Wednesday, May 25, 2011

At Risk Moms

A few years ago I sank into an 18 month journey with depression. It wasn't my first go-round with it, but it was my first time dealing with it in sobriety. I couldn't drink it away and had no idea what to do. At the encouragement of the nonblogging friend, I saw my doctor and started on an anti-depressant. The good news is that I did eventually come out of my depression. The bad news is that the medication did not help me, and a year later I was twenty pounds heavier (a side effect of the last prescription I tried) and still felt miserable.

I was talking to my sponsor one day and she asked me if I would be open to talking to someone, like a therapist. I said I wasn't opposed to it, but that I didn't see the point. I wasn't upset about anything, and I looked at the depression like a medical condition and nothing more. I had no idea what I was talking about.

The truth was that my ADHD son was at the heart of my problem. My overwhelming feelings of failure and inadequacy had led me into a hole I could not climb out of. I felt completely helpless to do anything for him. I wish I had read an article like this back during that dark time:  ADHD Moms: Are we at risk? 

Once I knew what was causing my depression, I was able to find ways out of it. I took my heartbreak to God time and again, and asked Him to show me the way. I am thankful to no longer feel that way anymore, but it took a lot of emotional work. I had to choose to accept what I could not do, but focus on what I could do and not let negative self-talk eat away at me. My son is never going to be cured, and he may never be like other kids. And that's ok. I love him, God loves him, and he will be ok. God has granted me that measure of serenity.

1 comment:

Carla said...

I my goodness. I haven't read that link yet but I'm on my way. It's been one of those days...frustrated, exhausted, worried, hopeless, overwhelmed...all stemming from ADHD and the wonderful issues that tag along with it. I don't usually have problem with depression but I do have days where I could easily see it happening. Thanks!