The Mondays

I didn't gain over the holiday weekend, yay! I took Janet's advice and piled on the veggies, which I think really helped. I of course ate 3 pieces of pumpkin dump cake, but it is what it is. (That's one a day, before you judge me!)

However, I got both a cold and my friend (WHY do we call it that?) yesterday, so I'm now wallowing in pain, tissues and self-pity.

Shay's College Experience

Yeah, it was pretty much like that.

dieting

I know I've talked about this a lot lately, but whatever, it's my blog.  So I started Weight Watchers in July. I'd been trying to take of the 'baby weight' for a long time and making no progress. (Yes, the baby is five. Shut up.) I tried to eat right, and I tried to fit exercise into my schedule. I walked a ton with a friend. But the scale had yet to move in a few years, so it was time to face facts.

I was down to a lovely weight after I had E. I felt great and life was manageable. When we decided to try for our third child, I foolishly let the emotional rollercoaster of trying to conceive throw me off course. I gained 20 pounds by the time I got pregnant. Then during my period of depression a few years ago, I took an antidepressant that shot my weight up another 20 pounds. Needless to say I wasn't taking that prescription ever again, but by then the damage was done.

I worked hard to lose weight in my 20s, but honestly it just came off. I did the right things and every week the scale would move a tiny bit more. However, I'm now 37 and those pounds didn't want to budge. I had been encouraged by many friends on the program to join WW, but I honestly didn't think it would work for me. First off, I need to attend more meetings like a hole in the head. And with my digestive problems, any increase in fiber is difficult for me to tolerate. The first two weeks on WW I complained to Janet that it was like being in the first trimester: I was cranky, hungry and constantly had to pee. However, I soon figured out (thank you Google) that I wasn't drinking enough water. I started pushing 100 ounces a day, and suddenly the scale was my friend.

I'm hoping to hit the 20 pounds lost mark by Christmas, and I'm really really hoping to maintain over the holidays. I don't have any pants that fit, which is great but annoying. I don't want to spend the money on transition pants, but everything is hanging off me so I'm in sweat pants a lot. Which I just realized makes me look like a slob, lol.

bwahahaaa

I love how we're lumped together, lol.

Overheard

TC: Can I have a peanut butter spoonful?
Me: Not right now buddy.
TC: But it's not even raining.

Me: You're my favorite redhead, buddy.
TC: You're my favorite bluehead, mom.

Land of Confusion

I've been a hot mess of indecision lately, and it was making me crazy. It's all good things, but good things that I can't choose between and feel immobilized by. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound manic or stupid. I have too much free time during the day, and even though I have plenty of things I can and should be doing in that time, I waste a lot of it with stupid stuff. I have no accountability during the day and it's not good. My youngest is going to kindergarten in a year and I need to decide what I'm doing with my life. I did decide that I'm not going back to school to finish my degree, at least not at this stage of life. A will start college herself in six years and I just can't see spending the money now when we need to be saving it for her. And I'd really like it if my husband could get a 9 to 5 job. His hours are ridiculous. I'm thankful he has a good & secure job, don't get me wrong. But yesterday he got up for work at 3:30am and didn't get home until 9:00pm. And his whole week looks to be the same, just as it was last week. I just don't see how his body will take that abuse indefinitely, and I would rather go back to work and get ourselves in a position for him to work less. I know that won't happen overnight or anything, but it's something we have agreed to work towards.

I started reading the Dave Ramsey book again (Total Money Makeover) and the good news is that we make a lot of good financial decisions. We don't have credit card debt, just house, cars & camper. Tom's car was a leftover so it was a bit more, but mine was used so the payments aren't terrible. I just want Tom to come have a life with us, rather than visiting us.

I'm pondering medical transcription, since I could do that from home. Jill's sister is awesome and got me some contact info for the one she works for. I need to touch up my sparkling resume (ten years at home, oy) and give them a call. I'm a bit worried because the office is an hour away and I don't know how often I'll need to go there. We shall see; it's a good opportunity that I won't waste.

Thanksgiving = going off plan with my food choices, as I posted about earlier. I need to really focus on it, or I will slide right back into bad habits. I am allowed to have dessert, I just can't eat a piece of pie and then cake and then cookies and then some more turkey with gravy. It's so easy to mindlessly eat when you're sitting around with family all day....

Thanksgiving Gluttony

My major dilemma this week is to try to stay on the Weight Watchers wagon over Thanksgiving. Even with the weekly extra points they give me for special occasions, I am pretty sure this is impossible. I'm making oven roasted vegetables to take, so I know they'll be healthy. (olive oil, sea salt, pepper)

Any suggestions? Drink a gallon of water before the meal? Wear my tightest pants?

Bullies

When I was a kid I was not the graceful swan you know today. No really, I was a dork, it's true. So I can look back now and see how it made sense that I didn't fit in with the other kids. That said, it still sucks to get picked on and back at that tender age, I took what was said to me to heart.

I was sitting in lunch one day in fourth grade and two boys sang to me. They sang the tune of "Pretty Woman" but changed it to "Ugly Woman" and modified the lyrics from there. It hurt, certainly, but what was most difficult was continuing to go to school with the one boy for the rest of elementary, junior high & senior high. He never said anything else to me, but every time I saw him I would think of that taunting song.

Fast forward 25 years.  We went to our favorite diner for lunch after church today, and the serenader was there with his family. As I enjoyed lunch with my husband and kids, I reflected on this boy turned man, with his own children climbing on his lap. If a boy treats his little girl the way that he treated me, I wonder how he will feel? Conversely, of course, is the possibility that he is raising his daughter to be a turd just like he was, and she'll be the one doing the tormenting. I'd like to believe that fatherhood has made him into a better person, although I doubt it.

What I found really satisfying was that I could look at this man and not remember at all why his words ever caused me hurt. The guy's a tool and always was, and I could care less what he ever thought of me. I have the perspective that comes with time, and what a blessing it is to be free.

A lesson in genetics

This is my sister. In a bikini. After having two children. I know, right?

Random

I just ate what had to be the fattiest pork chop ever sliced. Seriously, I felt like I was dissecting something with all the work I had to do to cut all the fat off. And then I could still feel it here & there, somehow lurking between sections. What the crap, Redner's? It's my own fault, really, as I swore long ago to stop buying meat there. My laziness takes over, however, and I just don't feel like going to another store.

I'm speaking at my home group's anniversary tomorrow night. I really love public speaking; I just can't decide if I should vomit before or after. I'm leaning towards before due to time constraints, since I have to go straight from the meeting to pick the boys up from Awana. Ugh, why did I let myself be bamboozled into this? And I do mean bamboozled, because a woman nominated me out of nowhere during the business meeting a few months ago. I have never seen a faster vote. I considered throwing a tantrum to get out of it, but that didn't seem like it would go over well. This is when having 10 years of sobriety works against you; people expect adult behavior.

I'm feeling a bit better about driving the past few days. Not loving it, but surviving. I will say though, that it's hard when everyone decides to drive like a moron around here. I'm sure I've complained about all of the construction before? It's really swell how they decided that all of the major roads around my hood need to be repaved at the same time.

E had a rough day at school last week and the principal called me. I can only conclude that I must have forgotten to medicate him that morning, based on the colorful description she gave me of the day he'd been having. And I may be cheap, but I'm not throwing his shirt out just because he cut the cuff off of one sleeve. It gives it character, really. She was quite grateful when I offered to come pick him up. I'm betting she's thinking that next time she'll call me earlier, because this was at 2pm and school ends at 3:30. The whole thing made me laugh; what can ya do?

In happier news, my master plan to get my church on Facebook is finally coming together. *twirls mustache* The funny thing is, after being shot down for two years for various reasons, they're all acting like this isn't a big deal and of course we'll get the church on Facebook. I'm pretty sure they're toying with me.