Love Worth Fighting For

Last month Tom took me to meet my first love, Kirk Cameron. Ok, so he really took me to a marriage seminar, but he agreed that he knew ahead of time what he was getting himself into by surprising me with these tickets.

Aside from making a fool of myself when I got to meet Kirk and shake his hand after he signed my book, it was a perfect evening. And really, even making a fool of myself was ok. Fourteen year old me is so proud of 37 year old me.

The message was good and directed mostly towards the husbands, which was a surprise. It was kind of refreshing though, because I have honestly read a ton of books and heard a ton of speakers on the topic of what wives should do. Not often have I heard strong messages about what husbands are supposed to be doing.
If you get a chance to attend this, go. It's not earth-shattering but it is meaningful and we really enjoyed it. Kirk has a great message, as does Warren Barfield who provided the music.

Overheard

TC: I want to play Epic Failure of the Races
Me: I don't think we have that game.
TC: It's also called Mario Kart.


TC: Mom, when I grow up I want to be a scientist of worms and live with you.


TC: Look, a squirrel!
Me: Yep
TC: He's looking for a mate so he can lay babies.

Blog Traffic

I always find it interesting to see how visitors found my blog.

Searcher of 'ashes snack', I worry about you.

13 Things my ADHD Child Wishes You Knew

I was reading this list recently called 10 Things My Autistic Child Wishes You Knew. I love this list; I think it's up to us as parents to educate others about who our kids are.  So here is a list of things my son needs you to know about him, and to be honest, things I need you to know about me & Tom as his parents. A quick disclaimer: This list is about our son, and it is not all true about all children with ADHD. Many kids have co-morbid conditions or their ADHD symptoms are milder or more severe. There is a wide spectrum for this disorder.

13 Things My ADHD Child Wishes You Knew

1. I may not meet your eyes when we are talking. That doesn't always mean that I'm not listening or that my parents haven't tried to teach me manners.

2. My impulse control is 3 to 5 years behind that of other children my age. Take my age and subtract 3 to 5 years, and think about what a child that age is like. I may be 9, but my ability to control my impulsive actions is that of a 4 to 6 year old. I need you to be patient with me.

3. I don't have ADHD because of too much sugar or lazy parenting. ADHD is a neurobehavioral developmental disorder. You cannot prevent it or cure it. I have a long road ahead of me to learn to live with ADHD.

4. My mom says this man named Ben Glenn has ADHD and teaches other about it. He says my thoughts are like airplanes circling an airport, just going and going and unable to land. You know how sometimes you can't turn off your mind to fall asleep at night? I have that problem every night.

5. I take a medication every morning to help me settle my thoughts and emotions, and to help me sit at my desk. My parents thought about the decision for a long time, and did a lot of reading and talking to doctors before they started giving it to me. Before I took medication I could not sit still long enough to do my homework. I was like this and it was really frustrating for me and my parents. Please don't judge my parents for giving me medication or suggest that I could be 'cured' if I ate less gluten or more vegetables or only organic foods. The medicine helps me. Mom says it's ironic how judgmental people are about medication for kids like me, when those are the same people who would complain if I can't control myself in public. I don't know what ironic means, but I like that my medicine helps me to do what my teachers need me to do.

6. At the end of the day, when my medication wears off I can experience something called rebound. I may lose control of my emotions and be unable to calm down for a long time. My mom & dad try to keep things quiet and routine that time of day so I am able to transition more peacefully. At any time of day I have trouble modulating my emotions and may overreact to things. Once I get upset sometimes I just stay that way, even if I don't remember why.

7. I'm not stupid; in fact, I'm actually very smart. I don't like writing because my hand cannot keep up with my mind, and I get really frustrated. I also have trouble spelling. I use a writing tool called a Neo, which is a lightweight word processor. I enjoy using it and love that I can get my ideas down quickly.

8. I have a best friend who has Asperger's, which is on the Autism spectrum.  We get along really well. My mom had to have me screened for Autism because ADHD can be like it sometimes. I'm glad that he is my friend because I don't have any others. Most kids think I'm weird. Sometimes I get made fun of and I cry. I'm not allowed to go play with kids in the neighborhood anymore because they bully me and make fun of me. I don't understand why other kids don't like me. I think a lot of kids are my friends when they really aren't. I don't get invited to playdates or parties. I'm glad that Z and I are friends. We play computer games and go to Stockade (Awana) together.

9. I have an amazing memory. I can tell you a lot of details about things that I'm interested in. I saw an infomercial for an organizing purse once, and I told my mom all about it, including all the reasons she would find it useful and what colors it was available in.

10. Once I start talking about something that I'm excited about, I usually can't stop. Even if you interrupt me or walk away from me I will just continue talking until I'm finished.

11. I'm a great problem solver. I can figure out puzzles really well. My mom and I play games together on the computer and she always tells me how smart I am for finding the clues or solutions.

12. I'm really bad at organizing things. I lose jackets and notebooks a lot, and have no idea where I've left them.

13. I'm funny and sweet and I love my family. I like to laugh and play games with Mom like Battleship, or work with tools with Dad. I make my big sister crazy but she still loves me. I like to play with my little brother; we have fun together!

Overheard

Me: You need to go up to your room because you're being disobedient.
TC: *Sulks and begins trudging towards the stairs.*
Me, quietly to Tom: This is why he still needs to take naps, because he's being a toad.
TC, loudly down the stairs: Do you know that I heard you?!

Me: Please don't give the dog noogies.
TC: But they're funny. And they're good for her.

Overheard, or How I Lost My Mind

TC: Can I play the Wii?
Me: No
TC, 90 seconds later: Mom, can I play the Wii?
Me: No
TC, 12 seconds later: Mom, can I play the Wii?
Me: TC, I've already answered you.
TC: What was the question?

Jesus Gets Around

Let's just file this under 'things my mother might almost snicker at but would ultimately be horrified by':

Jesus Gets Around

I laughed so. hard. at these, and I'm sure that's wrong. But honestly, why are people putting Jesus on all of these products???

Breaking the Silence

Today was PRO-ACT's 11th annual walk to celebrate recovery. The Walk celebrates individuals who have sustained long-term recovery and honors people and organizations who make recovery possible. I LOVE this walk and I'm already thinking about next year's walk and how I can motivate people to get involved and participate. I walked two years ago for the first time. (I had to miss it last year since I was still recovering from sinus surgery.) I walked with Livengrin, the Foundation for Addiction Recovery. My sponsor works at Livengrin and I am planning to start volunteering there sometime soon. (I wanted to wait until TC was in school, and he's now doing three days a week.)

I want so much for the stigma and misunderstandings about recovery to be wiped out. I avoided getting help the first three years of my sobriety because I didn't want 'the stigma'. I barely made it through those white-knuckled years, and I should have gone to rehab and started a program of recovery from the beginning. I let other people's ideas about recovery affect my decision, and that was a mistake. I thank God that I never relapsed, because I was doing everything wrong.

Now that I have some time under my belt, I have thought more and more about how I can help to remove the stigma, so that people will stop being afraid to get help. I didn't have to suffer alone, and I want to share recovery with others.  I was reading on the Faces & Voices of Recovery web site and this line struck me: "By our silence we let others define us."  I don't want to be silent about my success in recovery because my story can help someone else.

There are more than 20 million Americans in long-term recovery. Isn't that amazing? What we have is worth talking about and worth sharing. I recently heard Warren Barfield, a musician, talking about mistakes he had made in his marriage and he said, "I don't tell my story to relive my shame. I tell my story to relive my victory." Amen, brother.

Back to School Night

Last night was BTS Night for A's school. I've really been looking forward to this because last year we only had an open house with a boring assembly. The teachers were on a work-to-contract action last year. This year they are again but it's been modified so as not to affect the events where parents or students are present.  (Thanks, teachers!)

As Theresa said, there were some groups of teachers picketing out front due to the three-year-never-ending contract dispute. There were police and security by the front doors. But overall, it was quiet and peaceful and people were happy to be there.  My Dad stood that picket line back in the early 80s as a contract negotiator for the NFT (teacher's union). Whatever goes on now, however ugly this 'negotiation' has been, I know that my father was a man to be proud of when he went through it. He is a godly man of integrity.  And I know how it felt during his strike, and how people treated us because of it. Months of no paycheck combined with people egging our house or calling at all hours to say rude things might have broken the resolve of a lesser man. My father was firm, and was willing to go to jail. In fact, when we got the call that the board had accepted the contract and a deal had been made, my father was getting dressed in a suit to go to court; a court where the judge had stated he would be sending them to jail if they did not go back to work.

Maybe times are different; maybe it's really the same fight all over again, I don't know. I don't really care. What I know is that I will not be a character assassin and tear down the teachers who educate my children. I know what it cost my father to stand up for he believed in.

So, moving on! It was lovely meeting all of A's teachers, and Tom was able to go with me, a rare treat. We had a few very surreal moments, like when a girl he had homeroom with came bustling in late, and he said it was just like old times. How funny that they spent years sitting next to each other and now their kids do the same, in the very same school.  It was odd for me too, sitting in those same classrooms where I learned 23ish years ago. And A's gym teacher is the father of a boy who used to make fun of me in the lunchroom. He seems nicer than his son, thankfully. I was pleased to learn that they now teach them CPR and first aid, and that A will be CPR certified by the end of the school year. I liked what I heard in all of their presentations, about the importance of homework (compared to practicing a sport), and of building a community to teach the kids to respect each other. Kids are still going to be kids, but I like that the district is making an effort to reduce bullying.

Praying for a great school year for my kids and for a resolution between the teachers & the board. Thanks in advance, God!

He's asked me 7 questions in the time it took to post this

I was mad at Tom for an hour this morning because he didn't call to explain why he was so late. He's usually home from work about the time I'm waking up. I knew he probably got hung up at work with some stupid emergency (translation: someone broke something that he has to fix) but I was still annoyed that he didn't at least call to mention that he wasn't dead.  

I later remembered that they moved him back to day shift yesterday, so he wasn't late, he was at work like he was supposed to be. I then found this picture which explains why I'm irrational and crazy. So Tom, I forgive you.