Yesterday was Debby's service. They call it a Celebration of Life service. I find that annoying, but that's because I'm crabby and cynical I suppose. A new name doesn't change that it's a funeral. I do like that they celebrated her life, and family & friends shared great memories. Debby herself said we weren't allowed to cry at her funeral. I wasn't capable of obeying her on that one. I don't think anyone was.
I can celebrate Debby's life. I can celebrate that she is now healthy and cancer-free. I can celebrate all of the amazing memories we made together. But I'm not ready to do that yet. I need to mourn. I am angry and heartbroken, and I need to process that before I am ready to rejoice for her. The truth is that Debby was taken too soon. She had much more good to do and it's wrong and unfair that she is dead. She was like a mother to hundreds of kids and could have been to hundreds more. There is no making this ok. God will bring us peace in the days to come, and He will heal our hearts and comfort us. He promises in Romans to work all things together for good for those who love Him, and who are called according to His purposes. I know He will do that. This is where I place my hope and where I will find my joy in the days to come. There is a time to mourn, and this is that time for me. But I don't mourn without hope.
3 comments:
It will never be better - only different - Praying for you!!
I don't like the Celebration Of Life either. Funeral is too depressing... I prefer Memorial. That's what it is. Remembering. Paying Tribute.
You're supposed to mourn...be angry, sad, cry, ... the healing process wouldn't happen if it didn't ever need to start. But then again, do we ever really heal from grief? We just adapt to it, accepting it into our lives and embracing the new reality we find ourselves in. And God helps us all along the way. Love you Shay <3
Hugs Shay.
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