Thursday, March 8, 2012

Struggling

I started taking a generic form of Synthroid a week ago, in an effort to bring down my TSH levels and get my thyroid to function correctly. I had high hopes for this because I have struggled with fatigue for as long as I can remember. In the past six months or so it got worse, combined with heart palpitations, hair loss, forgetfulness and muscle tremors.

After seven days I called my doctor today to tell him that not only am I not feeling any better, I feel about fifty times worse. I am so exhausted all day that I can barely keep my eyes open, and I have nausea all day long. I'm also non-stop starving and have gained two pounds. The muscle tremors are out of control. I mopped the family room today and afterwards couldn't stop shaking for hours. I'm on an emotional roller coaster where I'm joyful one minute and hysterically crying the next. I feel as if I'm going mad.

My doctor told me to stop taking the medication, and let it clear out of my system for two weeks. He said to call him after that and we'll talk about the options.

I just keep praying to God, and all I can say is 'Help.' I don't know what to ask for. There seem to be no answers or solutions and I just feel defeated. I don't feel that way all the time, because the emotional roller coaster is great that way. I was at the chiropractor yesterday, completely in knots and he was very concerned. He said I didn't even feel like me. He asked me how my stress level was and I said medium? I don't even know. It was the longest adjustment I've ever had, with deep tissue massage, this technique and that technique, and much pain. He finally got me all straightened out, and I told him that I had started taking a medication for my thyroid. He told me that the thyroid is 'his thing' and he loaned me a book. He's concerned that I could have Hashimoto Disease. I can't even let my mind go there at this point. He said it would mean giving up some things. I said you don't even know all that I've already given up. I quit smoking and got sober and lost weight and eat whole grains and tons of vegetables and I still feel awful. The unfairness of it just sucks.

Lord, show me the light in this darkness. Lead me out, because I don't know where I'm going or how to get there. I trust you, but I'm lost. Amen.

ps
I just ate four Twix bars. Lest anyone think that Tom is not taking good care of me during my foray into insanity.

3 comments:

Jeff and Meg said...

I will be praying for you. :)

BeLoVed AiMeE said...

well this post just sucks eggs! I'm sorry friend. I will pray for you. <3 love you.

KateO said...

oh man. I'm sorry you're going through this right now. Hope you feel better soon.