New Fangled Toys

I find myself in an interesting paradox lately. I am a fan of technology (the blog being a good case in point) and I am not generally afraid of new things or trying to learn them. But these days I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, and honestly, quite pretentious.

It started with the new van that closes the doors for me. While I truly enjoy being able to push a button and watch the door close on it's own whilst I hoist a small person and a purse and a bag of groceries, there is still just something ridiculous about it that unnerves me. Who do I think I am really, that I need doors to be shut for me? What kind of person is this lazy or uncoordinated?

The Man bought a Bluetooth for his phone a while back. He works in a state that does not allow you to talk on the phone while driving, so it's either use a headset or pull over. Unfortunately, he soon found that he couldn't hear very well on it. He said I could have it, and set it up for me. (I can hear on it just fine, because I have my mother's supersonic hearing. Remind me to tell that story later.)

So I went out to run some errands the other day, and took the new toy with me. I put it in my ear and immediately felt important, because clearly unimportant people would not need to have something this dandy. The Man said I looked like the Borg. I went about town, doing my errands, and wondered who I could call to try it out. This was when I realized that the new toy fell into my pretentious category. I only talk to probably four people on my cell phone, and one of them had just reminded me that resistance is futile. (If you aren't a Trekkie that was totally not funny, I know.) I finally decided to call my best friend to ask her a question about some plans for the weekend. That's it. Haven't used it since. I just do not lead a life that requires me to be that plugged in to other people 24 hours a day. And while I joke about it, at the same time I do find it very sad that people use this kind of technology to 'communicate', and miss the reality that they close themselves off to the real live people in front of them. I see it everywhere: a man and wife having dinner out, and the man has his ear plugged in to some other person.... a mom picking her kid up from school, also plugged in to some other person who isn't in front of her. And I wonder, how does that wife feel? How does that child feel? To be the person who is so uninteresting to you, that you can't even be bothered to talk to them while you share a meal? That you can't hang up and greet your child that you haven't seen all day? Unplug people, seriously! What the heck do you have to talk about that is more important than the person you are with?

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

"Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. The 'Wave of Light' that marks the day is an international affair, something everyone can be part of. At 7pm local time, across every time zone, all are invited to join in lighting a candle in remembrance and honour of little ones loved and missed.
A wave of light around the world may only go a small way to brightening the darkness and silence of babyloss...both as an individual experience and as a taboo subject. But it is a beginning. May the light illuminate and honour, and if it is bright enough, foster discussion, research and prevention, empathy, and support for those who grieve." (Quote from the Loss Directory)

When we held the first Remembrance Service at my church, we did it on October 15th. (The service was later moved to January, to coordinate with Sanctity of Human Life Sunday.) This date is very special to me, and to so many others who have faced the heartache of child loss.

A very dear friend of mine had a miscarriage this week. My heart is heavy for her, wishing I could do something for her but knowing all too well that I cannot spare her this pain. She needs to go through this alone with God, and my job is to pray her through. When I went through my miscarriage some people respected my grief and acknowledged it, but left me alone about it too. I appreciated that, because the last thing I needed was platitudes about where my baby was or what God's plan was. Losing Lily didn't make me question my faith. I just needed to be allowed to grieve for her, and I didn't need to know the reasons why. I wrote this poem at that time:

Please
Please don't tell me that it will be fine.
It won't, it will always be different.
Please don't tell me that I will get over it.
I never will. I won't even try.
Please don't tell me when it's okay for me to get pregnant again, or how long I should wait.
That's between us and God.
Please don't try to mother me.
I already have my own mother.
Please don't hide pictures of other babies from me.
I couldn't hide from this if I tried.
I don't need to be handled with care.
I am not fragile.
I don't need to be discussed in quiet voices.
I am not your sad secret.
I don't need anyone to tell me anything reassuring.
Nothing you can say will change anything.
All I need is for you to smile, and listen, and comfort me in silence.
God gives me strength, and I will survive.
Please just be my friend.

Shay ©2001

For those of you who are grieving recent losses, I pray that God would comfort you and give you the peace He has given me.

Ramblings

Hello loves, it's been a while. My life is crazy-mom-busy these days and with the Man still gone 75ish hours a week, I'm holding down the fort alone. I'm looking forward to the end of the soccer season soon, as three trips a week for that has become my undoing.

I added a new thing to the blog, if you notice on the top right. It's a clock with dancing and music. It makes me pretty happy, but you can mute it if it annoys you. It's in military time, so after noon you have to subtract 12 to know the time.

Piano lessons are still fantastic and I got glitter stickers on my completed pages today. Yeah yeah, I know it's silly, but really, I spend my life with small people, and sticker motivation has it's merits, even for the 34 year old in the house.

I signed up for Word of the Day emails from Dictionary.com and I feel smarter already. Today's word was sobriquet, which has nothing to do with being sober, oddly enough. My favorite new word so far though, is donnybrook, which I'm sure I will find oodles of ways to use around this circus.

Heroes has started a new season, and I'm finding it harder and harder to watch home alone at night without the Man. I may need to start watching it with him in the daylight, because I have Sylar and Mohinder heebie-jeebies and our cat does little to make me feel safe. He did however, reassure me of his undying love at midnight, 5:30 and 7 o'clock this morning as he lay at my bedroom door yowling. It was not euphonious.