Monday, May 21, 2012

College. Oy.

{gif from pleated-jeans}

This was pretty much me in college. Which explains why my transcripts are so painful to look at. After 18 years I finally requested them, and it was pretty awful to read them. It was actually worse than I expected, and I hadn't expected much. Even now after nearly 11 years of sobriety, I underestimate how much it really affected me right from the beginning. I'm going to request my high school transcripts next, which should make for a nicer read. I was a B student for the most part, except for math which I still suck at. (I can't help E with his 4th grade math homework. It's quite humbling.)

So I'm  prayerfully considering going back to school to get my bachelor's degree. I have a lot of anxiety about this, probably because my two years of college were like Animal House and I lost all ability to be a student. I have been a stay at home mom for more than a decade, and aside from bible study I haven't exactly been working the brain too hard. I don't know what kind of student I am capable of being. Tom has much confidence in me, but he's biased. I am queasy at the thought of racking up student debt now, when we have to start paying college tuition for A in five years. It's intimidating. And my list of Excellent Reasons goes on.

My friend Heather has pep talked me repeatedly this week, sometimes being reassuring and calming, and other times telling me to get over myself. I know she is right on both fronts, but it's just going to take time for me to pray & work through all of my Excellent Reasons for why I shouldn't finish my degree.

8 comments:

Jeff and Meg said...

You can DO IT! I know the feeling of not using ye olde brain cells, but I am pretty sure yours are still there and ready to use! :) Any idea what college you'd go to?

Tara said...

Have you ever thought about trying some of the free online courses first to ease back into it? I've been thinking about taking the Mythology course on Coursera. They offer courses from Princeton, Stanford, Univ. of MI and Penn right now...

https://www.coursera.org/

Shay said...

Never heard of them, Tara, I'll take a look, thanks.
I'm looking at Liberty University, online of course. And thanks, I just worry about not using the brain for anything more complicated than pb&j assembly for a long time, lol.

BucksCountyFolkArt said...

It's never ever too late for college! And it's not like you're going to be out partying with a bunch of 18-year-olds so there's no reason to compare how you'll be now with so long ago.

What will you do? Go to Bucks first and transfer? Or do you have enough credits to already go right into a 4-year school?

I'm so over college, but would love to now take classes for pure enjoyment. Art, baking, that kind of thing. It's always fun to learn new things, especially when you don't have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Just do it for personal fulfillment and enjoy the ride!'

Shay said...

I have a few credits but I don't know how many will transfer, and only a few would apply to the major I'm considering. I'd be just about starting over. Bucks isn't really an option because our schedule is ridiculous. The nice thing is that LU online is really affordable. I'm feeling a little more confident today, and thanks everyone for the votes of confidence. :)

Julie said...

My husband's story sounds like yours, except for after his first year of university the school kindly asked him to take a year off to re-evaluate ;) He didn't go back to that school but went to the local community college and on from there.

I've always thought of you as a very well spoken, intelligent woman. I'm sure you'll do great! I'm curious what major you're considering?

One of the teachers at our school went back to school when her kids were school age. I think she's one of the best teachers in the school! There's something about an adult who has the passion/drive for something that propels them back to school...

You'll do great!
Julie

Shay said...

That's very encouraging, Julie, thanks :)

Beacon2Light said...

God be with you, Shay. I know that you will surprise yourself with how well you will do.