of state visiting my sister, because his birthday is coming up.
And really, I could go on and on, but the point is -- I was so busy with my full and crazy life today, that I did not have time to spend my day moping about in my pajamas. I needed today to not be excruciatingly painful and it wasn't. I made the worst decision of my life 13 years ago today. I will never recover from it, I will bear the scars for the rest of my life. But the Lord continues to give me beauty for ashes, and today He blessed me with a bustling kind of day that left me smiling at my happy little life, and not filled with pain and grief. I lit two candles tonight, and thought about how far I have come since that day 13 years ago. I am thankful, so thankful that my heart is bursting, with the love and peace that He has given me. I do still have days where the pain overwhelms me, and I don't know how to cope with it. But today was not one of those days. He has given me beauty for ashes.