Friday, July 30, 2010


As of today, I have 9 years, 1 month and 18 days in sobriety. Pretty sweet, right? As the Big Ten approacheth, I find myself more and more amazed by how awesome sobriety is. It's like a never-ending gift. Every day I find more things to be thankful for. I try to make gratitude an action in my life, rather than just a feeling. It makes my life that much sweeter, and I'm blessed to give back when I can.
My lovely friend Kate was recently in a car accident caused by someone under the influence. This is a very humbling thing for me, because I drove drunk so very many times. I went slowly and tried to take side roads rather than main ones, but only because I didn't want to get stopped by a cop, not out of any concern for the safety of others.
This is one of the glaring actions from my years of drinking that I really don't like to think about, nor tell others about. It's so awful, thinking of the damage that I could have so easily done. I remember being the designated driver for a bachelorette party, and hiding how much I drank from the ladies. It was at a noisy club, and I would go to the bar alone to get someone else a drink. I would order two for myself, finish one before I got back to the table, and drink half the other to make it look like I still was carrying the same drink I had all night. I don't know how any of them thought that I was ok to drive us all home, except that they were all inebriated as well I suppose. It makes me sick to my stomach if I think too much about what could have happened that night, or any other night that I drove home.
I'm so thankful that Kate and her boys are fine, and I pray that that woman is knocked into a huge reality check about her addiction. Someone on PostSecret recently said that she didn't have one of the 'glamorous' addictions, but was addicted to food. But there is no such thing as a glamorous addiction. "An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature." (Big Book, p. 25) It's hideous and selfish, dark and desperate.
I thank God every day for bringing me out of that darkness.

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