Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day



I saw this video on A Life At Home and was incredibly moved by it. Mother's Day was very bittersweet for me for a long time, as I struggled with the children I didn't have and the children I did, and the broken road that it took to get me there. I really appreciate the range of emotions presented in this music video by Kellie Coffey. I remember Mother's Days that were excruciating for me. I can celebrate this day now, but I don't want to forget the many women who find it painful.

When we were expecting the Barnacle, our third baby as far as anyone outside our close friends knew, a woman jokingly asked me if we ever watched tv. I never quite appreciated the humor in her little joke, and I have always wondered at how careless people can be when it comes to the subject of children. People ask invasive questions that are none of their business, questions that can hurt. We were asked those questions before our first was born, during each pregnancy, after each pregnancy, and after we made the decision to end our child-bearing years. We were asked if we planned each pregnancy. We were asked how long we tried, if we were trying, if we did this or that to conceive, how much weight I had gained, if we wanted more, if we wanted a particular sex, why would we have more when we already had one of each, and on. and on. and on. Seems unbelieveable, doesn't it? But a decade of "I didn't mean anything by it" questions adds up in the end. I don't want this to sound bitter, for I do not hold anger in my heart towards any of the people who asked. I just want to share my experiences, in the hopes of provoking others to THINK before they SPEAK. It's a good habit in general, but in particular when it comes to fertility and children.

If you know someone who does not 'yet' have children, think before you ask them why or when. Consider how they must feel, being asked why they are broken, why their bodies betray them, why God is punishing them. You may not think that's what you are asking them, but it's what some of them are thinking. And trust me, if they wanted you to know, they would have already told you.

Moving on to happier things.... I was pleasantly awakened this morning to the sounds of the Boy singing, "Happy Mother's Day to youuuuu..." The Princess was right behind him, carrying her pink Disney Princess tray laden with toast, eggs and milk. The Man was just as surprised as I was! What a joyful surprise to have breakfast in bed and read the cards they wrote out for me. I am beyond blessed.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there. Wherever you are in your mothering journey, may you always have the laughter of children in your heart.

1 comment:

Lori said...

Hi, I came over from Jess's blog. Just wanted to thank you for your helpful comment, and now that I'm here, for the video and you're posting. I appreciate it!