College. Oy.

{gif from pleated-jeans}

This was pretty much me in college. Which explains why my transcripts are so painful to look at. After 18 years I finally requested them, and it was pretty awful to read them. It was actually worse than I expected, and I hadn't expected much. Even now after nearly 11 years of sobriety, I underestimate how much it really affected me right from the beginning. I'm going to request my high school transcripts next, which should make for a nicer read. I was a B student for the most part, except for math which I still suck at. (I can't help E with his 4th grade math homework. It's quite humbling.)

So I'm  prayerfully considering going back to school to get my bachelor's degree. I have a lot of anxiety about this, probably because my two years of college were like Animal House and I lost all ability to be a student. I have been a stay at home mom for more than a decade, and aside from bible study I haven't exactly been working the brain too hard. I don't know what kind of student I am capable of being. Tom has much confidence in me, but he's biased. I am queasy at the thought of racking up student debt now, when we have to start paying college tuition for A in five years. It's intimidating. And my list of Excellent Reasons goes on.

My friend Heather has pep talked me repeatedly this week, sometimes being reassuring and calming, and other times telling me to get over myself. I know she is right on both fronts, but it's just going to take time for me to pray & work through all of my Excellent Reasons for why I shouldn't finish my degree.