Nine Years Old

Yet another similarity between Autism Spectrum and ADHD:
Why Do Children with Autism Wander?

And yet somehow people still want to think that ADHD is caused by bad parenting or too much sugar. They can accept that an autistic child has behavior that they can't control, but think that an ADHD child just isn't trying hard enough. So many minds to change, sigh...

E turned 9 last week, and it has been an interesting time since then. And by interesting I mean, 'What in the world is going on with this kid?!' We had gotten him an alarm clock months ago but he always unplugged it or just turned it off. Waking him up in the morning was rotten, as he is such a heavy sleeper and never wanted to cooperate. But the day after his birthday he came down, completely dressed at 8am. I was stunned. He informed me that when he heard his alarm he decided that since he was now 9, he wanted to be big and get himself up. Then during breakfast he told me that he loved me. He then told me that the daffodils he had picked me the day before were a symbol of his love for me. I was quite taken aback, but also didn't think it would be a lasting change. It's now been 10 days, and not only is he still waking up, dressing himself and then eating breakfast & taking meds with no problems, today he got up a half hour earlier so he would have extra time to play a video game. I could eat this kid up!

I don't even own a carpet-bag

I have rough edges. I'm aware of this. I'm not Mary Poppins by any means. I can tell you that I'm a pretty good mom and my kids think I'm awesome.
I was insulted by someone who doesn't even really know me today, and it's really got me pondering a lot of things. First, I get that to someone who isn't friends with me, maybe I can come off as less than warm and fuzzy. Second, I don't care if I come off that way. I am not suffering for lack of friends, so someone must find me tolerable. I'm not 16 anymore, and I'm not going to be something I'm not for the sake of other people's approval. I also realize that the person with the negative opinion isn't even someone whose opinion I value, so why would I waste my time trying to change their mind?

Something cool I learned from my sponsor a long time ago is that what other people think of me is none of my business. This is incredibly good insight. I am never going to make everyone happy. That's not my responsibility. I'm not out to irritate or offend anyone, but I will. We all will. Somewhere out there is someone who dislikes each of us. Enormously. Do we dwell on this? Do we live in the world of Monica Geller-hyphen-Bing where we can't stand it if someone doesn't adore us?  Years ago this would have bugged me endlessly. I would have sucked it up and done everything I could to make someone like me or change their opinion of me. I don't have the interest or the time & energy to pursue that kind of pointless effort anymore. Cheers!

Overheard

After touching up my blue recently, my daughter said, "Oh cool, did you add silver?"
"No, that's grey."
"Ohh. Sorry."

"How did you know the bomb was in there?!" ~ 4 year old TC
"Mad skills, my friend, mad skills." ~ almost 9 year old E

"MOM!  You scared the jiffies out of me!" ~ E, when I poked my head in the door to say something to him while he was showering. He didn't hear the door and didn't expect my voice. No clue where he got "jiffies" from, but it really killed me.

Life with E

I'm guessing this is just a 'boy' thing, rather than an 'ADHD boy' thing. Either way, it was pretty entertaining for me. He told me that he wanted to have a sandwich all made to have in the morning, that way I wouldn't have to make him breakfast, and he would get food in him. (An issue for ADHD/medicated kids.) After he went to bed I saw he left the cheese out on the counter. I went to put it away and found this. Best laugh I've had in a week.

Perspective

I was going to blog today and complain about causing my first ever car accident yesterday. But watching all the footage of the earthquake & tsunami in Japan, I am humbled by how small my problems are.  My neck is a little bit sore, and I have a little damage to my car. I damaged the car I hit, but it's hopefully just a new bumper & paint. This pales in comparison with the devastation to humanity in Sendai and other Japanese cities.
(click the pictures to see full size)

(Picture Source)
I have a cousin stationed in Okinawa, which thankfully looks to have been spared any major effect from this tragedy. I'm praying for God's intervention and comfort for the rest of Japan. There are no words that can accurately describe this kind of disaster.

Mike Starr

Mike Starr dead at 44

I watched Mike Starr get sober on Celebrity Rehab. He was hard to watch, very rough and angry and heavily addicted. The story of his heartbreak over the death of his friend and band-mate Layne Staley (Alice in Chains) was just raw.  I just watched this video of him when he was on the show, and talked about his regret over not doing more to save Layne. Near the end, Dr. Drew says to Mike that his life could be saved as a tribute to Layne. That Layne would want him to get clean & sober.  It's an incredibly touching scene, but one that is now all the more tragic, since Mike's addiction won out in the end. Now more than ever, as we watch what addiction does to celebrities, I am grateful for my recovery.

Edited to Add: Loveline: Celebrity Rehab’s Mike Starr Bounces Back  This was just over two weeks ago.

Carlos Estevez is not Winning

So are we collectively sick of Charlie Sheen yet? My word it's like the media forgot that there are 7 billion other people on the planet. I know he's news-worthy to a point, but I'd love it if we could move on and stop giving him attention. I'm pretty sure it's only feeding the monster. I'd love it if the next headline was that he was going to rehab for real.

Found a great list of recovery tools and wanted to share: 90 Tools for Sobriety

#64 - Watch out for the RED FLAGS ... things that give excuses for poor behavior and inevitable relapse.  I could easily get caught up in my pity party about Debby. We left our old church a year before she got sick, so I rarely saw her. She only lived 15 months from the date of her diagnosis, and her decline was sudden at the end. We really thought she would beat this, just like she beat the MRSA last fall. But whether or not my brain can accept what has happened, I need to keep my head on straight. I can't start down that path of excuses and complaining. Relapse doesn't happen suddenly; your choices & behavior lead up to it.

#88 - Handle what you can and leave the rest, don't overtax yourself. You can only accomplish so much in a given 24 hours. I am not going to achieve perfection in motherhood (or anything else) at any point. If I get myself all twisted up about every detail of raising my children and making them into perfect little law-abiding Christians, I am going to make myself crazy and miss out on the fun of their childhood. I have to trust that I'm not carrying this responsibility all on my own.

#10 - Be active - don't just sit around. Idle time will kill you.  This is a hard one for me. I have too much free time. Sure, I'm a busy mom and there are days when my head spins. But there are other days when the kids are all at school and I have idle time. I'm not great at disciplining myself. I make lists but don't always work through them. Not having a boss to direct your time is bittersweet.

My heart is a shade lighter today. The grief isn't any less, but I can feel myself becoming willing to move forward. I had such joy while reading the Word this morning, and felt Him encouraging me. He is so faithful.

Ecclesiastes 3

Yesterday was Debby's service. They call it a Celebration of Life service. I find that annoying, but that's because I'm crabby and cynical I suppose. A new name doesn't change that it's a funeral. I do like that they celebrated her life, and family & friends shared great memories. Debby herself said we weren't allowed to cry at her funeral. I wasn't capable of obeying her on that one. I don't think anyone was.
I can celebrate Debby's life. I can celebrate that she is now healthy and cancer-free. I can celebrate all of the amazing memories we made together. But I'm not ready to do that yet. I need to mourn. I am angry and heartbroken, and I need to process that before I am ready to rejoice for her. The truth is that Debby was taken too soon. She had much more good to do and it's wrong and unfair that she is dead. She was like a mother to hundreds of kids and could have been to hundreds more. There is no making this ok. God will bring us peace in the days to come, and He will heal our hearts and comfort us. He promises in Romans to work all things together for good for those who love Him, and who are called according to His purposes. I know He will do that. This is where I place my hope and where I will find my joy in the days to come. There is a time to mourn, and this is that time for me. But I don't mourn without hope.