Thursday, June 9, 2011
This has not been my favorite week. Nothing terrible, just a slew of annoyances which I am not coping well with. Tom sick all weekend with gout, first with the pain of it's symptoms, and then with the digestive problems that come with the medication. So I was looking forward to spending some time with him on Monday morning before his afternoon nap & then leaving for his shift. (awful sentence structure, don't care) Unfortunately one of the bosses called him at 8:30am to tell him he was on modified second shift for the week, and he had to leave by 9am. I was less than pleased.
This schedule totally stinks, as he doesn't get home until about 9:30 at night, once kids are in bed, and I'm worn out and crabby. It also means he's working in the shop, which is hot and AC-less, so in this nearly 100° heat he's sweating to death in work pants and heavy boots.
On Tuesday I forgot my allergy shot appointment, so I called and they said I could still come in. On my way there, totally annoyed and distracted, I rolled through a stop sign and was promptly pulled over. A hundred and ten clams because I let my annoyance rule my driving. Argh. So I have traffic court to look forward to, unless I want to keep the three points that this violation comes with. Blerg.
Yesterday I vacuumed A's room, moved all her furniture, heated up water, and drug the rug shampooer upstairs. (I think it weighs about 912 pounds.) I plugged it in, and blew the circuit because it was also running two air conditioners and the tv. I went down, flipped the circuit breaker, went back up, plugged into another outlet, and started the job. I soon realized that although the motor was running, and suction was working, the sprayer was not, so none of the hot water and cleaning fluid was coming out. Complete fail.
I went downstairs to sulk and figure out my next step, other than having A sleep on the couch because I had leaned her mattress against the closet in order to move her bed, which I'm pretty sure the stupid cat has been urinating under. She is preparing to get in the shower, and goes upstairs. As she does, she trips, drops her glasses that she was carrying, and of course lands on them. You have got to be kidding me. I took them in today, and the part to fix them will take 10 days to come in. So she'll have them just in time for school to end.
I should back up and say that a few days before all of this drama, that I was feeling pitiful about something or other. I was in the kitchen, and leaned under the counter to stuff some cardboard on top of the paper recycling bin. I stood up into the corner of a cabinet. It hurt of course, but my pity party was what I remember more. I yelled at God, "Seriously?! Has this day not sucked enough?!"
Now I know, it's obviously not His fault that I forgot that we have had that cabinet in that same location for the entire time we have lived here. But it was really just about being tired of running a single mom style household, and feeling completely overwhelmed with life and ADHD and laundry and stink bugs. I went on to lecture Him about all the crap that had been hitting the fan, and how I felt like a complete failure and how I really needed Him to give me some kind of break right then.
So fast forward to yesterday, with the broken rug shampooer, and you understand why I was ready to just burn my house to the ground. I can handle big events much better than I can the small ones, evidently. I prayed here and there, a long chat with God about all of this, apologizing for my crappy attitude and asking for some insight.
He showed me what I needed to do, which is spend time with Him. I have a hard time in the summer, as my bible study ends for the season, and we don't make it to church often because we're at the campground. I count on those things to keep me in the Word, and in prayer with Him. They are my crutch, because I have not made it a priority to spend that time with Him on my own. I have all my excuses, and it's not that they aren't true. I do have to run this house on my own 90% of the time. And I do have a son with some special needs. And it is hard to find quiet time with the kids home from school all day. But it's not impossible. And I need to quit living like it is. I love my God. I love Him with all my heart. But my actions don't show that when I put Him on the back burner and make my lame-o excuses.
Thanks, God. And I'm sorry for my crankfest.