Gram

{Gram with her four children}

My grandmother is in the hospital with pneumonia, and it doesn't look good. I hate living 400 miles away, because I'd really like to just go sit with her for a bit, and hold her hand, and talk with her while I still can. She could pull through; she's awfully sturdy that way, and even pneumonia at age 92 could just be a nuisance to her rather than a dire illness.

They're giving her increasing amounts of oxygen. They're making her comfortable with morphine. She is gasping for breath but pulls the oxygen mask off if they try to put it on her, only tolerating the cannula. Maybe it will be days or weeks. Maybe she'll surprise us all and recover.  The waiting, the not knowing.... it's very hard.

I've prayed for a long time that God would be gracious to my Gram, and that He would not let her reach the point with the Alzheimer's that she is a vegetable, wearing a diaper in a lockdown unit with no idea who she is anymore. I asked Him to let her die with dignity when the time comes. I know that this could be part of His merciful plan. I know all of this. Now I just need strength to face it.