The Great Obsession

"The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker." (page 30, Big Book of AA)

It's Saturday, and we're heading to a barbecue later this afternoon. There will likely be lots of alcohol present, as this is at the house of an 'old' friend from back in the day. We haven't seen them in years, so it will be nice to catch up.

It's a gift for me to be able to attend things like this without fear. I used to live in a state of white-knuckled anxiety when attending events where alcohol was served. And for someone in early recovery, avoiding your old people, places & things is very important. You need to get your head on straight before you can even consider being around old drinking friends again, and even then, you have to be cautious.

These days I'm not afraid of being offered a drink, or of looking out of place while empty-handed. I'm comfortable saying, 'No thanks.' I have an exit plan, I know where my own cup is, I don't drink anything that I myself didn't pour. I don't have to miss out, or live in fear, or dread the inevitable hangover. Life is good.

Gratitude

As of today, I have 9 years, 1 month and 18 days in sobriety. Pretty sweet, right? As the Big Ten approacheth, I find myself more and more amazed by how awesome sobriety is. It's like a never-ending gift. Every day I find more things to be thankful for. I try to make gratitude an action in my life, rather than just a feeling. It makes my life that much sweeter, and I'm blessed to give back when I can.

My lovely friend Kate was recently in a car accident caused by someone under the influence. This is a very humbling thing for me, because I drove drunk so very many times. I went slowly and tried to take side roads rather than main ones, but only because I didn't want to get stopped by a cop, not out of any concern for the safety of others.

This is one of the glaring actions from my years of drinking that I really don't like to think about, nor tell others about. It's so awful, thinking of the damage that I could have so easily done. I remember being the designated driver for a bachelorette party, and hiding how much I drank from the ladies. It was at a noisy club, and I would go to the bar alone to get someone else a drink. I would order two for myself, finish one before I got back to the table, and drink half the other to make it look like I still was carrying the same drink I had all night. I don't know how any of them thought that I was ok to drive us all home, except that they were all inebriated as well I suppose. It makes me sick to my stomach if I think too much about what could have happened that night, or any other night that I drove home.

I'm so thankful that Kate and her boys are fine, and I pray that that woman is knocked into a huge reality check about her addiction. Someone on PostSecret recently said that she didn't have one of the 'glamorous' addictions, but was addicted to food. But there is no such thing as a glamorous addiction. "An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature." (Big Book, p. 25) It's hideous and selfish, dark and desperate.

I thank God every day for bringing me out of that darkness.

Snack Bags

One of my favorite blogs is Angry Chicken. I won't attempt to describe her awesomeness, you can go check that out for yourself. I think I love her in a narcissistic fashion, however, because she uses made up words (as do I) and she does not like to pin things (nor do I). So really, she reminds me of myself. Only she has her crap together and I don't. But otherwise, very much alike. :P

Anyhow, she has a bunch of great tutorials on YouTube. She posted one recently on how to make these sweet little snack bags. I loved this idea, and made some myself. I used some scraps of fabric that came from my Gram's house, which made this project even better (for me anyway).

The boys especially like these, and have already had them filled several times with cereal to take in the car. I love that they are way less likely to make a crumby mess in my car, because you really have to turn them inside out & shake them to get stuff out; it doesn't just slip out. I just love how cute they are, and need to find more uses for them so I have an excuse to show them off.

This & That

How long have I neglected this category? I do so love to share my favorite web sites. :)

Food In Real Life - Very interesting look at what we're really buying & eating. It reminds me much of the Mouse Print site, which is one I posted ages ago. Both are helpful in raising the consumer's awareness of how advertisers think and promote their products. Even if you don't see specific products or foods that you buy, it really helps you think about your overall buying habits.

SwagBucks - I've been doing this for a few months and it's easy enough. You win Bucks by random searches, finding Swag Codes, referrals and so forth. You can then trade in your Bucks for prizes or Amazon cards etc. I haven't cashed mine in yet, just figured I would build up a big pile of them and see what I find that delights me. My friend Liz is racking up tons and planning to use them for Christmas shopping. Smarty! I have a Widget for this on the blog (bottom right), so if you're interested please click on it so I can greedily snatch up your referral bucks. ;)

Sally Stuart - This gal is the author of the Christian Writer's Market Guide that I bought recently. If you want to be a Christian writer, you should be reading this.

Shay's Super Special Sinus Surgery

Like the title? Alliteration is such fun. It also distracts me from the fact that I have been avoiding this surgery for years, blahhhhh.

I had a new CT scan done of my sinuses a few weeks back, and saw my ENT yesterday about the results. I knew five years ago that I needed surgery, but because we were trying to get pregnant then, I put it off. And then somehow *magically* five years passed. I'm not sure how that happens, but I'm pretty sure that one of the kids is turning the calendar ahead while I sleep. At any rate, I am now scheduled for surgery in September. I'll be having a septoplasty and a turbinectomy. (I'm on the fence about whether it's ok to make a turban-ectomy joke here, but I really want to.)

I understood what the doctor explained to me, but being the curious sort, I decided to google the procedures when I got home anyway. Yeah, that was a bad idea. You don't want to see the pictures involved with this. Here's a safer link that just describes the surgery. And if you look on this page you can see a scan that looks much like mine. (Maybe I'll scan mine in later, but I'm too lazy right now.) The 1st picture shows what it should look like inside, and the 5th & 6th pictures show more what mine look like. The turbinate is huge on the one side and blocking me all up. (How great is that 5th picture? It's like an alien head, haha!)

So now will begin the rest of the nonsense that goes with this, which would be seeing the allergist again to be re-tested (even though we already know that I'm allergic to everything), starting allergy shots (which I've also been putting off for the above mentioned time period), and figuring out how the Man can take a night off work (when we won't know what time the surgery will be until the night before) and of course asking friends & family to do my job with the kids for a few days. I can't decide which of these things I like the least, hence why I have put this surgery off all this time. Calling out sick has never really been an option for a stay-at-home-mom. I'm guessing that the Man will have to talk me out of cancelling it all entirely in the days ahead. I know that I'll feel better with the surgery, but seriously, it's just a giant pain in the butt.

And now that I'm done whining like a little girl about it, I'm off to do housework. Hoo-rah!

New York City

Time for a new layout! I wanted something a bit smoother & simpler. :)

I went to NYC with some girlfriends this past weekend. They are ladies from my original March 2002 Moms internet group, which I joined back when I was expecting the Boy in 2001. We have been through so much together, and I can't believe it's been so long. I have met many of them over the years (including Chrissy who never blogs!), but this trip I met two I hadn't before, which was a real treat.
We took a bus tour, which I highly recommend. It wasn't cheap, but we got to see so much of the city. I've been to NYC many times, but only seen a few of the touristy sights. We took the Downtown Tour, and added the Empire State Building and Statue of Liberty.I have to say, I was nervous about the trip! I was very squirrelly about not missing my train in & out of the city. And once I found and got on my train home, I had a crazy moment of panic where I thought, 'What if I got on the wrong train?! I won't know until we're already moving, when he comes to punch my ticket! GAHHHH!' But I'm an obsessive nerd, because I had checked the departing trains schedule like 19 times and of course got on the right one. Anyhow, the ride up was quiet, and gave me 90 minutes to read a new Ted Dekker book. The ride home I read a little bit, but also chatted with the man sitting next to me. It went much faster than I thought it would, and overall the day did too. I was ready to go home though, it was exhausting!

Waiting in line to get into the security tent for the Statute of Liberty ferry was crazy. The line was huge, and the heat was over 100 degrees at that point. Needless to say we bought a LOT of water from street vendors!

This was the first time I have been to the site of the World Trade Center. I've been in NYC since 9/11, but never wanted to go. It was just as surreal as I expected it to be. I don't know if the other side is more open, but the side we were on was almost completely fenced, so you couldn't see much. They did have a link posted where you can see the WTC Progress.

This was also the first time I've ever been to the top of the Empire State Building, which was amazing!

{this moment}

"{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember."

AA Humor

Because we need to laugh at our former selves!

This & That

We had Kidz Kamp (also known as vacation bible school) this week at church. We averaged 250 kids a day, and 90 staff members. What a wild ride! I was on the snack team this year and it was honestly too easy and fun to be considered work. The curriculum was Backstage with the Bible by the Go Fish guys. The songs were catchy and fun and thankfully not annoying like most children's music.

I lost 3 pounds this week. With an intestinal bug. Good times.

My wallet has been relocated by the Tyrant. PRAYING that I find it soon.

I'm rediscovering why I should not be allowed to live schedule-free. I have been sleeping in too much and being way too lazy. I haven't felt good in months and I've been using that as an excuse to be even lazier. My digestive problems aren't going to solve themselves, so I need to go back to the gastroenterologist and have the dreaded colonoscopy done. I just don't wanna.

The Man and I are refinancing our mortgage. Interest rates are so sweet right now! We're taking 7 years off the mortgage, that's how good it is!

It's hot! Is summer almost done yet??

EDIT: I heard yesterday at church that we had a total of 323 kids over the course of the week - awesome! And 120 total staff. We raised $2700 for the Hamptons, which was matched and increased to $5500! Praise God! (The Hamptons are missionaries who need funds to build themselves a cinderblock house. The money we raised gets them a THIRD of the way to building it. Can you imagine your house costing 15 grand to make??) And most importantly.... 25 children accepted Jesus as their Savior. *goosebumps*

Lindsay Goes To Rehab

Lindsay Lohan entered rehab on advice of new lawyer in attempt to stay out of jail, source says

Oh Lindsay Lindsay Lindsay. I wish I could say something about how disappointed I am, but seriously, this ridiculous girl reminds me too much of my own past for me to feel entitled to a lecture. I really do honestly hope that she gets it during this time in rehab..... but realistically, going for the sole purpose of avoiding jail time doesn't smack too loudly of a heartfelt desire to get sober. I know there's a chance of her learning something while she's there though, and hopefully they can get through to her.

"We thought "conditions" drove us to drink, and when we tried to correct these conditions and found that we couldn't do so to our entire satisfaction, our drinking went out of hand and we became alcoholics. It never ocurred to us that we needed to change ourselves to meet conditions, whatever they were." ~ 12 & 12, page 47

{this moment}

I'm not usually a fan of those weekly things, such as Tuesday Tales or Sunday Sillies, or whatever people call them. Not that I don't ever enjoy reading when someone else does it, but it's just not my thing. But, I am really fond of {this moment}, a weekly ritual held by SouleMama. She's one of my most favorite bloggers. Her pictures inspire me to learn more about photography, and her posts move me to live more organically, which is not something that comes naturally to this suburban girl. So, in her words...

"{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember."

Click Beetles

They've invaded. *shudder* I haven't seen one in this house in two years. Since last night, I have squished or flushed about a dozen. Oh I hate those things! I am not a person who is overly squirmy about bugs, but any bug that can drop on your head at any moment I have a bit of a problem with. I was once laying in bed and heard the tiny *click*, and then felt it land on my head. BAHHH! Go away!

I was just about to end this post, and I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING, one seriously just landed on the keyboard. GAHHHHHH!

Remembering Michael

It's been a year since the death of Michael Jackson. He still fascinates and troubles me. I recently watched a mini-series about his life that focused on his childhood and how his father created the Jackson 5. It was interesting but truly heart-breaking, and you could really see how he was broken bit by bit over the years.

I bought his Ones cd as a birthday present to myself over the weekend, and have been playing it just enough to annoy the Man, but not so much that I'm sick of it yet. I hope that Michael is in heaven, though I know it's likely that he's not. I'm sad for his kids, and I hope his mother protects them better than she protected her own kids.