Oh what a difference a few weeks can make! Well, a few weeks, a few hundred prayers, a pound of flesh and some coffee, if we're being thorough about this.
First on the list of updates is me, because it's my blog and I can talk about me first if I want to.
I'm completely unmedicated right now. I prayed a ton about everything that had been swirling around me, and decided that after 18 months on the rollercoaster, I wanted off. I know that this goes against what would seem wise, but I promise that I made this decision after careful prayer, thought, and thorough conversations with my husband and a friend. I need a break from the crazy side effects, of feeling weird and medicated, so I can tell how I'm really feeling. The Man and I agreed that if I began to sink back into depression again, that I would go to the psychiatrist and go back on meds. (I have also shared this with the women in our Care Ring, for the sake of accountability with them as well.) The depression has been cyclical for me in the past, and I knew that it could be possible that it was gone at this point. With only one way to find out, I weaned off my current prescription. And praise God, I feel amazing. I don't mean that I just feel ok, I mean I truly feel healed. My mind feels clear, and I feel able to handle life on life's terms right now.
I've been back at the gym consistently (ok, not this past week, but I've been sick with a horrid sinus infection, blech) and the exercise has been lifting my spirits even higher. I gained 25 pounds on my last prescription, yes 25! How is that supposed to make a girl feel less depressed I ask you?! Add that to the 20 pounds of *cough* baby weight *ahem* that was still hanging on. So I have a long ways to go before I'm back at a healthy weight. But I'm feeling much better about it, in the sense of needing to lose it to be healthy, rather than fussing about being a plump housewife. (Which reminds me, another post coming shortly about how I must fit my fluffiness into a spaghetti strap bridesmaid dress this July, eek!)
I was watching Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew recently, and he said something that really struck me. (I feel I need to put in a disclaimer here, that no one should take anything on that show without a grain of salt, because it is 'reality tv' after all!) He said that boredom for the addict equals depression. I thought about that for several days afterwards, realizing that maybe this was a part of my problem. The Man and I talked about it, and the short version is that we realized that I have been at home for too long. Long days with no structure and no one to answer to have not been good for me in the long run, and I need to change that. I'm updating my resume to include 8 years of stain removal and PB&J assembly, and am keeping an eye out for part time office work. In the meantime, I'm buckling down with my writing, and will hopefully be churning out the next great American novel soon. Or at least some magazine articles.
Now, onto the Boy.... This past week we finally had the feedback meeting with The Team (guidance counselor, teacher, school psychologist, myself & The Man) and it went very well. We got a rough copy of the evaluation report and the short version of the two dozen pages is that he is now qualified as 'other health impaired'. (They cannot legally diagnose him, so this is what ADHD falls under.) The guidance counselor has 10 days to write up the IEP (Individual Education Program) and send it to us for our approval. We are praising God that the Boy is finally getting an IEP, because with it he is protected legally by the state, provided certain rights and services that he otherwise could not get. We met with our family psychologist later in the week, and he gave us some great ideas and strategies on how to better parent the Boy, and how to build a better relationship with him. He had some ideas we had never considered, and it was really helpful. The doctor also has the copy of the evaluation report, and we'll see what he says about that when we go back in two weeks. The question of autism spectrum is still there, but it seems very unlikely to us based on the report. Either way, we are making great progress, and I am finally feeling empowered and able to help my son. What an amazing answer to prayer.
When you feel lost and helpless, it is easy to give up and hide your head in the sand. I let myself get beaten down, and I forgot that I have God on my side. If He is for me, who could possibly stand against me?
Sometimes I'm hiding away, from the madness around me, like a child who's afraid of the dark, but when I call on Jesus, all things are possible, I can mount on wings like eagles and soar... (Call on Jesus, Nicole C. Mullen)