Death of a Friend

My friend Vic passed away last night. He'd had cancer for nearly a decade, and gone through periods of good and bad ever since. He was in hospice care in his home since July, which was when we went to say our goodbyes to him. He wasn't expected to live more than a few weeks but surprised everyone by hanging on a few more months.

Vic was a wonderful and loving man. We knew him through our church, and I served with him as a Deacon. My sadness at losing him is swaddled with peace in knowing that he is no longer sick or suffering.

Farewell dear friend.... I'll see you at the eastern gate.

Yes, it's new layout time again

And if you hate it, you can blame my friend Nova, who told me that the old layout was boring. I'm pretty sure that this one is even more so, but when you mess with html, sometimes you get the horns, or in this case, you lose all your nifty sidebar items and have to start over. I hunted through loads of Pyzam layouts but I hate how 99% of them squish your main text into a tiny little column. And I can keep fussing with this today, or I can tend to the stomach-virus-laden child who is currently sleeping on the couch. I can tell you what I'd rather be doing of course, but it will get messy if I ignore the Princess for too long.

So, we're felons, apparently

Over the summer we acquired a fish tank, and a co-worker of the Man had given us some snails. He had too many, and they're good for keeping the tank clean, so we were happy to take them. To me they were just brown snails, and other than the fact that they did keep reproducing and filling the tank with more tiny brown snails, I took little notice of them.

The United States Department of Agriculture however, is mighty interested in them. Yesterday morning the Man got a call from said co-worker, informing us that these snails, that he had originally bought on eBay, were now being confiscated by the government. They are some sort of ramshorn snail, and for some reason we aren't allowed to keep them. The Man bagged them up last night to go turn them over. The only info I've found seems to be that the USDA has issues with controlling their population in commercial fish ponds, though I'm not at all clear what that has to do with us.

The irony of having to turn over aquarium snails to the government isn't lost on me. Of all the illegal things I did in my previous life, possession of contraband slugs sure never made the list.

Random Things

The Barnacle shall henceforth be known as the Tyrant. He is two and has worked hard to earn this new title. He recently decided that he did not care for the dishtowels that my mother keeps hanging from the front of her oven door. He relocated them to the kitchen floor. Not thinking much of it, Gramma hung them back up. The Tyrant narrowed his eyes at her, strode back to the oven door, and removed the towels to the floor again. This time, he stomped his little foot on them, and ground them down. He gave Gramma a LOOK and left the kitchen. I don't think she dared try to put them back after that. The Tyrant has made his point.

I drug out all of the boxes of Christmas decorations today. I have an insane amount of decorations and tablecloths and stockings and on and on. While I was busy giving myself an insulation halo, I discovered another box of 2T clothing for the Tyrant, score!

The Man worked 87 hours the week before Thanksgiving. Seriously.

My vacuum cleaner has died. There should be a law about these things breaking during the holidays. Who can afford a new vacuum when you just dropped 300 clams on DS Lites and games for the Princess and the Boy for Christmas? (YES, those are their only gifts this year, sheesh!)

Our catfish is eating the angelfish's eggs. Very rude.

We finally left our church. There's no real way to get into that without this turning into a giant emotional vomit. Knowing it's the right decision doesn't make it any easier. We'll be starting at the new church next week.

On Thanksgiving morning I went to a rehab center for a Gratitude Meeting. There were hundreds of people there, standing room only. There is something very gritty and humbling about seeing the detox patients sitting there among people who have from a few weeks or months, up to decades of sobriety. You want it for them, but know that some will not make it. We can only offer our experience, strength and hope, and show them what we have done. The rest is up to them.

Signs that I'm raising my children right

I was going to bed the other night, and when I pulled back the covers, I was startled to find a huge black spider on my pillow. I'm not generally bothered by bugs and spiders, but I was thankful that it was a rubber tarantula. I admit that I did jump because I wasn't expecting it, but then burst out laughing, as the Man and I tried to guess which of the kids had left it there. The next morning the Princess sweetly asked if I had enjoyed my surprise last night. I knew it had to be the blonde one, she's very wily that way.

Changing How We 'Do' Christmas

We are changing how my family does Christmas this year: We had already made the decision to limit the kids to 3 special gifts each, in memory of the 3 gifts that the Magi brought to Jesus, and also to teach them about gratitude for what they have. A friend posted this video on Facebook and I'm reposting it because it really drives home the message that, now more than ever, we should be caring for our fellow man, the way that Jesus did.

Veteran's Day

Today is Veteran's Day and I've been thinking about my grandfather Raymond all morning. I never knew him, as he died when my mother was only 14. He was one of many men in my mother's family tree that served in the military. I thought it would be nice to honor the vets from her family today. I regret that I don't have any pictures from my father's side, as many of his uncles and his father also served. When we moved my grandmother into a facility last year, I took my laptop and was able to scan a lot of her pictures in that transition. Any military pictures from my dad's family would be in his posession, and I'll have to make sure I ask to borrow them so I can honor them in the future.

This is my great-great-grandfather, John Conrad. He served in the Civil War and was wounded.

My grandparents in 1942. My grandfather served in the Army.

My mother says that sometime during my grandfather's military service, he was one of the only survivors when his ship went down. He floated with debris for several days before being rescued. I wish we had more information, but this was something my grandfather did not like to talk about. I'm hoping to do some research and find out the name of the ship.

My Great Uncle Keith, 1942, home on leave.

My Great Uncle Ord, near Germany, 1942

My Uncle Noel, served in the Army.

My grandfather, top right, in Hawaii, 1938

Sitting on top of an anti-aircraft, 1938, Hawaii









Thank you to all of our veterans. There are many more in my family, including cousins who have served and are serving now. I'm extremely humbled by their service, and honored to call them family.

*note* I apologize for the spacing being off. I edited the post about fifty times and blogger refuses to cooperate.

New Fangled Toys

I find myself in an interesting paradox lately. I am a fan of technology (the blog being a good case in point) and I am not generally afraid of new things or trying to learn them. But these days I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all, and honestly, quite pretentious.

It started with the new van that closes the doors for me. While I truly enjoy being able to push a button and watch the door close on it's own whilst I hoist a small person and a purse and a bag of groceries, there is still just something ridiculous about it that unnerves me. Who do I think I am really, that I need doors to be shut for me? What kind of person is this lazy or uncoordinated?

The Man bought a Bluetooth for his phone a while back. He works in a state that does not allow you to talk on the phone while driving, so it's either use a headset or pull over. Unfortunately, he soon found that he couldn't hear very well on it. He said I could have it, and set it up for me. (I can hear on it just fine, because I have my mother's supersonic hearing. Remind me to tell that story later.)

So I went out to run some errands the other day, and took the new toy with me. I put it in my ear and immediately felt important, because clearly unimportant people would not need to have something this dandy. The Man said I looked like the Borg. I went about town, doing my errands, and wondered who I could call to try it out. This was when I realized that the new toy fell into my pretentious category. I only talk to probably four people on my cell phone, and one of them had just reminded me that resistance is futile. (If you aren't a Trekkie that was totally not funny, I know.) I finally decided to call my best friend to ask her a question about some plans for the weekend. That's it. Haven't used it since. I just do not lead a life that requires me to be that plugged in to other people 24 hours a day. And while I joke about it, at the same time I do find it very sad that people use this kind of technology to 'communicate', and miss the reality that they close themselves off to the real live people in front of them. I see it everywhere: a man and wife having dinner out, and the man has his ear plugged in to some other person.... a mom picking her kid up from school, also plugged in to some other person who isn't in front of her. And I wonder, how does that wife feel? How does that child feel? To be the person who is so uninteresting to you, that you can't even be bothered to talk to them while you share a meal? That you can't hang up and greet your child that you haven't seen all day? Unplug people, seriously! What the heck do you have to talk about that is more important than the person you are with?

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

"Today, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. The 'Wave of Light' that marks the day is an international affair, something everyone can be part of. At 7pm local time, across every time zone, all are invited to join in lighting a candle in remembrance and honour of little ones loved and missed.
A wave of light around the world may only go a small way to brightening the darkness and silence of babyloss...both as an individual experience and as a taboo subject. But it is a beginning. May the light illuminate and honour, and if it is bright enough, foster discussion, research and prevention, empathy, and support for those who grieve." (Quote from the Loss Directory)

When we held the first Remembrance Service at my church, we did it on October 15th. (The service was later moved to January, to coordinate with Sanctity of Human Life Sunday.) This date is very special to me, and to so many others who have faced the heartache of child loss.

A very dear friend of mine had a miscarriage this week. My heart is heavy for her, wishing I could do something for her but knowing all too well that I cannot spare her this pain. She needs to go through this alone with God, and my job is to pray her through. When I went through my miscarriage some people respected my grief and acknowledged it, but left me alone about it too. I appreciated that, because the last thing I needed was platitudes about where my baby was or what God's plan was. Losing Lily didn't make me question my faith. I just needed to be allowed to grieve for her, and I didn't need to know the reasons why. I wrote this poem at that time:

Please
Please don't tell me that it will be fine.
It won't, it will always be different.
Please don't tell me that I will get over it.
I never will. I won't even try.
Please don't tell me when it's okay for me to get pregnant again, or how long I should wait.
That's between us and God.
Please don't try to mother me.
I already have my own mother.
Please don't hide pictures of other babies from me.
I couldn't hide from this if I tried.
I don't need to be handled with care.
I am not fragile.
I don't need to be discussed in quiet voices.
I am not your sad secret.
I don't need anyone to tell me anything reassuring.
Nothing you can say will change anything.
All I need is for you to smile, and listen, and comfort me in silence.
God gives me strength, and I will survive.
Please just be my friend.

Shay ©2001

For those of you who are grieving recent losses, I pray that God would comfort you and give you the peace He has given me.

Ramblings

Hello loves, it's been a while. My life is crazy-mom-busy these days and with the Man still gone 75ish hours a week, I'm holding down the fort alone. I'm looking forward to the end of the soccer season soon, as three trips a week for that has become my undoing.

I added a new thing to the blog, if you notice on the top right. It's a clock with dancing and music. It makes me pretty happy, but you can mute it if it annoys you. It's in military time, so after noon you have to subtract 12 to know the time.

Piano lessons are still fantastic and I got glitter stickers on my completed pages today. Yeah yeah, I know it's silly, but really, I spend my life with small people, and sticker motivation has it's merits, even for the 34 year old in the house.

I signed up for Word of the Day emails from Dictionary.com and I feel smarter already. Today's word was sobriquet, which has nothing to do with being sober, oddly enough. My favorite new word so far though, is donnybrook, which I'm sure I will find oodles of ways to use around this circus.

Heroes has started a new season, and I'm finding it harder and harder to watch home alone at night without the Man. I may need to start watching it with him in the daylight, because I have Sylar and Mohinder heebie-jeebies and our cat does little to make me feel safe. He did however, reassure me of his undying love at midnight, 5:30 and 7 o'clock this morning as he lay at my bedroom door yowling. It was not euphonious.