"Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. The 'Wave of Light' that marks the day is an international affair, something everyone can be part of. At 7pm local time, across every time zone, all are invited to join in lighting a candle in remembrance and honour of little ones loved and missed.
A wave of light around the world may only go a small way to brightening the darkness and silence of babyloss...both as an individual experience and as a taboo subject. But it is a beginning. May the light illuminate and honour, and if it is bright enough, foster discussion, research and prevention, empathy, and support for those who grieve." (Quote from the Loss Directory)
A wave of light around the world may only go a small way to brightening the darkness and silence of babyloss...both as an individual experience and as a taboo subject. But it is a beginning. May the light illuminate and honour, and if it is bright enough, foster discussion, research and prevention, empathy, and support for those who grieve." (Quote from the Loss Directory)
When we held the first Remembrance Service at my church, we did it on October 15th. (The service was later moved to January, to coordinate with Sanctity of Human Life Sunday.) This date is very special to me, and to so many others who have faced the heartache of child loss.
A very dear friend of mine had a miscarriage this week. My heart is heavy for her, wishing I could do something for her but knowing all too well that I cannot spare her this pain. She needs to go through this alone with God, and my job is to pray her through. When I went through my miscarriage some people respected my grief and acknowledged it, but left me alone about it too. I appreciated that, because the last thing I needed was platitudes about where my baby was or what God's plan was. Losing Lily didn't make me question my faith. I just needed to be allowed to grieve for her, and I didn't need to know the reasons why. I wrote this poem at that time:
Please
Please don't tell me that it will be fine.
It won't, it will always be different.
Please don't tell me that I will get over it.
I never will. I won't even try.
Please don't tell me when it's okay for me to get pregnant again, or how long I should wait.
That's between us and God.
Please don't try to mother me.
I already have my own mother.
Please don't hide pictures of other babies from me.
I couldn't hide from this if I tried.
I don't need to be handled with care.
I am not fragile.
I don't need to be discussed in quiet voices.
I am not your sad secret.
I don't need anyone to tell me anything reassuring.
Nothing you can say will change anything.
All I need is for you to smile, and listen, and comfort me in silence.
God gives me strength, and I will survive.
Please just be my friend.
Shay ©2001
Please don't tell me that it will be fine.
It won't, it will always be different.
Please don't tell me that I will get over it.
I never will. I won't even try.
Please don't tell me when it's okay for me to get pregnant again, or how long I should wait.
That's between us and God.
Please don't try to mother me.
I already have my own mother.
Please don't hide pictures of other babies from me.
I couldn't hide from this if I tried.
I don't need to be handled with care.
I am not fragile.
I don't need to be discussed in quiet voices.
I am not your sad secret.
I don't need anyone to tell me anything reassuring.
Nothing you can say will change anything.
All I need is for you to smile, and listen, and comfort me in silence.
God gives me strength, and I will survive.
Please just be my friend.
Shay ©2001
For those of you who are grieving recent losses, I pray that God would comfort you and give you the peace He has given me.
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