Wednesday, December 15, 2010
I really am an idiot
I've been pondering myself lately, trying to figure out what my deal is. I cannot get my act together. The house is a perpetual mess the last few weeks, I'm not writing and I am not getting any projects done. I could go through my entire thought process on what is going on with me, but I'll spare you. The short version is I just have not been praying. At least not for myself. I pray for Tom and the kids, and for any prayer requests that come my way. I pray with my prayer partner as often as we can schedule it. I pray with my tablemates at Bible study. And I love it. But in my typical martyr-fashion, I leave myself off this prayer list. But it gets worse. I'm not only a martyr because I don't ask for things for myself, but I'm also a complete idiot because I never run anything by Him. Big things? Sure. But my day to day life and decisions? Nope. I want to be a better mom, but I haven't asked Him how to do this. I want to get my chores done and make time to write, but I never ask Him to help me to do this or to show me how to do it. I want to lose weight and be awesome but I flail about in my own efforts and never invite Him into the process. I'm all twisted up trying to figure out how to balance all the spinning plates in my life, yet I haven't asked Him to help me. *facepalm*
So I'm going to start praying in the morning. I tend to pray at night when I'm in bed and almost asleep, like that's effective. I need to start my day with Him. I need to be constantly reminded that He is in charge of even my little things that I think I've got handled. I need to have my idiocy derailed.