Grief

It's been ages since I blogged, obviously. I've been avoiding it, not wanting to deal with a multitude of negative feelings and crummy attitudes. It's been a good year in many ways, and God is always faithful. But there has been so much grief that I just could not write about for fear it would just overtake me.

When the people you love suffer terrible loss, and when you yourself are one of those people who have high empathy, it can be devastating. Last year when my Uncle Dane died I grieved terribly for the loss of him in my life, but even more so for what I knew the loss was like for my Aunt Candy and my cousins. As my cousin Ross said at the funeral, "What are you doing, God?!"  It was such a shocking, sudden loss and my heart was flooded with grief.

When my sister's marriage ended my heart was broken for her, for the loss of all that could have been, for the life & marriage that was taken from her, the grief that was left behind and for the two small children in the middle of it all. None of us ever saw this coming and my heart aches for my little sister.

This year my mentor and dear friend went through her own shocking and sudden loss when her daughter was killed in a car accident. I cried constantly for weeks, unable to comprehend the death of a 24 year old woman with so much life ahead of her. I thought of the stupid things I was doing in my early 20s, and wondered why God had spared me and not her, she who was so good and sweet and doing all the right things. My cup overflowed with grief, my heart was shattered for those I loved and what they were going through. I sat in my grief for them, wishing I could sit with them, feed them, do something, anything that would give action to my grief. I went to the memorial service with hundreds of other people, clenching my husband's hand and waiting in line for an hour so I could hold my friend for just a moment as she sobbed. I sent a salad for the funeral luncheon and tried not to cry into it. I left muffins by their door. I prayed without ceasing, something I had never quite understood before.

For my own selfish part, I lost the counsel and friendship of someone I love very much. I needed someone to give me wisdom on how to walk this road, but the very person I needed was the one suffering herself. I should have seen sooner what God was doing and how He was using this. He used it in that most exasperating way, where He uses pain to teach us to rely on Him fully, and to grow patience and resilience in my heart. I fought Him and railed against Him and sobbed at His feet. How could He let this happen to them? How could He leave me so full of grief for others that I could not get through one day without crying?

I spent time with Him daily somewhat out of spite, asking Him to FIX THIS because I did not know how. I saw my friend from the distance which she now held me at, and I asked Jesus to come back now and take this cup from us all. I watched my sister from hundreds of miles away as she packed up her things and moved into an apartment. I thought of my uncle and how much He loved Jesus and how his family must go on without him. I yelled at God repeatedly. When my tantrums were done, I found new peace in Him. He waited until I got over myself, and showed me how closely He had drawn me to Him in the past year. I know He holds my friend in His hands. She always told me to remember what I know is true and all of His promises. I'm holding on to that as a lifeline; I know she's right. I don't know where God is taking her. I don't know what this is like for her beyond unimaginable pain. I know that none of us can go with her on this journey, but I trust that our Jesus is walking it with her. Because in the end it isn't about me. It's not about her. It's about Jesus. This is the comfort to which I have to cling, even if I do so at times with angry or bitter hands. I am finding peace, day by day, and I know that only comes from Him. God is good.

Women of Faith

I can't stop singing this! It was one of the finals songs we sang at Women of Faith this weekend, and I can't describe how it moved me. If you've never gone to an event like this, please do. There is nothing else like it; the experience of worshipping our Lord with 11,000 other women is so moving, so powerful. It is like a tiny glimpse of what Heaven must be like, praising Him together. There were many speakers, in particular women like Christine Caine, who have such a painful & beautiful testimony of God's love and redemption.

Oh, and also, there's this:

Like my tiara?

Friday

I don't feel like blogging when I feel like this, but I'm making myself do it anyway because I know it always makes me feel better. I don't have much to say that doesn't involve complaining about crappy neighborhood kids who are mean to my son, or me feeling like dirt because of the stupid thyroid medication. I told Janet that I need a girls' night out pronto.  I have faith that God has His hand in everything. I have faith that He can and will work it for my good and His glory. I do. It just sucks waiting for the good part to arrive, especially when your child is lonely and sad. There is nothing more painful for me, and I fully admit to not handling it well ever.

Tom is going to night shift for a few weeks. Now that busy season is beginning he brought home the work truck again, much to all of our delight. The boys LOVE that giant truck, we save on gas money and I get to drive Tom's new sporty car. Win win!

The weather has been a bit ridiculous lately. Winter got vetoed somehow and we're fast forwarding through spring at an alarming pace. You can expect many grouchy posts if this leads us into an extra-hot summer. We all know how I feel about summer. Speaking of summer, the plans for vacation bible school are rolling. I don't know what I'm doing yet this year, but I do know that now that Janet is co-leading children's ministries, the opportunities to harass and annoy her are endless. It's good to have goals.

Blog Traffic

Last week I pinned (on Pinterest, for those of you not yet familiar) the blog post that I wrote about my son and ADHD: 13 Things my ADHD Child Wishes You Knew. I hoped that others might find it encouraging or informative.  This morning I checked my blog traffic and was stunned:

I also have several comments from people on the Pinterest page itself, all of them thankful or encouraging. I am truly in awe that there has been such a response to that post. It's very humbling and I thank you all. I'm especially thankful for those who are in the same boat as me, because we need each other's support to raise our ADHD kids.

I wonder if I glow in the dark

The Newman thing has not worked. That's all I have to say about that right now.

I had the first part of the nuclear medicine study this morning. I have to go back this afternoon to have another ten minute scan done. I survived getting the injection, which if you don't know, I don't handle well. It's embarrassing as heck but I get flushed and woozy when I have to get blood drawn or an IV put in. Thank God this was one injection and done. Then I laid with my shoulders on a pillow and my head tilted back. You have to lay perfectly still but it's only ten minutes. They want me to drink plenty of fluids before I go back to flush out the radiation liquid. They also told me that I should not hold TC on my lap today at all. That will be tough, since he's a lap-kid for sure. Some side-hugs will have to do.

Mary asked me to help her do a workshop at the women's in-house retreat. It'll be on thriftiness and organization, both of which are things that make me all warm and fuzzy inside. And speaking of Mary, our families are going together to see Tim Hawkins next month - so excited about this!

I spoke too soon

Yeah, Kate does blame me, hahaaaaa: I blame you.  It's ok though, because once people find out that I have this super power, they may not be so quick to cross me.

So my thyroid does have a nodule and some weird looking tissue, so I have to go see my ENT. Boooo! Seriously, thank God we don't have any caps or limits on our health insurance because we have had way too many appointments lately. Tom has the sleep study tomorrow night. At least I got to have my doctor write E's prescription for this month while I was there, so that saves me a trip next week. (It's a controlled substance so it can't be called in nor renewed.) (You know, to prevent ADDICTS from getting their hands on it, hardy har har!)

E's learning support teacher emailed me today about scheduling his IEP meeting. She also said that she noticed E had glasses today and she wondered if they were new. Apparently he took an old pair of mine from my desk drawer. He told me that they helped him to see the whiteboard better and to concentrate better. So I guess I'd better get his eyes checked, lol.

Random

So Kate finally announced her pregnancy, and I can finally relax and stop worrying that I might accidentally tell someone. And she was gracious in her post about it, but I know she blames me for saying she would be pregnant by Thanksgiving. I do so enjoy being right.

I had my thyroid ultrasound and am waiting on the results. The tech said nothing during the scan and I didn't ask. I figured if there were gnomes living in there, her face might've given something away. I'm guessing I'll have to call my doctor tomorrow to find out, since his staff never seems to get around to those phone calls.

TC is still obsessed with the man cave idea and talks about it daily. He's also taken to reminding me that even when he lives in the house with said man cave, he will still love me. Good to know.

I got our church on Facebook: BFCHURCH  I'll be launching a page for Women's Ministries soon too. Now I just have to think of something profound to say on the page every day. I did not think this through.

I went ahead and ordered Crazy Love, even though I don't think I have time to read it just yet. While I was at it, I ordered Forgotten God, also by Francis Chan. Heather and I were talking about trying to do it in a small group together. Her Care Ring is doing it now and she loves it. I can't wait to read it, which means it may get bumped to the head of the line.

I couldn't sleep last night because there were hoot owls outside talking about politics. Or whatever, but they were LOUD either way. And it's odd, because outside my window is a shed and shrubbery, so I'm not sure why they were there. I considered going out with a baseball bat, but it was really frigid cold so I opted for ear plugs.

There's a meatloaf in the crockpot right now, and a lovely hot fire burning and we may see some snowflakes tonight. Here's hoping!

Weight Watchers

Debby has been gone six months. I've been thinking about her the past few days, finding that the passage of time has not made me miss her less, but has brought the peace that God promises.

Debby was one of those people who lived to serve others. She never married and had no children, so her church was the central focus of her life. She gave a lot, worked hard, and no doubt received the, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant' greeting upon entering Heaven.

The downside of this is that Debby didn't take care of herself as well as she should have. She was morbidly obese up until the cancer treatments began taking pounds from her. Having fought my weight for many years now, I know that struggle all too well. When my emotional pain overwhelmed me in my early 20s, I was not at a point where I was willing to drink at work yet. But I could eat. I would get takeout from a pizza place several times a week. A pizza was not enough, since I shared with a coworker. We would also order potato salad and fried side dishes like broccoli bites. I gained 70 pounds in a year.

I don't know what impact Debby's weight had on her health. She was healthy as far as I knew up until her breast cancer diagnosis. I know there are statistics that say cancer rates for the obese are higher. I don't know if this is true for her, and it doesn't matter in the end.

The good that I can take from this loss is that I have to take charge of my health. I must pursue the healthiest life that I can, in order to serve God the best I can. I must take Reckless Abandon seriously, and it was that which led me to join Weight Watchers. I hate having to rely on a method or tool to lose weight, but on my own I made no progress. But my Reckless Abandon plan means doing something that makes me uncomfortable now, in order to achieve my goals later.

I reached my first ten pound goal this morning, and it felt really good. Really, really good. I know Debby would be proud.

Ecclesiastes 3

Yesterday was Debby's service. They call it a Celebration of Life service. I find that annoying, but that's because I'm crabby and cynical I suppose. A new name doesn't change that it's a funeral. I do like that they celebrated her life, and family & friends shared great memories. Debby herself said we weren't allowed to cry at her funeral. I wasn't capable of obeying her on that one. I don't think anyone was.
I can celebrate Debby's life. I can celebrate that she is now healthy and cancer-free. I can celebrate all of the amazing memories we made together. But I'm not ready to do that yet. I need to mourn. I am angry and heartbroken, and I need to process that before I am ready to rejoice for her. The truth is that Debby was taken too soon. She had much more good to do and it's wrong and unfair that she is dead. She was like a mother to hundreds of kids and could have been to hundreds more. There is no making this ok. God will bring us peace in the days to come, and He will heal our hearts and comfort us. He promises in Romans to work all things together for good for those who love Him, and who are called according to His purposes. I know He will do that. This is where I place my hope and where I will find my joy in the days to come. There is a time to mourn, and this is that time for me. But I don't mourn without hope.

Grief

My daughter's sobs woke me this morning. She got the message before I did. Debby has passed on. At 2 o'clock this morning, she left this life, and is now with Jesus. So happy for her. So heartbroken for us. She was one of the most amazing people I have ever known.

We are blessed that we do not mourn without hope. We are comforted in the knowledge that Debby is walking, pain-free, in Heaven right now. What a blessing! How blessed we are to know His comfort.

Miss Debby

I'm quiet this week because I'm waiting for someone I love to die. It's so painful to even type that, let alone think it. Miss Debby has been fighting cancer for a long time, and is now being made comfortable. It could be a few weeks, but they don't know. We went to visit last night. She's out of the ICU, which is good.  There's a waiting room adjacent to her room, and it was full of visitors waiting for her to wake. The pain relievers make her drift in and out.
She told a friend that she wanted a 'parade of visitors' so she could say her goodbyes. When she was lucid for a few minutes last night, Tom told her that we were her parade, the line of us around her bed. She said she wanted a real parade, with a firetruck. She asked where the boys were. We didn't bring them because we thought she was still in the ICU, and could only sneak A in there. (age limit is 14 & up, but the nurse said she would look the other way) I want to take them up to see her, but don't know if I have another visit in me today. Maybe tomorrow. I don't know.
Miss Debby is the heart and soul of our old church. You will never meet anyone who is a better listener, with a bigger heart, than Debby. She has run the day care and youth ministries for as long as I've known her, and she loves those kids. And they love her.
I don't know if you should pray for a miracle when someone is this close to death, but I know I want to. I know if it were me, I wouldn't want to be in pain anymore, and the desire to be with Jesus would be overwhelming. I couldn't sleep last night, laying awake thinking of all the memories I have of her. She was my first boss, back when I was a drunk & a horrible employee.  She loved me and prayed for me anyway. Years later, she wrote me an amazing letter when I was on the Walk to Emmaus. I tried to read it today and just fell apart over her kind & loving words. Oh God please get us through this. I love her so much.

Remembering Kilian

Seven years ago today my friend Jessie gave birth to a sweet baby boy. Kilian Richard was beautiful and precious. He was welcomed by three older siblings who were so excited to meet him.  At first, everything seemed perfect. But he quickly became ill, suffering from a Urea Cycle Disorder. Kilian was taken off of life support on Christmas Day. There are no words for how my heart grieved for Jessie and her family.

Seven years later, I pray that God would give this family comfort and peace. Some of us are planning to change our profile pictures on Christmas Day to one of Kilian. We want Jessie to know that we have not forgotten her son.

If you know someone who has lost a child, don't be afraid to bring it up.  Say something.  Let them know that you remember. Too many people think they are doing their friend a favor by keeping silent.  All that does is isolate them. You don't need eloquent words.  Just let them know that you remember. ♥

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is over, let the Christmas chaos begin!  The first thing I am thankful for this year is that I'm already done with Christmas shopping, moo-ha-ha!  All I have to do is wrap & bake, yay me. :)  Christmas cards are already printed & picked up, and I'll stamp & address those later this week. I'm ridiculously pleased with myself to be this far ahead of the game, and knowing that I won't have to face any holiday crowds is one sweet reward.
We saw both sides of our family for Thanksgiving, so we ate twice as much. It was nice, but my scale hates me.

For the month of November I posted something I was thankful for on Facebook every day.  I thought I would share my list here for my non-Facebook peeps.

Day 1 -  is joining Pam in the Thankful Posts for November. :) I'm thankful for Jesus, without whom I would be lost forever.

Day 2 - November 2nd - Month of Thankfulness..... have to go with the obvious one, lol..... I'm thankful for the right to vote! :)

Day 2 - is thankful for all of our troops. May God bless you & keep you ♥

Day 3 of Thankful Posts - she beat me to it, but I am so thankful for Keri! So glad to have a good friend to walk and laugh with every day!

Day 4 of Thankful Posts: I'm so thankful for my Bible study! It's a great group of ladies and we have learned so much together.

Day 5 - I'm so thankful for MOPS! I have met some of my best friends there, and had my sanity saved multiple times there. I'm off to babysit at LPC's MOPS this morning :)

Day 6 of Thankful Posts - I am really thankful that the soccer season is ending! Taking Ethan to his final game in the morning. Not sure if I'll be back in time to make it to Barb's service, but I'll be thinking of & praying for her family ♥

Day 7 - I'm thankful for my church!

Day 8 - I am so thankful for my prayer partner Anne. It's such a blessing to spend time with a friend in prayer & conversation.

Day 9 - I am so thankful for friends who pray! ♥

Day 10 - I'm so thankful for Tyler's preschool teachers. He's entered a *ahem* delightful phase of defiance and they are so patient with him!

Day 11 - ★★ "When our perils are past, shall our gratitude sleep?" ~ George Canning So so thankful for all of our men & women who have served in the armed forces. ★★

Day 12 - In honor of To Write Love On Her Arms Day, I'm thankful for the family & friends who supported & loved me when I needed it most. Depression can be a silent killer, but there is hope! ♥

Day 13 - I'm thankful for all the sales & deals that retailers are coming up with! Funny to see Doorbuster deals this early!

Day 14 - I'm thankful that we can get out & enjoy this beautiful weather today. Heading to Churchville shortly :)

Day 15 - is thankful for an amazing husband! He did most of the work tonight in making two pans of chicken parm casserole and two pies! Love you baby!

Day 16 - I'm thankful for the chance to watch Keri's kids; they are hilarious and I love hanging out with them!

Day 17 - I'm so thankful for Ethan's teachers! I got to observe his class today and they are just wonderful. His whole team has done so much for him. ♥

Day 18 - I'm thankful for my sister who is my friend, and my friends who are my sisters! Love you Emily! ♥

Day 19 - I'm thankful for Facebook, reconnecting me with many old friends :)

(I missed Day 20 because Tom and I were in Maryland seeing Steven Curtis Chapman!)

Day 21 - thankful for real cheesesteaks on South Street, mmmm

Day 22 - I'm thankful that the kids have some time off this week. Looking forward to playing games & baking cookies together :)

Day 23 - I'm thankful for our cozy wood stove on chilly days.... but also thankful that it's 60° and I don't have to keep a fire going all day today, lol.

Day 24 - I'm thankful for lazy & fun days with my kids! Still in our PJs now and making plans for baking cookies & homemade pop-tarts this afternoon.

Day 25 - Now more than ever, I am thankful for recovery. Without it, I wouldn't have any of the other things that I am thankful for. I'm so thankful for Dr. Bob & Bill, who paved the way to sobriety for us. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Day 26 - I'm thankful that we can get together with both sides of our family this week to give thanks to God. Can't wait to see my little sister!

Day 27 -  I'm thankful for my in-laws.  I know there are many who have difficult or strained relationships with their in-laws, so I really appreciate the good relationship I have with mine. They are wonderful people! ♥

Day 28 - I'm thankful that in spite of all the changes in the past few years, we can still remain close to some really amazing people. We may have set out in different directions, but God has kept us together. ♥

Day 29 - I'm thankful for 16 years today with the love of my life! (dating anniversary)

Day 30, the final day in a month of thankfulness.... I am thankful for my children, in heaven & on earth; I love you. You are amazing & beautiful, and I am so blessed to be your mom. ♥

A Wee Bairn

My friend Kate had her baby, squee! We're really excited to meet the newest member of her family. I'm hoping to get over to the hospital tomorrow to meet her third son. :)

Planning to blog tomorrow, but tonight I'm hanging out with my Princess, just us. The menfolk are all camping. :)

Doomsday

So tomorrow is the day of my surgery. Dent dent dennnnnn. I'm pretty much dreading it, not in a horrific or fearful way, but in a not wanting to go through this because it's going to suck way. I have this thing about needles. I'm aware that it's all in my head, but it's like an autonomic response of some kind. I get sweaty and swoony when I know they're about to put that IV needle in.

I got some awesome answers to prayer though, which I'm excited to share. My first concern was that I had no one to 'be me' all day. It's not like my job is all that difficult, but we have three children attending three different schools. My second concern was that we would not know my surgery time until the night before, so coordinating people to help out would be in a pending-state for days on end. I am a planner, and this made me Cray. Zee. I have to make lists and plans and graphs that I can point at with a laser when I do anything, and not being able to do that was super frustrating.

So in comes all my awesome friends who prayed for all these issues. I got the phone call two minutes into the two hour window that the hospital said they would call in, and was pleased to hear that I needed to be at the hospital at 9:30am. I may or may not have done some sort of happy dance at this point. That time slot means that I don't need to be dropping kids off at friends' houses at some ungodly hour. The Man and I can drop them off at their schools with plenty of time to get to the hospital. Yay God!

So, off we go. I know I will come home 'packed'. *shudder* I plan to spend a lot of time watching tv or annoying my Facebook friends. I am determined not to get sucked into any of those games though, no matter how much my sister says she loves FarmVille. The last thing I need is a virtual farm to be in charge of. I can just picture Shay's Giant OCD Farm.

Girl's Weekend

The nonbloggingfriend and I met up in a town in West Virginia this past weekend. (not quite halfway between our hometowns) Finally meeting Kristin in person was everything I had hoped it would be. We talked constantly, ate a lot, and hiked a LOT. We went to Cooper's Rock State Forest and hiked 3 trails, 2 of which were the hardest ones. I have not had opportunity to truly hike like that in many years, and I had forgotten how much sheer joy it brings me. I really need to find a way to *ahem* lose my kids a bit more often so I can go. We covered about 8 miles on Saturday, and even woke up at 6am on Sunday to go exploring and do a bit more hiking. Which should tell you how much I wanted to keep hiking, because I really do not do mornings.

I took this pic of us on top of Raven Rock, which was a 4 mile round trip hike.

After about 7 years of being friends via internet & phone, it was a great blessing to hug one another, and pray face to face. Love you girl!

Gratitude

As of today, I have 9 years, 1 month and 18 days in sobriety. Pretty sweet, right? As the Big Ten approacheth, I find myself more and more amazed by how awesome sobriety is. It's like a never-ending gift. Every day I find more things to be thankful for. I try to make gratitude an action in my life, rather than just a feeling. It makes my life that much sweeter, and I'm blessed to give back when I can.

My lovely friend Kate was recently in a car accident caused by someone under the influence. This is a very humbling thing for me, because I drove drunk so very many times. I went slowly and tried to take side roads rather than main ones, but only because I didn't want to get stopped by a cop, not out of any concern for the safety of others.

This is one of the glaring actions from my years of drinking that I really don't like to think about, nor tell others about. It's so awful, thinking of the damage that I could have so easily done. I remember being the designated driver for a bachelorette party, and hiding how much I drank from the ladies. It was at a noisy club, and I would go to the bar alone to get someone else a drink. I would order two for myself, finish one before I got back to the table, and drink half the other to make it look like I still was carrying the same drink I had all night. I don't know how any of them thought that I was ok to drive us all home, except that they were all inebriated as well I suppose. It makes me sick to my stomach if I think too much about what could have happened that night, or any other night that I drove home.

I'm so thankful that Kate and her boys are fine, and I pray that that woman is knocked into a huge reality check about her addiction. Someone on PostSecret recently said that she didn't have one of the 'glamorous' addictions, but was addicted to food. But there is no such thing as a glamorous addiction. "An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature." (Big Book, p. 25) It's hideous and selfish, dark and desperate.

I thank God every day for bringing me out of that darkness.

New York City

Time for a new layout! I wanted something a bit smoother & simpler. :)

I went to NYC with some girlfriends this past weekend. They are ladies from my original March 2002 Moms internet group, which I joined back when I was expecting the Boy in 2001. We have been through so much together, and I can't believe it's been so long. I have met many of them over the years (including Chrissy who never blogs!), but this trip I met two I hadn't before, which was a real treat.
We took a bus tour, which I highly recommend. It wasn't cheap, but we got to see so much of the city. I've been to NYC many times, but only seen a few of the touristy sights. We took the Downtown Tour, and added the Empire State Building and Statue of Liberty.I have to say, I was nervous about the trip! I was very squirrelly about not missing my train in & out of the city. And once I found and got on my train home, I had a crazy moment of panic where I thought, 'What if I got on the wrong train?! I won't know until we're already moving, when he comes to punch my ticket! GAHHHH!' But I'm an obsessive nerd, because I had checked the departing trains schedule like 19 times and of course got on the right one. Anyhow, the ride up was quiet, and gave me 90 minutes to read a new Ted Dekker book. The ride home I read a little bit, but also chatted with the man sitting next to me. It went much faster than I thought it would, and overall the day did too. I was ready to go home though, it was exhausting!

Waiting in line to get into the security tent for the Statute of Liberty ferry was crazy. The line was huge, and the heat was over 100 degrees at that point. Needless to say we bought a LOT of water from street vendors!

This was the first time I have been to the site of the World Trade Center. I've been in NYC since 9/11, but never wanted to go. It was just as surreal as I expected it to be. I don't know if the other side is more open, but the side we were on was almost completely fenced, so you couldn't see much. They did have a link posted where you can see the WTC Progress.

This was also the first time I've ever been to the top of the Empire State Building, which was amazing!

I am not cut out for catering

I survived a very long weekend of catering and am never doing it again! Ok, maybe not never, but seriously, no one else is allowed to get engaged or married anytime soon. One of the foods I made was chicken satay, which was a new adventure for me. It turned out really well!

See how the red onion mocks the chicken, not knowing his own demise will soon be here in the form of broccoli salad!

Saturday was the engagement party for the Man's cousin. Lots of fun, but way more work than I had bargained for. It was at my in-laws house, and my mother & sister-in-laws and I did the food. It was a lot of cooking in a hot kitchen on a hot day, and then a lot of running back and forth to serve said food, and keep an eye on my kids and keep an eye on my own cup. I drank either straight from a water bottle or can of diet coke, so I wouldn't risk picking up someone else's drink.

Then last night was the bridal shower for a friend. Also lots of fun, but lots of work and food. I. Am. Tired. So today it's just me, pajamas, coffee and Tylenol Allergy Sinus. Later!

Anniversary

This past Friday I celebrated 9 years of continuous sobriety. Which is pretty awesome if I do say so myself. A good friend & I both got sober the same year, so we like to compare notes on a regular basis about the phases we go through, and how crazy it is to be creeping up on a decade of living sober. Good stuff. I went to my home group on Wednesday night and got that shiny new coin above, which has been in my pocket since then. I like to carry my coin with me.

We spent the holiday weekend at the campground with family & friends & food. My girlfriend and I also decided to celebrate my anniversary by finding a local meeting, which proved to be an adventure. Lesson learned: always carry a current meeting list! The one I printed from last year sent us to a meeting that had since moved. We did manage to find one a half hour later at a club house though. It was a Living Sober meeting, open discussion format, so we got to hear from a variety of people. I got another coin which I'm saving for another friend who will celebrate 9 years in the fall.

At both meetings I shared my experience, strength and hope. The bottom line for me is that I sat down, shut up, and did what they told me to do. If a person wants to stay sober, they need to be willing, open & honest. They need to work the steps thoroughly and be willing to take suggestions. It is a humbling & at times painful process, but it is worth it. It's not easy to walk in and admit that you don't have the answers, and that what you've been doing has clearly not been working for you. But the Promises do materialize if we are willing to do the hard work.

The 12 Promises are from pps. 83-84 of the Big Book.

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through . . .

1. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
2. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
3. We will comprehend the word serenity.
4. We will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fullfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."