Recovery Walks! 2012

Today was Recovery Walks!, a walk to "raise awareness that drug and alcohol addiction is a public health concern; overcome stigma; put a positive face on recovery; provide hope that people do recover; honor the people and organizations that provide services for the recovery community; show solidarity; and honor those who have not survived this disease."

Because I have 11 years of continuous sobriety, I got to be in the Honor Guard (for 10 years & up).  Being in the Honor Guard feels a bit like your birthday. People make a little fuss over you, give you a sash with a numbered badge on it, make you all stand together for a group picture, and then have you lead off the Walk. I'll be honest, it feels pretty awesome.

I volunteered for Pro-Act this year, so I was at the registration table for a three hours before the Walk began. Once it started I joined the Honor Guard at the front and off we went. There were 6 or 7 people carrying the Walk banner right in front of me, and after a minute I realized that the man right in front of me was Ted Williams, also known as The Golden Voice.

If you aren't familiar with him, this video gives a synopsis of his story. It's really incredible.

We walked for several blocks, and then one of the men carrying the banner turned around and said he was going to step back and I should take his place. I was surprised but said ok. I got to chatting with the men on either side of me. The man on my left introduced himself as Dave, and asked where I was involved. I told him where I was from and that I was currently a homemaker but going back to school in the hopes of becoming a substance abuse counselor. He said he thought that was great and that he loved hearing what different people were doing to get involved. I then asked what he did. He told me that he was the Deputy Director of Demand Reduction for the White House's Office of National Drug Control Policy (David Mineta). I'm not often speechless, but this came pretty close. I also chatted with the man to my right, who introduced himself as Gary. It was a delight chatting and walking together. After I got home I discovered that Gary is actually Gary Tennis, Secretary of Pennsylvania's Department of Drug & Alcohol Programs. I'm pretty sure by tomorrow I will find out that the other man walking with us was the Pope. It was absolutely humbling, amazing and surreal.  (And something else that's amazing; if you watch that video and you see Ted's sober living coach, Eric? He took this picture for me; how cool is that?)

I love this Walk, and everything it represents. And being blessed to walk with people who have the power to truly make a difference in the lives of people seeking treatment was beyond words. And the funny thing was that as I walked with them, I felt like we could be equals. I realized that as I was driving home, and it brought me to tears. For eighteen years I have regretted that I didn't stay in school and get my degree. My disease of alcoholism took that from me. I never really thought about trying to finish because I believed myself unworthy of a college education. I wasted the chance I was given. But now I'm doing it, finally doing it, and I can walk tall on this journey, and know that it's ok to believe in myself, and to imagine that I can help people find long term recovery.

Recovery has given me many gifts, and I love that it continues to surprise me. Plus, I get to wear the super cool sash, which I really think I need to wear on grocery store trips or when I'm picking up the kids from school.

Senior College Student

{best of the senior college student memes here}

I started college twenty years ago this month, and I love that God timed it so I would start again now. When I applied to college the first time I was looking for an education, but what I wanted in the short term was Christian community. I chose a small, Presbyterian school that I had visited during some missions conferences, and was thrilled to be accepted. I had always wanted Christian friends and craved those kinds of relationships. I was sure this was finally going to be where I found a circle of friends that I could pray with, be real with and grow with in our faith.
It didn't take long to realize that I had made mistake, and there was really no Christian community to be found there. My roommate was a believer, but she turned out to be a complete psycho who wanted me out of the room. (She eventually moved out.) There was one tiny club for Christians but it just seemed nerdy and there wasn't anyone there I thought I could connect with. I gave up on Christian friends and just tried to make any friends I could. This was the beginning of my problem drinking, downward spiral, etc. In hindsight it's easy to see that I should have left and gone home, or applied elsewhere and tried to transfer. But at 18 I didn't think I had a choice, and assumed I was stuck there. I did what I could to fit in, somehow still always being alone and isolated, my faith fading.
So twenty years later, I am starting over and I get my first message from one of my new professors. She went over some basic information for the course, and then closed with this:
"I can't wait to see what God has for us together this term. I am looking forward to meeting each of you and getting to know you. I am already praying for you, but if you have specific prayer requests that you would like to share with me, I would welcome your emails. I like to be able to pray for you with specificity. I pray that God will bless each of us as we work together, learning and strengthening our daily walk. I look forward to hearing from you.  I urge you to commit yourself to live out this verse: The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty, but those of everyone who is hasty, surely to poverty.  Proverbs 21:5"
I cried when I read that. I never thought that I would be able to go back to finish my degree, and I certainly never even sought to find that Christian college community again. To get my first message from a professor and read about prayer and scripture was just overwhelming. I love that God gives us gifts like this. I'm excited for this new chapter, and feel so blessed that I can do it the way I wanted to twenty years ago.

Women of Faith

I can't stop singing this! It was one of the finals songs we sang at Women of Faith this weekend, and I can't describe how it moved me. If you've never gone to an event like this, please do. There is nothing else like it; the experience of worshipping our Lord with 11,000 other women is so moving, so powerful. It is like a tiny glimpse of what Heaven must be like, praising Him together. There were many speakers, in particular women like Christine Caine, who have such a painful & beautiful testimony of God's love and redemption.

Oh, and also, there's this:

Like my tiara?

Random Things

A, 8th grade (last year of junior high)

E, 5th grade (last year of elementary school)

TC, Kindergarten

Kids are back to school, and TC started Kindergarten yesterday. I spent the afternoon crying. It's super hard to let him go after having him home with me for nearly six years. He isn't a kid I usually need a break from either; he's generally easy and affectionate and hilarious, so I'd really rather keep him at age 5 forever. I took a bunch of pictures, and waved at him bravely, and waited until I got in the car to fall apart. I don't know that I'd ever be ready for him to go. This year has kept me in a raw emotional state, so it doesn't take much at this point to get the tears rolling. I just didn't know that dropping the last child off for Kindergarten would be this much harder than the first.

I am all registered for school and my first textbook is on a UPS truck somewhere right now. My first class starts on the 17th, which is coming up quickly.

My mother, who has Parkinson's Disease, is having brain surgery next week. Specifically she is having Deep Brain Stimulation done. I'm pretty much wigging out about this and trying not to think about it much or do internet research. The surgery takes six hours, and she'll be awake for the first two. That's pretty much all I want or need to know at this point.

Hell Sucks

About 90 seconds on why hell sucks and why we've done a poor job of marketing heaven.

10,000 Reasons

This song has been on the radio lately, and I can't get enough of it. It just fills me up with such joy, praising God and thanking Him for all the '10,000 Reasons' in my own life. They don't play it enough on the radio so I'm thinking I need to go buy the CD.

I've been getting all my ducks in a row for college, and today went to my old high school to request my transcripts from TWENTY years ago. I gave the secretary the fax number for the college, and she said she would fax them over there today. One more little step that just feels HUGE to me. I can't say enough that this is GOD moving in my life, because I really could not do this on my own. I am terrified about doing this. I am not an anxious person and have really never been a fearful person, but every time I face another step in this process I can feel panic rising in me, and I get super agitated. So I just keep plowing forward, trying not to dwell on all my fears, and all of the reasons why this will clearly not work, and how I'm going to waste our money, and never have time to study raising three kids while Tom is working 75 hours a week, etc etc etc. I am not exaggerating when I say that I cannot see how in the world we are going to make this work.

When I left the district offices today I felt a bit lighter, one step closer. I got in the car and the 10,000 Reasons song came on and I just burst out laughing and crying. I sang it loudly (aren't you glad you weren't in the car with me?!) and then listened as the DJ talked afterward. She said sometimes we just need to be reminded that God will do what He has said He will do. That we sometimes need to think of our own 10,000 reasons to be thankful and remind ourselves of all that He has already done in our lives. And that whatever we may be facing, He has promised to care for us and watch over us. I'm telling you, I swear that woman was only talking to me. God definitely led her to speak to me, because I needed to hear it. I keep feeling so discouraged lately with my health, and as much as I try to be optimistic, it has been near impossible to believe that I am ever going to feel better. I really needed that encouragement today, thank you Lord.

Random Things

I realize I haven't blogged much since summer began, and I'd like to say I will blog more soon, but I don't think I will. Maybe it's just a dry blogging season or something. So here's the gist....

I dislike summer enormously, so I'm pleased that this one is going by quickly so far. Having a teacher strike in June shortened the summer nicely for me.
We had VBS last week which went swimmingly. (You can see Megan's decorations post here.) I was on the snack team again and we didn't kill anyone, so mission accomplished.
I'm going to take a meal to Kate and squeeze her new baby boy tomorrow.
I'm having some folks from my parents' group over on Wednesday night for coffee & snacks & hopefully much-needed laughs.
I saw a beautiful tribute for my Uncle Dane on his town's fair web site and cried a lot.
I'm still in the process of getting my ducks in a row to apply for college. Feeling more confident about it now.
My thyroid is still meh, but my bloodwork indicates I'm responding to the meds, so he increased my dose. I'm cautiously optimistic half the day, and cranky and negative about it the rest of the day.
I spoke at an Al-Anon meeting recently and it was a great experience.
We have baby bunnies in the front yard. Our stupid cat killed one and was eating it when we found him yesterday.
I hate election years.
The boys are enjoying martial arts classes.
My oldest will be a teenager in a few weeks. I'll be accepting sympathy cards & chocolate.

Relay for Life

This weekend was Relay for Life, which benefits local cancer patients through the American Cancer Society, along with furthering research and advocacy for patients.  My friend's daughter wanted to do Relay in memory of Miss Debby, so she and her mom became team captains. It was a great experience and we're hoping to do it again next year.

The premise of Relay is that cancer never sleeps, so for 24 hours we won't either. A member of our team was walking the track at all times from 11am Saturday to 11am Sunday. I walked 8 miles yesterday, and A walked 22! We had 30 total members on our team and raised almost $6,000! The total amount raised by the event was over $133,000!

{Our team tent:The kids created the 'stained glass windows' and decorated it like a little church.}

{Flower ribbon & picture collage in honor of Debby. Donations on the left for Hope Lodge. Bibles on the right to give out free.}

{Luminaries surround the entire track at nightfall, each one with a name on it in honor or in memory of someone who had cancer.}

Road Trip

Last Friday I took a road trip to visit my sister, who lives eight hours away. I had originally planned to show up for Emily's birthday as a surprise with her best friend. However, after Emily asked me if I would come down for her 30th celebration, I felt I had to confess that I was already planning on doing so. So in my need to still surprise her somehow, I talked our big brother into coming with us, so he was the surprise. There was one big scream and then much crying once Emily came out of the house and saw Ted in the car.

We had a wonderful birthday celebration, and we all repeatedly said how nice it was to make a trip for a happy occasion, rather than the many sad ones we've done lately. We went out to dinner on Friday with all of her friends & co-workers.

On Saturday we went around town, doing some sight-seeing and eating lots of great local food. She took us to a lovely butterfly garden.

We went to church on Sunday, and did a lot of laying around and chatting all afternoon. We were sad to leave this morning but all so happy after sharing such a perfect weekend together.

Happy 30th birthday, my sweet sister. I love you!

Overheard

TC's godmother is a florist, and I was saying something to Tom about it being Prom season. TC then asked, "Is  that like Prom Sunday?"

Tom: Look, a jet-ski, I've never had one of those.
Me: You've never had a second wife either.


TC: Mom, when I grow up I'll be like this.
Me: What, shirtless?
TC: No, I will own some shirts but not wear them all the time. To be cool. And I'll have a Tron suit.