Beauty for Ashes

Sanctity of Life

2012-01-23T18:10:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was Sanctity of Life Sunday. I've talked about this many a January, and I'll let those posts speak (2008) (2009) again now. But I also wanted to add that if you are hurting from the decision you made to have an abortion, please go visit the Abortion Recovery site. There is help and healing out there.

Reshaping It All

2012-01-21T10:39:00.002-05:00

Mary loaned me a book by Candace Cameron Bure, titled Reshaping It All. It's been a good read, and I always feel like if I take notes, it was worth spending the time on. I was reading it at breakfast today and came to this:

When you are standing in the desert of testing with your back to the sea and all you can see in front of you is the enemy closing in, be still. Stand firm, and you will find deliverance. have you ever stood still long enough to witness God do His work? Have you ever stood still in His presence and let Him fight your enemy? Be still. Because when you do, God will triumph over your enemy, release you from your stronghold, and you will know that He is God.

I must have reread that paragraph five times, and thanked God for showing me the Be Still message yet again! I seem to run into it everywhere now. I love when God reaffirms Himself to you over and over again; it's so reassuring.

I spoke too soon

2012-01-20T16:12:00.001-05:00

Yeah, Kate does blame me, hahaaaaa: I blame you. It's ok though, because once people find out that I have this super power, they may not be so quick to cross me.

So my thyroid does have a nodule and some weird looking tissue, so I have to go see my ENT. Boooo! Seriously, thank God we don't have any caps or limits on our health insurance because we have had way too many appointments lately. Tom has the sleep study tomorrow night. At least I got to have my doctor write E's prescription for this month while I was there, so that saves me a trip next week. (It's a controlled substance so it can't be called in nor renewed.) (You know, to prevent ADDICTS from getting their hands on it, hardy har har!)

E's learning support teacher emailed me today about scheduling his IEP meeting. She also said that she noticed E had glasses today and she wondered if they were new. Apparently he took an old pair of mine from my desk drawer. He told me that they helped him to see the whiteboard better and to concentrate better. So I guess I'd better get his eyes checked, lol.

Random

2012-01-19T16:42:00.000-05:00

So Kate finally announced her pregnancy, and I can finally relax and stop worrying that I might accidentally tell someone. And she was gracious in her post about it, but I know she blames me for saying she would be pregnant by Thanksgiving. I do so enjoy being right.

I had my thyroid ultrasound and am waiting on the results. The tech said nothing during the scan and I didn't ask. I figured if there were gnomes living in there, her face might've given something away. I'm guessing I'll have to call my doctor tomorrow to find out, since his staff never seems to get around to those phone calls.

TC is still obsessed with the man cave idea and talks about it daily. He's also taken to reminding me that even when he lives in the house with said man cave, he will still love me. Good to know.

I got our church on Facebook: BFCHURCH I'll be launching a page for Women's Ministries soon too. Now I just have to think of something profound to say on the page every day. I did not think this through.

I went ahead and ordered Crazy Love, even though I don't think I have time to read it just yet. While I was at it, I ordered Forgotten God, also by Francis Chan. Heather and I were talking about trying to do it in a small group together. Her Care Ring is doing it now and she loves it. I can't wait to read it, which means it may get bumped to the head of the line.

I couldn't sleep last night because there were hoot owls outside talking about politics. Or whatever, but they were LOUD either way. And it's odd, because outside my window is a shed and shrubbery, so I'm not sure why they were there. I considered going out with a baseball bat, but it was really frigid cold so I opted for ear plugs.

There's a meatloaf in the crockpot right now, and a lovely hot fire burning and we may see some snowflakes tonight. Here's hoping!

Crazy Love

2012-01-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

Crazy Love by Francis Chan has been on my 'to be read' list for probably a year or more. I really should get a copy and read it already! I do have about 20 books ahead of it though that I'm still trying to get through. Anyhoo, I ran across this excerpt from it and thought I'd share.

A Great Passage from Francis Chan’s Book “Crazy Love”

Offering Leftovers

God wants our best, deserves our best, and demands our best. From the beginning of time, He has been clear that some offerings are acceptable to Him and others are not. Just ask Cain, upon whose offering God did not look with favor (Genesis 4:5).

For years I gave God leftovers and felt no shame. I simply took my eyes off Scripture and instead compared myself to others. The bones I threw at God had more meat on them than the bones others threw, so I figured I was doing fine.

It’s easy to fill ourselves up with other things and then give God whatever is left. Hosea 13:6 says, “When I fed them, they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me.” God gets a scrap or two only because we feel guilty for giving Him nothing. A mumbled three-minute prayer at the end of the day, when we are already half asleep. Two crumpled-up dollar bills thrown as an afterthought into the church’s fund for the poor. Fetch, God!

“But when you present the blind for sacrifice, is it not evil? And when you present the lame and sick, is it not evil? Why not offer it to your governor? Would he be pleased with you? Or would he receive you kindly?” says the Lord.

Malachi 1:8

The priests of Malachi’s day thought their sacrifices were sufficient. They had spotless animals, but chose to keep those for themselves and give their less desirable animals to God. They assumed God was pleased because they had sacrificed something.

God described this practice as evil.

Leftovers are not merely inadequate; from God’s point of view (and lest we forget, His is the only one that matters), they’re evil. Let’s stop calling it “a busy schedule” or “bills” or “forgetfulness.” It’s called evil.

God is holy. In heaven exists a Being who decides whether or not I take another breath. This holy God deserves excellence, the very best I have. “But something is better than nothing!” some protest. Really, is it? Does anyone enjoy token praise? I sure don’t. I’d rather you not say anything than compliment me out of obligation or guilt. Why would we think God is any different?

Yes, that's the book for meeee.....

2012-01-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting there yesterday morning, so pleased with myself that I have been keeping up with reading my bible every day. And I turn to the day's reading, on a sunny Sunday morning while I sip my hot coffee and feel virtuous. And the reading is Genesis 34. You know, where Shechem rapes Dinah and her brothers get revenge by tricking Shechem into having himself and all of his men circumcised so the brothers can then attack and kill them all while they are weak in order to win back their sister's honor.

So glad I'm starting my day with the precious Word. I can't wait until I get to all of the blood & goats of Leviticus. :P

What He wants you to know

2012-01-15T06:00:00.000-05:00

I found this on a tumblr full of inspirational scripture pictures. I don't endorse that site simply because they repeatedly post Joel Osteen video clips and the man is a heretic. That said, I really love this list.

Here’s what Jesus wants you to know:

1. You are my beloved. (Eph. 5:1)
2. I knew you before you were born. As my hands formed you, I whispered purpose into your bones. I can’t not love you. (Ps. 139:1-6)
3. I love you beyond human reason—even at your very worst, steeped in sin. (Rom. 5:8)
4. My love is contrary to all you know of “love.” I Love you “even though” and “deeper still.” My love reaches, pursues, remains. (Ps. 36:5)
5. My Love for you won’t walk out, fail, or ever come to an end. (Deut. 31:8)
6. No matter what you’ve heard or what you’ve come to believe, there’s nothing that can separate you from my Love. (Rom. 8:38-39)
7. I am not like people. So please—don’t put human words in my mouth or apply human behaviors to my character. You will miss me altogether. (Isaiah 55:8)
8. I’ve never ignored you. I’ve been here all along. Protecting. Loving. Waiting. (Ps. 56:8)
9. Your love of _____ (sin) isn’t worth eternity. I will break your chains. I will give you the desires of your heart. (Jn. 8:32, Ps. 37:4)
10. Please forgive some of my followers. People—even Christian people—will fail you. You live in a fallen land, where no one is perfect and all need My grace. Put your faith and trust in Me alone. (Psalm 146:3)
11. There’s no sin I will not forgive. You are the “whosoever believes in me” whom I will give eternal life … if you believe. (John 3:16)
12. As resourceful and brilliant as you are, you cannot save yourself. It’s by God’s grace and faith in Me alone that you are saved. (Eph 2:8-9)
13. I understand your pain and heartbreak. And my heart breaks with you. (Is. 53:3)
14. There’s nowhere you can go where my Love won’t find you. (Psalm 139:7-8)
15. The shame and guilt weighs you down has been taken care of on the cross. Your bill has been zeroed out. (John 3:16)
16. The addictions. The pride. The selfishness. The hate. The lust. The jealousy. The critical spirit. The greed. I can heal it. All of it. You can start fresh. Today. (Rom. 8:1-4)
17. I will forgive you. But only if you ask. And I care more about the “ask” than I do about the sin. (Acts 3:19)
18. I will not force you to do or be anything. I want a relationship with you more than I want to rule over you. (Jeremiah 31:3)
19. I will forgive your sin and I will forget it. That’s right—completely erase it from my mind. No replays, no record. Gone. (Ps. 103:12)
20. It’s never too late to turn your life around. I came to give second chances. (Luke 23:42-43)
21. I love you. Let’s talk. (Jer. 29:13)

My One Word

2012-01-14T06:00:00.000-05:00

So I finally have My One Word for 2012. And of course, because I like to be annoying, it's not one word, it's two, and from this verse.

I have prayed repeatedly about what my Word for this year should be, but overall just felt led to be quiet and to listen to Him. To spend daily time in His Word, which is something I have always been sporadic with. I have started reading a chronological bible that is laid out to be read in a year. Along with that I've been writing in my prayer journal each time I read, and feeling His peace; the peace that I have desperately needed with all of the drama life has thrown at me the past month or so.

I let myself get caught up in life pretty much every day. I forget Him, and then throw a few minutes at Him before I fall asleep. I pray for other people, but don't take time to listen and be still. And I think overall that I need to be still in my life, not just in those moments of prayer. He helped me find my One Word by leading me to be still, and stop striving, and just be.

Profile pic

2012-01-13T22:58:00.002-05:00

This is my current profile picture on Facebook. It KILLS me.

Random

2012-01-13T09:45:00.001-05:00

January seems to be slipping through my fingers somehow. I didn't even realize I hadn't blogged since the beginning of the month until Theresa asked me about it. I'm greatly distracted this past week as our teachers are out on strike. I'm praying there will be a resolution and a contract soon, but for now the kids are home for two weeks. We've done some fun things, like going to the Academy of Natural Sciences with my in-laws. The kids loved that, and E was soaking up all the scientific information like a sponge. One of the museum volunteers said that he should get E his own apron, since he was repeating back all he knew to another child, acting like her own personal tour guide.

I had bloodwork done and it looks like my thyroid is out of whack. This could explain a whole lot of annoying symptoms! I still have to get an ultrasound done, though, so we'll see what the doctor says after that.

I slacked off with my food choices over the holidays, no shock there. I am SO thankful though, because I didn't regain any of the pounds I have lost. Lots of holiday food and lots of chaos in our house made me sure my weight would go back up. Kate said that my body is probably more efficient now and that's maybe why I didn't regain even though I ate poorly. Whatever the reason, I'll take it. And I'm going back to the gym today, and can honestly say that I can't wait!

Tom went back to work this past Monday and is doing well. He has to have one more follow-up with our family doctor, but the surgeon cleared him for work. He flipped from day shift to night shift and then back to day shift this week because of bad weather. I hate that; night shift is unhealthy enough for you without going back and forth like that. Which reminds me, I need to call and schedule his sleep study...

Overheard

2012-01-04T18:00:00.002-05:00

TC: I wish I could run on water.
Me: Oh, like Jesus?
TC: No, like Sonic. (The Hedgehog. Sigh.)

TC: Mom, this is so good I can't even stand it. (On eating Caramelized French Toast stuffed with apples!)

TC: When I have a home, I'm going to have a man cave. (We may need to stop letting him watch all those HGTV shows with us....)

My One Word 2012

2011-12-31T23:05:00.000-05:00

It's New Year's Resolution time for a lot of us. I did My One Word last year, and am doing it again for 2012. I think 'Reckless Abandon' worked well for me, even if it didn't accomplish what I thought it would. I chose it believing it would help me to lay aside fears I had about writing, losing weight & witnessing about my faith in Jesus. It did work for the latter two, but not the first. I made the decision to lay aside the writing dream for now. The harder I tried to pursue it with reckless abandon, the more I found I didn't want to do it, didn't have time to do it and just was not ready. I hope I can come back to it in a few years, but we'll see what God has planned.
Theresa told me that her One Word for last year was 'rest', from Matthew 11:28-30. I am praying about what my Word should be this year, but I'm already feeling like God is directing me towards something similar. Time and again I find myself praying in the foxhole, but neglecting that daily quiet time. I've been looking for a verse today and found this article on doing quiet time. I like the acronym of 'ASPECT' and how you can use that as a tool for bible study. I'll post again later when I have my One Word.

A – About God – What can you learn about God through this passage?

S – Sin – Does it talk about any sin?

P – Promise – Is there any promise in the word?

E – Example – Is there any example, I can follow?

C –Command – Which command I need to obey?

T – Teaching – What can I learn from this passage?

This & That

2011-12-31T05:00:00.000-05:00

Pen removed from woman's stomach still works after 25 years. How is this not the lead story on the 6 o'clock news?! I would watch more of the news with stories like this.

I found this great video while searching for info on Weight Watchers. My thanks to Heather at Leading the Weigh, it's an excellent video and worth watching. I especially liked what he said about reducing hypertension (after minute 6) since Tom was put on medication for high blood pressure a few months ago.

Certainly there was nothing Tom could have done to prevent getting appendicitis, but it was a big reminder of how important it is to take care of our bodies. He works too much, sleeps too little and knows that he needs to lose a few pounds. But that's all easier said than done, as we all know. He needs to have a sleep study done because the ENT thinks he has sleep apnea. Add that to the list of fun things we can do while he's off from work for a few weeks, haha!

Anyhoo, I'm sure I'll be making Tom a to-do list very soon that includes taking charge of his health. I do so love a project. :)

The New Normal

2011-12-30T16:47:00.000-05:00

I said to my father yesterday that I just want to get life back to normal, as I'm tired of the chaos we've been living the last few weeks. He said that won't happen. This annoys me, even though I know he's right. The new normal is that my grandmother is gone. The new normal is that my husband is not bulletproof.

As I watched my husband sweat and shake and groan on that hospital bed, and I thought about what it must have been like when my grandfather died at the age of 43, I wondered at what Gram's new normal must have been like.

What I don't want is for the new normal to be run by fear. Tom wanted to drop his car off for an oil change today, and he needed me to pick him up once he did this. I didn't want him to drive since he's not supposed to yet less than a week after surgery, but he said it's a short drive and no big deal. He left the house first and I got the kids into the van. I went to the dealership, but he wasn't there. I thought, 'oh duh, wrong one' because I had gone to where we get my Kia worked on. I headed over to the Chevy dealer where they would service his Cruz. He wasn't there either. I called his phone; he didn't answer. I drove back to the first place, not there. Then back to the second, still not there. I went inside and had them look his car up in case he had gotten in quickly and already left. He hadn't. They called Chrysler next door to see if he was there. He wasn't. I called his phone again, no answer. Nearly an hour had passed and I couldn't find my husband. I felt sick to my stomach and the kids were hungry and antsy, since we were supposed to be at the mall for lunch by now. I went to the first place again and called his phone again. I was panicked, where was he? Did he get sick while driving? Was he pulled over somewhere, unable to drive? I drove home, near tears.

Once inside my daughter got on the computer and found a coupon for Goodyear on the screen that he must have printed. I left the kids and flew up to Goodyear, where he was watching tv in the lobby. I wanted to throw things at him. He was baffled, and said that he had told me he was going to Goodyear. I hadn't heard him. I don't hear a lot of things lately that are said to me, because I'm in the fog. I noticed it while still at Gram's nursing home, when a nurse asked me if I was getting on the elevator. The doors had opened and she stood in there waiting, while I stood in front of the open doors staring into space, completely lost in my own thoughts.

I spend so much time thinking about everything that I am lost inside my own head. Maybe this is a way to protect myself too, I don't know. Like I can draw myself away from the chaos into a peaceful place. I did that when we made a second trip to the emergency room on Monday, after Tom had spent the day throwing up. His throat was raw and swollen from being intubated during surgery, and he couldn't get any food down or keep it down. We were in the ER for 4½ hours and I lost myself playing games on my Kindle as much as I could while we waited.

I don't want to live my life in fear. I need to pray about this, a lot I think, because in my heart I know that God is sovereign and has me in His hand. But my head takes over with practical facts and reminds me of the frailty of our bodies and the brevity of life. Whatever happens, I know I can trust Him. But do I? I have to keep repeating to myself that He is faithful. He is to be trusted.

I'm so thankful for the friends & family we have that have called to check on us, prayed for us, sent cards of sympathy or get well messages, or fed us. Two girlfriends took the boys for playdates yesterday too, giving them some time out of the house and giving us some much needed quiet. Mary called while I was writing this and asked if she could do anything for me. I told her that her phone call was what I needed most; that emotional support, knowing that our friends are holding us up when we cannot stand on our own.... that is priceless to me. ♥

Well, that was fun

2011-12-26T14:31:00.001-05:00

Because we didn't feel like our December had been exciting enough yet, what with funerals and last-minute packing & traveling hundreds of miles, we decided it would be fun to cancel yet even more Christmas plans, and head to the hospital instead. Or rather, Tom's appendix decided that we would. Tom had an emergency appendectomy on Christmas Eve. It was all we'd ever dreamed it could be, and more. Honestly, I was thankful that it was his appendix, because when he was lying on the hospital bed, sweating, shaking with chills and excruciating pain, writhing and groaning, I thought he was having a heart attack and was going to die in front of me. So I'll take acute appendicitis for the win.

We are blessed with wonderful family & friends, who have cared for us so lovingly through this. I admit that I burst into tears when my friend Keri walked into the surgical waiting room with a hot coffee & bagel for me, saying that no one should have to sit in that room alone. I think that was the first moment that I felt it was okay to stop being strong and just cry and admit that I had been scared to death.

{opening presents with Daddy}

I have not the slightest idea why God had all of this in store for us at this time, and I don't care. I was mad at first, since I was already grieving for my grandmother and really couldn't believe that this was happening less than a week later. But it is what it is, and it could have been so much worse. His appendix was about as bad as it can get before it ruptures, which it thankfully had not. He was able to have it removed laparoscopically, which shortens recovery time. And I'm so thankful it happened while we were at home, and not travelling. We went through that in Vegas when we lost Lily, and I never want to deal with a situation like that again. Thank God it happened after we had come home from the funeral, and before we were supposed to travel to my sister's house 8 hours away. (Which of course is cancelled now.)
Tom's recovering but in pain, and his throat is raw and hurting from being tubed during surgery. He's thrown up a lot today, either from the throat irritation or what feels like a lot of phlegm that's lodged in there. Not sure if that's a side effect from the vicodin or what, but he's a bit miserable. He's thankful though, as he feels a million times better than he did beforehand.
During Gram's funeral the minister said that she was faithful, courageous and loving. I have always felt that she was amazingly courageous, facing the loss of her young husband and going on to raise their children alone. She was strong and faced the hardships of life nearly always alone. My step-grandfather died three years after they got married. She never let anything stop her, and was always active, involved in her church, traveling all over the globe.
Gram left me this legacy of being a courageous woman, and I very much want to be like her. I feel like the past few days have been my very ungraceful initiation into that role. I see more and more how that courage comes from God, because I sure didn't feel it on my own. I just keep whispering these quick prayers, asking God to give me what I need to face it all. I was leaving the pharmacy this morning and when I turned the car on, 'Courageous' by Casting Crowns was playing. I cried, because it felt so affirming. He gives me strength, again and again. We were made to be courageous - I have that line from the song in my head, and I think it over and over.
Now someone stick a fork in me, because I am DONE.

Psalm 147:3

2011-12-15T01:00:00.000-05:00

My Gram has passed away, and we are mourning. If I owned sackcloth, I think I'd be in it. It's completely surreal that she is gone and I think it will be a long time before my heart really believes it. The strange thing is that it has felt like she's been gone for a long time, and I've been mourning small pieces of her for years.

{1943, three years before she had my mother}

We began suspecting Alzheimer's years back, when she would forget the little things, or repeat herself. It crept up slowly, stealing her a little at a time. It is a hateful disease. Her personality changed as she lost her memory, and she wasn't the same Gram I had known as a little girl. I would see the woman I knew when she would talk with my children, loving and sweet. She just adored the children.

My earliest memory of her is of the smell of Ivory soap, as I took a bath at her home. The smell of that soap is her, in a tangible way to me. I have a colored pencil drawing of a small blue bird that hangs in my bedroom. I look at it every morning when I wake up. It hung in her house for a long time. She loved birds, and had pictures and figurines of them all over her house. I think of her every time I look at that picture.

{Gram in the center, between her brothers & parents}

Gram was our Matriarch. Grandad Raymond died when he was 43, and Grandad Clayton died three years after they married. It was really only ever Gram for us. I learned how to sew with her and my mother. She went on trips with us. We lived with her all summer long in the country.

{With Grandad Clayton, 1978}

I spent those summers on her farm playing in the barn, crick and woods with my brother Ted. I have a stockpile of happy memories from those summers. I remember playing Uno and Rummikub together, and rescuing baby mice in the garage under the house.

{With all ten of her grandchildren, about 1984 I think}

I have hundreds of letters from her. She wrote to all of us all the time. When we cleaned out her house, I found lists of who she had written to and when, so she wouldn't forget anyone. I found piles of church bulletins from her ceaseless church attendance. She had a box full of notes from when she taught Sunday school. She loved Jesus and served Him her whole life. I am blessed to be her granddaughter. She left us a wonderful legacy.

{With TC, on Mother's Day, 2007}

She adored all of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She would touch TC's red hair and croon to him about how we would keep him. She and her brothers all had red hair. I know that we all have her blood, but I love that my son has her red hair that I can still touch, and remember Gram, remember being in her arms and feeling so loved.

{with her brothers Hesson, Ord, Keith}

I miss you so much already. My heart breaks anew every minute. I am happy for you, reunited with so many people you have loved and missed. I can only imagine your reunion with Grandad, since he was taken from you much too soon. And my cousin Owen, how you must be holding him in your arms with such joy right now.

I love you so much. Be at peace, my sweet Gram. We will be okay. You raised us all well, to know and love Jesus. We will be okay.

Gram

2011-12-12T19:49:00.000-05:00

{Gram with her four children}

My grandmother is in the hospital with pneumonia, and it doesn't look good. I hate living 400 miles away, because I'd really like to just go sit with her for a bit, and hold her hand, and talk with her while I still can. She could pull through; she's awfully sturdy that way, and even pneumonia at age 92 could just be a nuisance to her rather than a dire illness.

They're giving her increasing amounts of oxygen. They're making her comfortable with morphine. She is gasping for breath but pulls the oxygen mask off if they try to put it on her, only tolerating the cannula. Maybe it will be days or weeks. Maybe she'll surprise us all and recover. The waiting, the not knowing.... it's very hard.

I've prayed for a long time that God would be gracious to my Gram, and that He would not let her reach the point with the Alzheimer's that she is a vegetable, wearing a diaper in a lockdown unit with no idea who she is anymore. I asked Him to let her die with dignity when the time comes. I know that this could be part of His merciful plan. I know all of this. Now I just need strength to face it.

Raising Boys

2011-12-10T22:17:00.001-05:00

What I found when I went to vacuum the couch the other day. That's an apple core on the left and a Nerf dart on the right.

Opened the fridge the other morning and found these.

Came home from errands and found TC running a power sander. Oddly enough, Tom had given him permission to do this.

I love raising boys. :)

This & That

2011-12-07T16:07:00.000-05:00

An Apology From Your Child's Former Teacher - This was written for parents of autistic children, but I can really appreciate it from our perspective as well. The 'Binder of Epic Proportions' statement caused me to literally laugh and cry at the same time. We have one of those binders. ♥ Thanks to my friend Julie for sending this my way.

Social Thinking - I just came across this site the other day and have found it incredibly helpful already. It's for parents of kids with autism as well as those with ADHD. I'm trying out the chart that Michelle blogged about, where you have the child list their strengths and weaknesses.

This & That

2011-12-06T08:29:00.000-05:00

Back to School with ADHD: Article about what it's like for this woman's ADHD child to go back to school. Our experience is something like this, although ADHD has a broad spectrum of behavior & reactions. E tends to get wound up the day before, as he did last year where he didn't sleep the night before and subsequently missed the first day of school.

Meet the Dubiens: This gal has some really cute ideas for presenting food to kids. LOVE the apple smiles!

I have a meeting on Monday with our senior pastor to discuss the logistics of coordinating the Facebook page with the office staff. I presented Facebook pages to the co-leaders of women's ministry who are totally on board. And I got the meeting with our pastor with no problem. I'm telling you, either they are messing with me or taking pity on me because they know how stressed I've been lately. Either way, score!

Random Grumblings

2011-12-05T15:11:00.001-05:00

I have the Mondays again. Not feeling good, just blahhhh. A longtime online friend of mine passed away, which is just heartbreaking. She was in her mid-40s, had 3 teenage children. Some of us are sending flowers. I co-managed a message group for Christian SAHMs with her for a few years, and was so fond of her. I called her once for advice about something or other, and she was so encouraging to me. I'm so glad she's with Jesus; happy for her. Just sad for us, and so very sad for her kids and husband.

The vanities of life have felt very painful to me lately. I don't like feeling like this; melancholy and wishing Jesus would just come back already. Not because I'm longing for His return, but selfishly because life is hard and I hate seeing people hurt.

We're having a hard time with A lately, as her grades suck and she hasn't been too bothered by it. It was so much simpler when I could just put her in time out or take away her binky. We don't want to take away good things from her like youth group or student council. So for now she has lost her screen time during the week, her phone goes on the kitchen counter until homework is done, and we want more open communication weekly about what she's doing, what's due, etc. Tom and I have struggled with this because we don't agree on how to handle it. Which is also hard, because since he's frequently not around, I have to make the decisions on my own and then tell him later, which isn't fair to him. I had a good chat with Mary about it and she was very helpful. I feel very unprepared for this new phase of parenting, and Mary hasn't killed even ONE of her kids, so I'll listen to any advice she has to give.

I'm very thankful for my Jesus today. He's such a comfort to me when I'm having a pity party, just the right balance of patting me on the back while also smacking me and telling me to get over myself. He's good like that.

Meetings

2011-12-02T08:09:00.000-05:00

So last week I mentioned that I was speaking at my home group's anniversary meeting. Based on questions from my best friend and husband, I thought I would explain some things. There are anniversary meetings, and then there are anniversaries of the meeting. The first is when we celebrate people's sobriety time, usually done once a month. People are acknowledged for how much sober time they have, and given a coin (medallion).

The second is when we celebrate how long that actual meeting has been in existence. My home group has been around for over 30 years, and that's what we were celebrating last week. When we do that, it's a huge crowd, kind of like Homecoming, where people come back who have moved away, everyone brings food for potluck and there are two speakers who sit up front with the meeting chairperson. Family members often come to this as well. Hence my crazy nervousness since I knew it would be a hundred-plus people.

God was sympathetic to me, as my sponsor was chairing the meeting and she gave me the most beautiful introduction. At one point I mouthed to her, 'You're going to make me cry!' I mostly focused on her while I spoke, and she just has such peace about her that I felt much calmer. It was great to have Tom with me, since he has never gone to an AA meeting before. It's much easier to understand me if you go to a meeting with me and see what it's really like. I am always intrigued when I see fictional AA meetings done on tv or in a movie, because they aren't always realistic. There are also many different kinds of meetings too, such as open or closed. My home group is an open meeting, which means anyone can attend. A closed meeting would be only where alcoholics can attend. You may wonder why someone would go if they weren't an alcoholic, but we do get family members who are curious, or medical students or people writing on the topic.

There are Big Book discussion meetings, which is the format of mine. We take turns reading from the Big Book (actually titled Alcoholics Anonymous) and talking about what we read or sharing whatever is on our heart and mind. Other meetings use the Grapevine or As Bill Sees It or some other AA approved literature. Some are Step meetings where they focus on a particular step each time and how it can be lived out. There is a women's meeting I sometimes attend that uses the Joe & Charlie tapes, listening to a portion each week and then sharing on the step or topic.

Any questions, feel free to ask. I'm happy to educate people about this program, because it saved my life!

Where I Belong

2011-12-01T08:17:00.001-05:00

I haven't found a great video for this song, but just listen to it and enjoy. It fills my heart up with joy every time. I've been starting my day with it a lot lately.

The Mondays

2011-11-28T17:34:00.001-05:00

I didn't gain over the holiday weekend, yay! I took Janet's advice and piled on the veggies, which I think really helped. I of course ate 3 pieces of pumpkin dump cake, but it is what it is. (That's one a day, before you judge me!)

However, I got both a cold and my friend (WHY do we call it that?) yesterday, so I'm now wallowing in pain, tissues and self-pity.

Shay's College Experience

2011-11-28T06:00:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it was pretty much like that.

dieting

2011-11-26T06:00:00.000-05:00

I know I've talked about this a lot lately, but whatever, it's my blog. So I started Weight Watchers in July. I'd been trying to take of the 'baby weight' for a long time and making no progress. (Yes, the baby is five. Shut up.) I tried to eat right, and I tried to fit exercise into my schedule. I walked a ton with a friend. But the scale had yet to move in a few years, so it was time to face facts.

I was down to a lovely weight after I had E. I felt great and life was manageable. When we decided to try for our third child, I foolishly let the emotional rollercoaster of trying to conceive throw me off course. I gained 20 pounds by the time I got pregnant. Then during my period of depression a few years ago, I took an antidepressant that shot my weight up another 20 pounds. Needless to say I wasn't taking that prescription ever again, but by then the damage was done.

I worked hard to lose weight in my 20s, but honestly it just came off. I did the right things and every week the scale would move a tiny bit more. However, I'm now 37 and those pounds didn't want to budge. I had been encouraged by many friends on the program to join WW, but I honestly didn't think it would work for me. First off, I need to attend more meetings like a hole in the head. And with my digestive problems, any increase in fiber is difficult for me to tolerate. The first two weeks on WW I complained to Janet that it was like being in the first trimester: I was cranky, hungry and constantly had to pee. However, I soon figured out (thank you Google) that I wasn't drinking enough water. I started pushing 100 ounces a day, and suddenly the scale was my friend.

I'm hoping to hit the 20 pounds lost mark by Christmas, and I'm really really hoping to maintain over the holidays. I don't have any pants that fit, which is great but annoying. I don't want to spend the money on transition pants, but everything is hanging off me so I'm in sweat pants a lot. Which I just realized makes me look like a slob, lol.

bwahahaaa

2011-11-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

I love how we're lumped together, lol.

Overheard

2011-11-23T07:00:00.000-05:00

TC: Can I have a peanut butter spoonful?
Me: Not right now buddy.
TC: But it's not even raining.

Me: You're my favorite redhead, buddy.
TC: You're my favorite bluehead, mom.

Land of Confusion

2011-11-22T13:47:00.000-05:00

I've been a hot mess of indecision lately, and it was making me crazy. It's all good things, but good things that I can't choose between and feel immobilized by. I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound manic or stupid. I have too much free time during the day, and even though I have plenty of things I can and should be doing in that time, I waste a lot of it with stupid stuff. I have no accountability during the day and it's not good. My youngest is going to kindergarten in a year and I need to decide what I'm doing with my life. I did decide that I'm not going back to school to finish my degree, at least not at this stage of life. A will start college herself in six years and I just can't see spending the money now when we need to be saving it for her. And I'd really like it if my husband could get a 9 to 5 job. His hours are ridiculous. I'm thankful he has a good & secure job, don't get me wrong. But yesterday he got up for work at 3:30am and didn't get home until 9:00pm. And his whole week looks to be the same, just as it was last week. I just don't see how his body will take that abuse indefinitely, and I would rather go back to work and get ourselves in a position for him to work less. I know that won't happen overnight or anything, but it's something we have agreed to work towards.

I started reading the Dave Ramsey book again (Total Money Makeover) and the good news is that we make a lot of good financial decisions. We don't have credit card debt, just house, cars & camper. Tom's car was a leftover so it was a bit more, but mine was used so the payments aren't terrible. I just want Tom to come have a life with us, rather than visiting us.

I'm pondering medical transcription, since I could do that from home. Jill's sister is awesome and got me some contact info for the one she works for. I need to touch up my sparkling resume (ten years at home, oy) and give them a call. I'm a bit worried because the office is an hour away and I don't know how often I'll need to go there. We shall see; it's a good opportunity that I won't waste.

Thanksgiving = going off plan with my food choices, as I posted about earlier. I need to really focus on it, or I will slide right back into bad habits. I am allowed to have dessert, I just can't eat a piece of pie and then cake and then cookies and then some more turkey with gravy. It's so easy to mindlessly eat when you're sitting around with family all day....

Thanksgiving Gluttony

2011-11-22T08:28:00.001-05:00

My major dilemma this week is to try to stay on the Weight Watchers wagon over Thanksgiving. Even with the weekly extra points they give me for special occasions, I am pretty sure this is impossible. I'm making oven roasted vegetables to take, so I know they'll be healthy. (olive oil, sea salt, pepper)

Any suggestions? Drink a gallon of water before the meal? Wear my tightest pants?

Bullies

2011-11-20T20:17:00.000-05:00

When I was a kid I was not the graceful swan you know today. No really, I was a dork, it's true. So I can look back now and see how it made sense that I didn't fit in with the other kids. That said, it still sucks to get picked on and back at that tender age, I took what was said to me to heart.

I was sitting in lunch one day in fourth grade and two boys sang to me. They sang the tune of "Pretty Woman" but changed it to "Ugly Woman" and modified the lyrics from there. It hurt, certainly, but what was most difficult was continuing to go to school with the one boy for the rest of elementary, junior high & senior high. He never said anything else to me, but every time I saw him I would think of that taunting song.

Fast forward 25 years. We went to our favorite diner for lunch after church today, and the serenader was there with his family. As I enjoyed lunch with my husband and kids, I reflected on this boy turned man, with his own children climbing on his lap. If a boy treats his little girl the way that he treated me, I wonder how he will feel? Conversely, of course, is the possibility that he is raising his daughter to be a turd just like he was, and she'll be the one doing the tormenting. I'd like to believe that fatherhood has made him into a better person, although I doubt it.

What I found really satisfying was that I could look at this man and not remember at all why his words ever caused me hurt. The guy's a tool and always was, and I could care less what he ever thought of me. I have the perspective that comes with time, and what a blessing it is to be free.

A lesson in genetics

2011-11-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

This is my sister. In a bikini. After having two children. I know, right?

Random

2011-11-15T17:32:00.004-05:00

I just ate what had to be the fattiest pork chop ever sliced. Seriously, I felt like I was dissecting something with all the work I had to do to cut all the fat off. And then I could still feel it here & there, somehow lurking between sections. What the crap, Redner's? It's my own fault, really, as I swore long ago to stop buying meat there. My laziness takes over, however, and I just don't feel like going to another store.

I'm speaking at my home group's anniversary tomorrow night. I really love public speaking; I just can't decide if I should vomit before or after. I'm leaning towards before due to time constraints, since I have to go straight from the meeting to pick the boys up from Awana. Ugh, why did I let myself be bamboozled into this? And I do mean bamboozled, because a woman nominated me out of nowhere during the business meeting a few months ago. I have never seen a faster vote. I considered throwing a tantrum to get out of it, but that didn't seem like it would go over well. This is when having 10 years of sobriety works against you; people expect adult behavior.

I'm feeling a bit better about driving the past few days. Not loving it, but surviving. I will say though, that it's hard when everyone decides to drive like a moron around here. I'm sure I've complained about all of the construction before? It's really swell how they decided that all of the major roads around my hood need to be repaved at the same time.

E had a rough day at school last week and the principal called me. I can only conclude that I must have forgotten to medicate him that morning, based on the colorful description she gave me of the day he'd been having. And I may be cheap, but I'm not throwing his shirt out just because he cut the cuff off of one sleeve. It gives it character, really. She was quite grateful when I offered to come pick him up. I'm betting she's thinking that next time she'll call me earlier, because this was at 2pm and school ends at 3:30. The whole thing made me laugh; what can ya do?

In happier news, my master plan to get my church on Facebook is finally coming together. *twirls mustache* The funny thing is, after being shot down for two years for various reasons, they're all acting like this isn't a big deal and of course we'll get the church on Facebook. I'm pretty sure they're toying with me.

Keith Richards

2011-10-29T06:00:00.000-04:00

Psalm 91

2011-10-28T10:04:00.000-04:00

I couldn't sleep last night. I've been struggling with some anxiety since the near-miss last week. Anxiety has really never been an issue for me before, and I hate it. I'm finding it hard to drive in traffic, which is unavoidable with the high level of road construction in our area right now. Tom has his work truck this week and we had to go pick up his car from the parking lot at work last night. On the way home I found myself clenching the steering wheel, feeling very afraid. Traffic was really heavy, it was dark, it was raining. It was like the emotional trifecta for me, ughh. Laying in bed later, I kept thinking of how ridiculous this fear was, but I couldn't shake it.

I got out of bed and went to get a book from my office, figuring I would read for a bit and try to settle my mind. I noticed the Shorthand books on the shelf. They belonged to my Gram, and I took them when we emptied her house before she went in the nursing home. I thought it would be fun to have them and maybe pick up a few ideas. I had never actually opened them past the first few pages, so I had no idea that they were workbooks, or that she had written in them.

There was something very comforting about seeing her handwriting in that watery blue ink. I looked at the date, and realized that she took this class two years after my grandfather died at the age of 43. She wasn't much older than me. I flipped through all three books and found that she had not only completed them, but tucked in the pages was an envelope containing her certificate of completion. I know Gram worked at a flower shop, but I never knew that she did this, or even how she went on to use it. I'll have to ask my Mom. It's just funny how God would show me these books now, when I am anxious about many things, one of which is the decision to go back to work after a decade at home. I felt so comforted knowing that my decision isn't based on what hers was. I was reminded of what it was like for her, and how hard it must have been.

I put the books back on the shelf, and noticed a tattered bible next to them. It's one that was given to their church in honor of my grandfather, and has his name in the front. Old books are like a blankey for me; I love to hold them and smell them. (The church later closed, and they got this copy.) I took it back to bed with me, and opened to Psalm 91, my favorite. The bible wasn't labeled but I knew immediately that it was the King James. I hardly ever read in that version, but for some reason the old beauty of those words moved me like I had never read this passage before.

He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked. Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

I cried. God is so good; He is such a comfort. He knows. He just knows. And that was what I needed.

More Awareness Week

2011-10-18T15:51:00.001-04:00

ADHD Awareness Week

2011-10-17T11:20:00.000-04:00

Red Light

2011-10-17T10:30:00.001-04:00

I pulled up to the red light and waited. In the back seat were my 5 year old son and the 3 year old son of a friend. The light has a long cycle. The boys were chattering away to each other while we sat. The light turned green just as a car was coming from the right. I hesitated for an instant, as she didn't seem to be slowing enough to stop for the light. She did stop though, and I moved forward, about to turn left.
I heard the truck before I saw it. The giant dump truck had blown the light, probably not even seeing it as it was next to another busy intersection. I heard his wheels locking up and then saw him as he turned to the left to avoid me. I was pushing the brake pedal through the floor, sure that we were going to collide. His tires were smoking and screaming as he stopped.
Then silence. Deep breath. He hadn't hit me. Our vehicles were so close that I couldn't even see the driver above me. The boys were still chattering. I thought I was going to vomit, but as he moved out of the intersection, I moved too. We were okay.
A minute down the road, I pulled over. I didn't think I should drive until I stopped shaking and crying. The boys continued to be unaware of what had happened. I pulled myself together and took them to school.

That moment could have changed our lives forever. It didn't; God spared us. I thought about what this could have done to my family and the family of the child whose care I had been entrusted with. I thanked God for the brand new brakes in my husband's brand new car that I was driving. I thanked God for the woman who hadn't been slowing down for the light, which made me hesitate before going through the intersection. I doubt that that woman knows she may have saved our lives. The young men in the car behind me were undoubtedly stunned by what they saw, as I saw their eyes wide and mouths hanging open in my mirror at the next light. Did God use what they saw to remind them to be safe & alert drivers?

We have a logo for our church, of a cross touching a pool of water, creating ripples. It reminds me that God can use everything that happens to us to impact not only us, but those around us. I don't know what that truck driver was thinking after we had both come to a stop. My husband works with large equipment and I know that he fears hitting someone when he drives his enormous work truck. He's had people pull out in front of him many times, not understanding that these large trucks cannot stop quickly. I will pray for the driver from this morning. I don't know who he is or anything about him. Whatever is going on in his life, I think it's likely that God got his attention with this. He could have killed us. I don't doubt that he knows this. I know God wants me to pray for him, and I will. And here's hoping that the rest of my week is quiet and uneventful!

{this moment}

2011-10-14T14:22:00.002-04:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Inspired by SouleMama.

Love Worth Fighting For

2011-10-12T17:49:00.000-04:00

Last month Tom took me to meet my first love, Kirk Cameron. Ok, so he really took me to a marriage seminar, but he agreed that he knew ahead of time what he was getting himself into by surprising me with these tickets.

Aside from making a fool of myself when I got to meet Kirk and shake his hand after he signed my book, it was a perfect evening. And really, even making a fool of myself was ok. Fourteen year old me is so proud of 37 year old me.

The message was good and directed mostly towards the husbands, which was a surprise. It was kind of refreshing though, because I have honestly read a ton of books and heard a ton of speakers on the topic of what wives should do. Not often have I heard strong messages about what husbands are supposed to be doing.
If you get a chance to attend this, go. It's not earth-shattering but it is meaningful and we really enjoyed it. Kirk has a great message, as does Warren Barfield who provided the music.

Overheard

2011-10-08T06:00:00.000-04:00

TC: I want to play Epic Failure of the Races
Me: I don't think we have that game.
TC: It's also called Mario Kart.

TC: Mom, when I grow up I want to be a scientist of worms and live with you.

TC: Look, a squirrel!
Me: Yep
TC: He's looking for a mate so he can lay babies.

Blog Traffic

2011-10-07T08:19:00.000-04:00

I always find it interesting to see how visitors found my blog.

Searcher of 'ashes snack', I worry about you.

13 Things my ADHD Child Wishes You Knew

2011-10-06T10:54:00.001-04:00

I was reading this list recently called 10 Things My Autistic Child Wishes You Knew. I love this list; I think it's up to us as parents to educate others about who our kids are. So here is a list of things my son needs you to know about him, and to be honest, things I need you to know about me & Tom as his parents. A quick disclaimer: This list is about our son, and it is not all true about all children with ADHD. Many kids have co-morbid conditions or their ADHD symptoms are milder or more severe. There is a wide spectrum for this disorder.

13 Things My ADHD Child Wishes You Knew

1. I may not meet your eyes when we are talking. That doesn't always mean that I'm not listening or that my parents haven't tried to teach me manners.

2. My impulse control is 3 to 5 years behind that of other children my age. Take my age and subtract 3 to 5 years, and think about what a child that age is like. I may be 9, but my ability to control my impulsive actions is that of a 4 to 6 year old. I need you to be patient with me.

3. I don't have ADHD because of too much sugar or lazy parenting. ADHD is a neurobehavioral developmental disorder. You cannot prevent it or cure it. I have a long road ahead of me to learn to live with ADHD.

4. My mom says this man named Ben Glenn has ADHD and teaches other about it. He says my thoughts are like airplanes circling an airport, just going and going and unable to land. You know how sometimes you can't turn off your mind to fall asleep at night? I have that problem every night.

5. I take a medication every morning to help me settle my thoughts and emotions, and to help me sit at my desk. My parents thought about the decision for a long time, and did a lot of reading and talking to doctors before they started giving it to me. Before I took medication I could not sit still long enough to do my homework. I was like this and it was really frustrating for me and my parents. Please don't judge my parents for giving me medication or suggest that I could be 'cured' if I ate less gluten or more vegetables or only organic foods. The medicine helps me. Mom says it's ironic how judgmental people are about medication for kids like me, when those are the same people who would complain if I can't control myself in public. I don't know what ironic means, but I like that my medicine helps me to do what my teachers need me to do.

6. At the end of the day, when my medication wears off I can experience something called rebound. I may lose control of my emotions and be unable to calm down for a long time. My mom & dad try to keep things quiet and routine that time of day so I am able to transition more peacefully. At any time of day I have trouble modulating my emotions and may overreact to things. Once I get upset sometimes I just stay that way, even if I don't remember why.

7. I'm not stupid; in fact, I'm actually very smart. I don't like writing because my hand cannot keep up with my mind, and I get really frustrated. I also have trouble spelling. I use a writing tool called a Neo, which is a lightweight word processor. I enjoy using it and love that I can get my ideas down quickly.

8. I have a best friend who has Asperger's, which is on the Autism spectrum. We get along really well. My mom had to have me screened for Autism because ADHD can be like it sometimes. I'm glad that he is my friend because I don't have any others. Most kids think I'm weird. Sometimes I get made fun of and I cry. I'm not allowed to go play with kids in the neighborhood anymore because they bully me and make fun of me. I don't understand why other kids don't like me. I think a lot of kids are my friends when they really aren't. I don't get invited to playdates or parties. I'm glad that Z and I are friends. We play computer games and go to Stockade (Awana) together.

9. I have an amazing memory. I can tell you a lot of details about things that I'm interested in. I saw an infomercial for an organizing purse once, and I told my mom all about it, including all the reasons she would find it useful and what colors it was available in.

10. Once I start talking about something that I'm excited about, I usually can't stop. Even if you interrupt me or walk away from me I will just continue talking until I'm finished.

11. I'm a great problem solver. I can figure out puzzles really well. My mom and I play games together on the computer and she always tells me how smart I am for finding the clues or solutions.

12. I'm really bad at organizing things. I lose jackets and notebooks a lot, and have no idea where I've left them.

13. I'm funny and sweet and I love my family. I like to laugh and play games with Mom like Battleship, or work with tools with Dad. I make my big sister crazy but she still loves me. I like to play with my little brother; we have fun together!

Overheard

2011-09-28T06:00:00.000-04:00

Me: You need to go up to your room because you're being disobedient.
TC: *Sulks and begins trudging towards the stairs.*
Me, quietly to Tom: This is why he still needs to take naps, because he's being a toad.
TC, loudly down the stairs: Do you know that I heard you?!

Me: Please don't give the dog noogies.
TC: But they're funny. And they're good for her.

Overheard, or How I Lost My Mind

2011-09-26T15:30:00.000-04:00

TC: Can I play the Wii?
Me: No
TC, 90 seconds later: Mom, can I play the Wii?
Me: No
TC, 12 seconds later: Mom, can I play the Wii?
Me: TC, I've already answered you.
TC: What was the question?

Jesus Gets Around

2011-09-25T07:12:00.000-04:00

Let's just file this under 'things my mother might almost snicker at but would ultimately be horrified by':

Jesus Gets Around

I laughed so. hard. at these, and I'm sure that's wrong. But honestly, why are people putting Jesus on all of these products???

Breaking the Silence

2011-09-24T14:53:00.001-04:00

Today was PRO-ACT's 11th annual walk to celebrate recovery. The Walk celebrates individuals who have sustained long-term recovery and honors people and organizations who make recovery possible. I LOVE this walk and I'm already thinking about next year's walk and how I can motivate people to get involved and participate. I walked two years ago for the first time. (I had to miss it last year since I was still recovering from sinus surgery.) I walked with Livengrin, the Foundation for Addiction Recovery. My sponsor works at Livengrin and I am planning to start volunteering there sometime soon. (I wanted to wait until TC was in school, and he's now doing three days a week.)

I want so much for the stigma and misunderstandings about recovery to be wiped out. I avoided getting help the first three years of my sobriety because I didn't want 'the stigma'. I barely made it through those white-knuckled years, and I should have gone to rehab and started a program of recovery from the beginning. I let other people's ideas about recovery affect my decision, and that was a mistake. I thank God that I never relapsed, because I was doing everything wrong.

Now that I have some time under my belt, I have thought more and more about how I can help to remove the stigma, so that people will stop being afraid to get help. I didn't have to suffer alone, and I want to share recovery with others. I was reading on the Faces & Voices of Recovery web site and this line struck me: "By our silence we let others define us." I don't want to be silent about my success in recovery because my story can help someone else.

There are more than 20 million Americans in long-term recovery. Isn't that amazing? What we have is worth talking about and worth sharing. I recently heard Warren Barfield, a musician, talking about mistakes he had made in his marriage and he said, "I don't tell my story to relive my shame. I tell my story to relive my victory." Amen, brother.

Back to School Night

2011-09-16T09:26:00.001-04:00

Last night was BTS Night for A's school. I've really been looking forward to this because last year we only had an open house with a boring assembly. The teachers were on a work-to-contract action last year. This year they are again but it's been modified so as not to affect the events where parents or students are present. (Thanks, teachers!)

As Theresa said, there were some groups of teachers picketing out front due to the three-year-never-ending contract dispute. There were police and security by the front doors. But overall, it was quiet and peaceful and people were happy to be there. My Dad stood that picket line back in the early 80s as a contract negotiator for the NFT (teacher's union). Whatever goes on now, however ugly this 'negotiation' has been, I know that my father was a man to be proud of when he went through it. He is a godly man of integrity. And I know how it felt during his strike, and how people treated us because of it. Months of no paycheck combined with people egging our house or calling at all hours to say rude things might have broken the resolve of a lesser man. My father was firm, and was willing to go to jail. In fact, when we got the call that the board had accepted the contract and a deal had been made, my father was getting dressed in a suit to go to court; a court where the judge had stated he would be sending them to jail if they did not go back to work.

Maybe times are different; maybe it's really the same fight all over again, I don't know. I don't really care. What I know is that I will not be a character assassin and tear down the teachers who educate my children. I know what it cost my father to stand up for he believed in.

So, moving on! It was lovely meeting all of A's teachers, and Tom was able to go with me, a rare treat. We had a few very surreal moments, like when a girl he had homeroom with came bustling in late, and he said it was just like old times. How funny that they spent years sitting next to each other and now their kids do the same, in the very same school. It was odd for me too, sitting in those same classrooms where I learned 23ish years ago. And A's gym teacher is the father of a boy who used to make fun of me in the lunchroom. He seems nicer than his son, thankfully. I was pleased to learn that they now teach them CPR and first aid, and that A will be CPR certified by the end of the school year. I liked what I heard in all of their presentations, about the importance of homework (compared to practicing a sport), and of building a community to teach the kids to respect each other. Kids are still going to be kids, but I like that the district is making an effort to reduce bullying.

Praying for a great school year for my kids and for a resolution between the teachers & the board. Thanks in advance, God!

He's asked me 7 questions in the time it took to post this

2011-09-15T14:11:00.002-04:00

I was mad at Tom for an hour this morning because he didn't call to explain why he was so late. He's usually home from work about the time I'm waking up. I knew he probably got hung up at work with some stupid emergency (translation: someone broke something that he has to fix) but I was still annoyed that he didn't at least call to mention that he wasn't dead.

I later remembered that they moved him back to day shift yesterday, so he wasn't late, he was at work like he was supposed to be. I then found this picture which explains why I'm irrational and crazy. So Tom, I forgive you.

Hurricane Irene

2011-09-14T07:29:00.000-04:00

So I had intended to post last week about the hurricane, and I know it's old news at this point. But I thought I would bore you with it anyway.

The brunt of the hurricane hit us overnight. It was a wild night for sure. I am not generally a nervous person, so even when the reports suggested extreme winds and rain, I wasn't really worried. I was chatting with friends on Facebook, all of us keeping tabs on what we were all seeing in our areas. Around 10:30pm it got more serious when a tornado watch was issued, and then a tornado warning shortly after. I was truly afraid, as we have no warning system here. I thought about what I knew about tornadoes, which isn't much. I decided to move my children downstairs and have them sleep in the living room. I told the big kids very little, just that the storm was pretty heavy and I'd feel better if they were closer to me. TC never woke up and I just put him on a quilt on the floor.

The power went out just before midnight. My friend Keri texted me a while later, complaining that there were noisy helicopters keeping her awake. (We realized later that it was the sound of many generators running in the neighborhood.) I had a hard time sleeping with the threat of tornadoes and wind damage.

{The crick that runs through the bottom of our neighborhood. This is a shot of our friend's back yard. The water reached their back patio.}

In the morning church was of course cancelled, so we decided to get out of the house and drive around to see how bad the damage was. Surprisingly, we didn't see a ton of storm damage in trees or houses, but there was high water everywhere.

{The levee along the Delaware River. You can see water being pumped over in huge tubes. One is from the crick and the other is from the storm drain.}

We got high winds at the tail end of the hurricane that arrived in the afternoon. This was when a lot of people began losing power, as trees lost their footing in water-logged soil and came crashing down. Tom helped a neighbor clean up when a tree fell in his yard.

We are so thankful to have come through the storm with no damage. We lost a few things in the fridge and that was it. The number of homes without power in our state alone was over 300,000, let alone all the other states affected. Our power came back on after only 15 hours. We were relieved because ice was hard to find, as most places had sold out quickly. (We're in the process of researching & buying a generator for the future. We seem to lose power every summer with storms, and then every winter with snowstorms.)

We had an earthquake a week before the hurricane, and have since gotten deluged with rain from Tropical Storm Lee, which flooded much of our area. Our friends who avoided flooding with Irene have since been flooded with Lee. They had at least a foot of water in their house. All the houses along that street now have huge piles of ruined furniture and rolled-up carpet at the curb as they clean up. I know that as Christians we are all thinking about what the Bible says about what it will be like in the last days. And truthfully, I cannot remember a single year of my life where we had so many natural disasters. The earthquake and tsunami in Japan were unprecedented. We had 'snowpocalypse', followed by a brutal tornado season, the east coast earthquake, and then these hurricanes that have brought massive flooding and destruction.

{Our favorite park under water from Lee.}

It's all a painful reminder of the need to spread the Gospel before it's too late. We can't know when the end of days will come, but Jesus told us to be mindful, to keep watch, and to tell others about Him. Complacency sneaks up once the sun is shining, and I don't want to forget the big picture. A friend of mine accepted Jesus as her Savior this past weekend, and I have been grinning and praising Him about it for days. It also encourages me to keep talking to others about my faith, since no matter what the weather, we don't want to waste any of the time we are given.

Random

2011-09-13T10:47:00.000-04:00

I saw a convertible Smart Car on the road this morning. I was actually afraid for the little guy in traffic. I felt like I was watching a preschooler cross a highway alone.

My four year old, who cannot read, can use the Wii like a pro, navigating menus and playing complicated games with no help. Yet he somehow expects me to believe that I need to brush his teeth for him because he can't do it.

E has his first real friend. He's had some kids before that he played with, but nothing that could be called a friendship. There is a boy from our church who has Asperger's that we have had over our house a few times. They are like peas in a pod! They get along really well, I guess because they have some of the same quirks and both share a love of video games. They have been on the phone the last few nights playing Roblox together. Last week at Stockade (Awana) E fell during a game and hurt his arm. Z stayed with him as he got ice and a band-aid. When a leader said Z could go back to the group while he took care of E, Z refused saying that E was his best friend and he would stay with him. I cried when they told me that.

Weight Watchers

2011-09-02T11:43:00.000-04:00

Debby has been gone six months. I've been thinking about her the past few days, finding that the passage of time has not made me miss her less, but has brought the peace that God promises.

Debby was one of those people who lived to serve others. She never married and had no children, so her church was the central focus of her life. She gave a lot, worked hard, and no doubt received the, 'Well done, my good and faithful servant' greeting upon entering Heaven.

The downside of this is that Debby didn't take care of herself as well as she should have. She was morbidly obese up until the cancer treatments began taking pounds from her. Having fought my weight for many years now, I know that struggle all too well. When my emotional pain overwhelmed me in my early 20s, I was not at a point where I was willing to drink at work yet. But I could eat. I would get takeout from a pizza place several times a week. A pizza was not enough, since I shared with a coworker. We would also order potato salad and fried side dishes like broccoli bites. I gained 70 pounds in a year.

I don't know what impact Debby's weight had on her health. She was healthy as far as I knew up until her breast cancer diagnosis. I know there are statistics that say cancer rates for the obese are higher. I don't know if this is true for her, and it doesn't matter in the end.

The good that I can take from this loss is that I have to take charge of my health. I must pursue the healthiest life that I can, in order to serve God the best I can. I must take Reckless Abandon seriously, and it was that which led me to join Weight Watchers. I hate having to rely on a method or tool to lose weight, but on my own I made no progress. But my Reckless Abandon plan means doing something that makes me uncomfortable now, in order to achieve my goals later.

I reached my first ten pound goal this morning, and it felt really good. Really, really good. I know Debby would be proud.

School Drop Off

2011-09-01T14:06:00.001-04:00

Every year I get cranky about dropping my son off at school. He's in 4th grade, so I'm sure by now my husband is tired of hearing me complain about this. The short version is that people quite frankly are morons and cannot grasp the concept of pulling up as far as you are able, stopping, letting your child out, and then leaving. This is not rocket science.

You do not need to get out of your car.
You do not need to exchange long and loving goodbyes. (Do that at home if you are seriously still that joined at the hip.)
You do not need to get out of your car and go into the school. I don't care what the reason is. That's what the parking lot is for.
You do not need to get out of your car to talk to another mom.
You do not need to put their backpacks in the trunk of your giant SUV or minivan, which then necessitates you getting out of the car & popping the trunk, or worse, using the auto-open/close feature, which you then have to wait for. Your little darling is able to keep their backpack with them in the car. Really. Unless you drive one of those ridiculous Smart Cars, you have room. Stop showing off the auto-open feature and move it.

Finally, I understand that your sweet little princess is the light of your life, and as such she can't possibly be expected to walk further than seven feet to enter the school. But here's the thing, she CAN. You do not need to wait to drop her off until you are directly in front of the doors. Nor do you need to stop the line halfway through the drop off circle and clog up the intersection next to the school. Move to the end of the circle if you have room, and drop off there. Your child WILL make it into the school without you. If they can't, then you need to think about cutting the cord. I'm just sayin'.

And if you don't have to deal with this situation as your kids are too young or they take the bus or you homeschool, let me assure you that this is not just me. I have found plenty of other mom bloggers ranting about this too....

Mom-Peeves: The Pick-Up/Drop-Off Zone at School

10 Steps to a Successful School Drop Off

Dropping off Kids at School – or my own personal H%#$%

10 Things parents dropping their kids off at school can learn from Jesus - This is a nice list of scriptures to use in application with the ridiculousness of the drop off line. If that doesn't clue you in to how frustrating this process is, then come over some morning and get in the car with me.

I also found post after post on all kinds of message boards where parents expressed total frustration and exasperation with drop-off at their school. The only helpful words I can offer are these: I also drive my 7th grader to middle school fairly often. And guess what? This problem does not exist there. People pull up, the kids get out and walk into the school, and the driver leaves. And at my daughter's school, there's only room for two cars to drop off at a time, and it STILL goes ten times faster than the elementary school line.

So take heart mamas, there is an end in sight! Until then, I promise I will try not to let this get under my skin for the entire school year. I know in the grand scheme of things, this is minor. I may need to write myself a reminder note and tape it my steering wheel....

Teacher Letter

2011-08-29T23:27:00.000-04:00

{TC eating a s'more on a stick, our new favorite treat.}

Tomorrow is the first day of school for my oldest two, and I just finished emailing E's new teacher. I am already very pleased that he is sound asleep, as last year he missed the first day after staying awake all night. A and I spent the afternoon finishing up what we weren't able to accomplish during the hurricane weekend (which I will blog about tomorrow). She now has new shoes, freshly cut hair and new earrings and I am at the top of the mother-daughter food chain. Wait, no, that sounds like I may eat her later. I just mean that she thinks I'm awesome.

TC doesn't start preschool for a few weeks, so I'm looking forward to some extra one-on-one time with him. He is such a super love bug right now that I could just eat - wait. Seriously, what is wrong with me, maybe I need a snack. Anyhow, he must tell me he loves me about seven times an hour. *swoon*

Weight Watchers is going well and I got some breathing room in a pair of jeans today. And speaking of jeans, hooray for the cool temps we got today! I do so wish that they would stay, although I know it's too early for that to happen.

So here's the letter. I liked this teacher when A had her, and my prayer has been that E would get the teacher that would be the best fit for him. He's been medicated for over a year now, and I'm really looking forward to seeing his growth as a student. The changes last year were amazing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mrs. B,
I wanted to send a letter to you to say hello and reintroduce myself and my son. You may remember that you had my daughter A a few years ago. My name is Shay and my son E will be in your class this year. We’re excited about 4th grade and looking forward to an enjoyable year.
E is bright and inquisitive, and loves to talk in detail about subjects that interest him. He has an amazing memory. He lives with me and his father, along with two siblings and various pets. He loves computer games and is an excellent problem solver. He loves to be a helper and being given small tasks.
E has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, commonly called ADHD. He takes a daily medication for this that helps him enormously. Still, you will see the disorder and I wanted to give you some information that may be helpful.
E can at times have great difficulty remaining seated or need to be given multi-step directions more than once.
Behavior charts, where E has to be accountable (with his participation in marking them) seem to work well for him. In the past his day has been broken down into 30 minute increments, with certain requirements for that time. Examples would be staying in seat, following directions, completing assignments, etc. This is of course just a suggestion, and you may find another approach more suitable.
E is a story-teller, and loves to tell tales in great detail. Sometimes you will find these are not true. We have been working on teaching him that it’s ok to be creative in story-telling, but that he cannot portray wild stories as reality. Mrs. KB has experienced this several times.
If E does not complete work during classroom time, we have found it ineffective to have him kept inside at recess, or sent to do the work with Mrs. KB or Mrs. O. E loves one-on-one time with adults as his captive audience, so this is more like a reward for him. Feel free to send uncompleted work home with him and we can work on it with him, or to handle it in another way of your choosing.
E does not make friends easily. He wants playmates, but frequently will talk another child to death and not realize that he isn't really having an interaction. He has participated in a social group with Mrs. O in the past.
E has good and bad days just like any other child. He sometimes will only need redirected once to stay on task, while other days may need multiple reminders. I know that we are of course quite biased, but he really is an amazing young man.
My email address is... My home phone is.... and my cell phone is... Please feel free to contact me at any time; I am at your disposal.

Many thanks,
Shay

Waiting.....

2011-08-27T18:26:00.000-04:00

So far we've had lots of rain since early afternoon, but nothing major. The wind is picking up...

Thanks, but no thanks.

2011-08-25T03:33:00.000-04:00

Non-drinker inundated with nosy questions

I found this little letter to Miss Manners and was thinking about my experiences with this. My friends and family know that I'm in recovery, so it's not too often that I'm either offered a drink, or questioned about why I don't drink. But honestly, it really doesn't bother me when either happens. I'm comfortable with who I am and where I am.

I was at a gathering recently and an acquaintance was having a glass of wine. We were chatting, and she suddenly remembered that I'm an alcoholic. She was apologetic, and felt very badly for not having considered my feelings before drinking in front of me. This is very sweet, but completely unnecessary.
I have come across this kind of thinking before, where people worry about tempting someone by drinking near them. I don't want to to sound snooty, as if I have my life all nailed down, but if all it took for me to go back to the hell of alcoholism was the mere presence of alcohol, I'd be screwed.

Years ago I was at a dinner for Tom's work, and one of the other wives offered 'helpful' advice that maybe I could drink again someday. I guess she thought that some time off would give me back control over alcohol. This is not only misguided, but very dangerous and stupid advice.

Alcoholism is not the only reason that some people choose not to drink. As mentioned in the link, there are other health issues (my husband has one) or family history that lead people to abstain. It's none of anyone's business why someone doesn't drink. I also find it silly when people try to convince me that I could drink again, or just have a little, or whatever other harebrained idea they've got. I know my friends are smarter than this, but if someone out there has ever had that thought, let me relieve you of it now. If your friend or loved one is an alcoholic, their disease already tries to convince them that they could drink successfully again someday. Please don't tell them that they are not an alcoholic. Even if they are wrong, it doesn't hurt them to think it and not drink. I have accepted that I can never drink again and other people need to accept that too, and let it go.

2011-08-24T09:59:00.002-04:00

I'm currently obsessed with Pinterest. I blame Janet. Here is my profile link if you want to see what I've been pinning....

http://pinterest.com/shayprendy/

Think about having a bulletin board where you tack up all the stuff you like. But multiply it by OCD and the internet, and you have Pinterest. Any time I find something I like online, I have a button on my browser to pin it. You can have a bunch of categories, such as funny stuff, foods I want to make, decorating ideas.

Here's something I pinned today. (click the picture for the recipe)

It's now saved on my Om Nom Nom board. If Janet, who I still blame, sees that I pinned this and likes it, she can repin it to one of her own boards, or just comment on it about how brilliant I am. So there's a bit of community fun built right in.

Some of my boards are very functional, such as the food one where I have pinned a ton of tasty looking Weight Watchers recipes. Other boards are just for fun, like the Mischief Managed board where I pinned a bunch of Harry Potter stuff that amuses me.
Enjoy, and happy pinning!

Overheard

2011-08-23T18:09:00.002-04:00

TC: "Mom, I want to watch Diego Diego Go Go!"

Me: TC, I told you not to jump on the couch.
TC: That's not jumping, that's hopping!

Just a reminder....

2011-08-12T22:34:00.000-04:00

In which I get stung & do not swear in front of my children

2011-07-28T23:36:00.000-04:00

I thought it would be a great idea to take the kids hiking today. You know, because it's hot and muggy and they are not addicted to all things with electronic screens. E was not down with this at all, voicing various concerns to me while also asking if he could bring his DS. I reassured him of how much fun it would be, nixed the DS and packed us a picnic lunch.

So we head out to the park, and I'm all, "This will be so much fun" and "We can keep track of what wildlife we see!" I spray us all down with the gnarliest smelling bug spray, you know the kind that makes you sticky but keeps away all vermin large & small, and off we go. We get sidetracked by the seventeen kid's day camps that have been bused into the park, but continue on our way. I manage to keep the boys from stepping in horse poo most of the time, while taking fanciful pictures.
About 15 minutes in, we are hot, sweaty & getting eaten alive. I don't know if it was all the rain the past few days, but that bug spray didn't do diddly. I called uncle and we turned around. I then felt something bite me on the back of my thigh and I yelped like a little girl. Whatever it was must have been up my pant leg, because I never found it, and it managed to nip me two more times before I killed it or it flew off in victory. Either way, it burned like heck, so maybe it was a sting and not a bite. I have an awesome first aid kit in my car that has bug sting wipes in it, so that helped, but I was all for going home at that point. I did go through with the picnic part, which was nice but short-lived. We went home and A and E both worked on their math packets with way more enthusiasm than I find natural. Perhaps the air conditioning was so wonderful to them that they were just glad to be indoors, even if it was to do summer homework. Which gives me an idea on how to get them to do chores more efficiently in the future....

The Death of Amy Winehouse

2011-07-25T10:02:00.004-04:00

I was incredibly sad to read of the death of Amy Winehouse. She became famous with her 'Rehab' song, and flaunted her refusal to go to rehab herself. She did, in fact, go to rehab four times, but each time checked out after a very short stay. She could clearly not get through Step 1 and it ultimately killed her.

Could Amy Winehouse have been saved? There are always accusations that the family or friends of a famous addict enable them rather than help them, in order to keep their own gravy train moving. If everything in this article is true, then this was not the case with Winehouse's entourage, in fact quite the opposite.

Russell Brand - "We have lost a talented, beautiful woman." I was very impressed with what Brand had to say here. I wish his sobriety had been an example that Winehouse followed. I liked what he had to say about the need for addicts to be treated not as criminals but as sick people who need care. Not that we shouldn't answer for our crimes, but that if the goal is to make someone a productive member of society, then jails & institutions are not the answer.

The 27 Club - I don't think I was ever aware of how many celebrities had died from their addictions at the age of 27. Oddly enough, I got sober just a month before my 27th birthday. Why that age is a turning point for so many of us, I couldn't say. It may be the amount of time that our bodies, minds or family can tolerate our disease. Whatever the reason, I'm thankful every day that I can live a sober life.

Overheard

2011-07-24T19:00:00.000-04:00

We have a LOT of road construction going on around our town lately. Yesterday I was nearly stuck on how to get back home, with one road being closed and another being a traffic jam. As I muttered to myself in the car about how in the world we were going to get home from WalMart, A quietly said, "We could apparate."

At a diner for dinner with the family. E ordered lemonade but the woman brought root beer by mistake
Me: E, do you want to have root beer instead?
E: Mom, I can't drink root beer! It has alcohol in it!

Hoggy Warty Hogwarts....

2011-07-20T10:48:00.001-04:00

I just bought tickets to the Harry Potter Exhibition at the Discovery Museum in Times Square for this Sunday. It's A's birthday present, but I don't know which of us is more excited!

Heather and I are taking A and her girls on the train (I told A she could pretend it was the Hogwarts Express) up to Penn Station and then walking from there. Tom and I just saw the last movie on Monday morning. A went with Heather to see it when it opened at midnight last Thursday. I'm sorry to see the series end, but I loved the way it concluded. I love a huge battle of good & evil, and it didn't disappoint.

Overheard

2011-07-19T22:22:00.000-04:00

TC: Look, Mom! I got a new silly band!
Me: Excellent, I look forward to vacuuming it up.

E: Mom, I can speak Australian.
Me: Oh yeah?
E: Yeah. G-day mate! Throw anothah ship on the bobby!

Soooo tired.....

2011-07-14T18:03:00.002-04:00

My friend Janet just posted a list of reasons why you know it's Thursday of Kidz Kamp week. She is so on the money with this. I'm so tired! It has been non-stop action all week, in addition to normal mom stuff, plus running A back and forth to skit team practice. The kids are pretty excited for the last day. We have a huge picnic after we close Kamp at 12:30. There'll be about 650 hot dogs cooked, a bounce house and a water slide, in addition to other activities.We have it easy on Snack Team tomorrow, I just have to fit 408 popsicles into the teeny tiny freezer in the church kitchen. We'll be there to help the Picnic Team cook & wrap the hot dogs, but it'll be nice to not be in charge of it.

I'll be back in a day or two with pictures!

Married Life

2011-07-14T07:00:00.001-04:00

{See the first Married Life post for explanation.}

Married Life

2011-07-13T06:00:00.000-04:00

{See the first Married Life post for explanation.}

Gram

2011-07-12T06:00:00.001-04:00

The kids and I spent a week in the country visiting family over July 4th. I hadn't been out there for 2½ years, which is way too long. It was good to see my Gram, but hard too. Alzheimer's sucks. Having her taken piece by piece is gruesome to watch.
That said, the visit was really wonderful. She's in a much more peaceful place now, and everything is new for her. Every sunset is the most beautiful she has ever seen. There is a childlike innocence to her life now, one that is oddly reassuring.

Gram with seven of her eleven great-grandchildren.

Kidz Kamp

2011-07-11T17:15:00.002-04:00

Man the spelling on that title hurts my head, but I'm not in charge of publicity. I'm in charge of snack this year, which sounds cute & fun, doesn't it? Yeah... umm..... If I volunteer for this again I may need my head examined. Or at least get a co-leader!

Our curriculum this year is Son Surf Beach Bash by Gospel Light.So far, so good! A is old enough now to help out, rather than attend. She's on the skit team, and also in the kitchen with me. The boys are exhausted after just one day. TC slept the last two hours on the couch and just woke a few minutes ago. He glared at me when I asked if he'd had a good nap, rolled over and went back to sleep. I'll have pictures to share in a few days.

Overheard

2011-07-07T06:30:00.000-04:00

TC: I'm a scientist of worms.
Me: Great. Now be a scientist of your lunch please.
TC: I am, I already activated it.

TC, talking about his big brother: E is my funky junk brother.

Married Life

2011-07-06T19:23:00.000-04:00

{See explanation in the first Married Life post.}

Married Life

2011-06-28T12:32:00.000-04:00

{See explanation in the first Married Life post.}

Sober Celebrities

2011-06-23T19:15:00.002-04:00

With all the negative publicity around celebrities and alcohol/drug addiction, I thought it would be nice to focus on some celebrities who are living proof that recovery is possible.

Ben Affleck - Sober going on ten years (August 2001)

Samuel L Jackson - Clean for 20 years

Paula Poundstone - Sober nearly 10 years.

Robert Downey, Jr. - Clean & sober for 6 years. "It's like I have a loaded gun in my mouth and my fingers on the trigger, and I like the taste of the gunmetal."

(pic from http://celebs.icanhascheezburger.com)

Rob Lowe - Sober for 21 years

Robin Williams

Russell Brand - Sober since 2003. On pre-sobriety life: "When that's your daily life, it's miserable"

Steve O - Sober 3 years. (friend and co-star of recently deceased Ryan Dunn, whose blood alcohol was twice the legal limit when he crashed his car)

Married Life

2011-06-22T23:59:00.000-04:00

{See explanation in the first Married Life post.}

Linen Closet

2011-06-19T08:00:00.000-04:00

Here is the evidence of how organized I am capable of being when I put my mind to it. I may never conquer the kitchen counter, but I won the battle on this linen closet.

Each shelf is labeled with the size of sheets kept there, so they don't get mixed up. I figured out how to fold fitted sheets a few years ago so they lay pretty flat. I don't know how to explain it very well, but I tuck the elastic corners into each other. (There are a ton of videos on this on YouTube.) Once the fitted & flat sheets are folded, I put them inside the matching pillowcase, and fold the case over so I have one big flat rectangle. That's what you're seeing in this picture: bed sheet bundles that have everything in one package. (Along with a towel shelf and blanket shelf.) Saves me a lot of time, and it was also a good excuse to get rid of all of the random single bedsheets that my mother has given me over the years. (I have no explanation for this.)

New Old Table

2011-06-18T20:47:00.001-04:00

A few years ago we were given this gorgeous table. We didn't have a place for it then, but I couldn't say no. It came from my great-Uncle Ord's house, and I'm hoping to find out soon if he just owned it, or made it himself. (I have some other furniture he made.) We finally got it out of the attic recently and put it in the breakfast room. It's old and worn and uneven and creaky and I LOVE it. We had a bench made for one side for the kids to sit on. I go and sit at this table every chance I have. There is something so country about it; it makes me feel like I'm back at my Uncle's farm. (Click the first picture to really get a feel for the magic of this table in full size.)

ADHD

2011-06-15T12:32:00.000-04:00

My friend Theresa has a great post up about ADHD, and her family's struggle to educate her daughter's teachers about this disorder. Lots of great insight into what our families go through.

ADD/ADHD Information

This & That

2011-06-15T12:26:00.000-04:00

New Sunscreen Rules: The FDA has new rules for sunscreen that will go into effect by next summer. Please remember to use sunscreen! Protect your health AND your looks! I don't want to look like a leather handbag when I'm 70. ;) The new continuous spray bottles work so well, covering & drying quickly. We use them for pool time with the kids because it dries quickly, preventing the wet seal effect once they're in the water. (Click the pic if you want a coupon.)(No they're not paying me to post this, lol, I just feel strongly about protecting our skin!)

Remember rotary phones?

Smart Mama

2011-06-15T08:36:00.000-04:00

{I don't do many email forward type messages, but this one is too good not to share.}

Mrs. Deluca comes to visit her son, Anthony, for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an email:

Dear Mama,

I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:

Dear son,

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

Love, Mama

Crap at my Parent's House

2011-06-14T17:00:00.000-04:00

I may have to create a label category just for this, but once again there is something on Crap at my Parent's House that my own parents actually own.

My parents have had this same set for as long as I can remember. I'm pretty sure my mother still uses them too!

Married Life

2011-06-13T08:03:00.003-04:00

Tom works crazy hours that are not only long, but can change without notice. Because of this, sometimes we can go days without having a real conversation. He isn't able to spend much time on the phone, and I don't want him missing out on what goes on at home. So I leave him Facebook messages pretty often.

Overheard

2011-06-12T07:00:00.000-04:00

Me: "You boys keep my life interesting."
TC: "A doesn't. She listens to you."

I see TC walking past me with his toy sword and Nerf gun, and he says "I'm going to do ultimate battle with the cat."

E: ‎"Mom, we're learning about persuasive writing. So I'm writing about wanting a hamster."

Happy Founders Day

2011-06-11T09:13:00.002-04:00

Dear 16 Year Old Me

2011-06-10T13:23:00.000-04:00

Please please remember your sunblock!

Dear 16 Year Old Me

Crabbypants

2011-06-09T21:40:00.000-04:00

This has not been my favorite week. Nothing terrible, just a slew of annoyances which I am not coping well with. Tom sick all weekend with gout, first with the pain of it's symptoms, and then with the digestive problems that come with the medication. So I was looking forward to spending some time with him on Monday morning before his afternoon nap & then leaving for his shift. (awful sentence structure, don't care) Unfortunately one of the bosses called him at 8:30am to tell him he was on modified second shift for the week, and he had to leave by 9am. I was less than pleased.

This schedule totally stinks, as he doesn't get home until about 9:30 at night, once kids are in bed, and I'm worn out and crabby. It also means he's working in the shop, which is hot and AC-less, so in this nearly 100° heat he's sweating to death in work pants and heavy boots.

On Tuesday I forgot my allergy shot appointment, so I called and they said I could still come in. On my way there, totally annoyed and distracted, I rolled through a stop sign and was promptly pulled over. A hundred and ten clams because I let my annoyance rule my driving. Argh. So I have traffic court to look forward to, unless I want to keep the three points that this violation comes with. Blerg.

Yesterday I vacuumed A's room, moved all her furniture, heated up water, and drug the rug shampooer upstairs. (I think it weighs about 912 pounds.) I plugged it in, and blew the circuit because it was also running two air conditioners and the tv. I went down, flipped the circuit breaker, went back up, plugged into another outlet, and started the job. I soon realized that although the motor was running, and suction was working, the sprayer was not, so none of the hot water and cleaning fluid was coming out. Complete fail.

I went downstairs to sulk and figure out my next step, other than having A sleep on the couch because I had leaned her mattress against the closet in order to move her bed, which I'm pretty sure the stupid cat has been urinating under. She is preparing to get in the shower, and goes upstairs. As she does, she trips, drops her glasses that she was carrying, and of course lands on them. You have got to be kidding me. I took them in today, and the part to fix them will take 10 days to come in. So she'll have them just in time for school to end.

I should back up and say that a few days before all of this drama, that I was feeling pitiful about something or other. I was in the kitchen, and leaned under the counter to stuff some cardboard on top of the paper recycling bin. I stood up into the corner of a cabinet. It hurt of course, but my pity party was what I remember more. I yelled at God, "Seriously?! Has this day not sucked enough?!"

Now I know, it's obviously not His fault that I forgot that we have had that cabinet in that same location for the entire time we have lived here. But it was really just about being tired of running a single mom style household, and feeling completely overwhelmed with life and ADHD and laundry and stink bugs. I went on to lecture Him about all the crap that had been hitting the fan, and how I felt like a complete failure and how I really needed Him to give me some kind of break right then.

So fast forward to yesterday, with the broken rug shampooer, and you understand why I was ready to just burn my house to the ground. I can handle big events much better than I can the small ones, evidently. I prayed here and there, a long chat with God about all of this, apologizing for my crappy attitude and asking for some insight.

He showed me what I needed to do, which is spend time with Him. I have a hard time in the summer, as my bible study ends for the season, and we don't make it to church often because we're at the campground. I count on those things to keep me in the Word, and in prayer with Him. They are my crutch, because I have not made it a priority to spend that time with Him on my own. I have all my excuses, and it's not that they aren't true. I do have to run this house on my own 90% of the time. And I do have a son with some special needs. And it is hard to find quiet time with the kids home from school all day. But it's not impossible. And I need to quit living like it is. I love my God. I love Him with all my heart. But my actions don't show that when I put Him on the back burner and make my lame-o excuses.

Thanks, God. And I'm sorry for my crankfest.

Rebound

2011-05-31T10:30:00.005-04:00

We had an extremely rough time with E last night. We were coming back from the campground and on our way up our street he saw that one of the neighbors was selling a mini-quad. He got very excited and wanted to go look at it. Tom told him he could, but also warned him that it wasn't something we would buy for him. We live in the suburbs; there is no place to ride something like that around here, nor would they appreciate that at the campground. He came back, talking about how much he wanted the quad. Tom again told him that it wasn't something that would work for where we live, etc. E ended up going to his room crying, very disappointed.

This escalated into HOURS of sobbing. He cried for at least the first hour about that quad. I told him that he was over-reacting, and needed to stop this. He then informed me that he wasn't crying about the quad anymore, but that he wanted to sell the game he had just gotten earlier at a thrift store, so he could buy a new game for his DS. I could tell we were descending into total madness at this point. He cried and carried on for another hour. I got him into the shower and found a tick in his hair. Needless to say that did not improve his demeanor.

In the meantime, he hadn't eaten since lunch and had refused dinner. By 9pm he was throwing up and we were trying to convince him to eat a few pretzels or crackers to get something in his stomach. He ate a few but threw up again, and could not be reasoned with.

I posted in a support group on Facebook and got some great responses. (Thank you, God for the internet!) One thing that was pointed out more than once was that he appeared to be rebounding. This is something I had read about ages ago, but because we didn't see this side effect on his first prescription, I had forgotten about it. Rebounding is simply symptoms that appear as the medication wears off, in addition to their ADHD symptoms returning. The person can experience all kinds of anxiety, anger, crying, etc. The group members suggested having his meds re-evaluated, and possibly adding something to help him during that transition time in the late afternoon. (His doctor had mentioned that a year ago as well.) So I'll be calling his doctor today to set up an appointment, and we'll see what he says.

The most helpful response I got was that I needed to view the situation as the Red Cross Vs. A Storm. I need to keep him safe, protect him, but I cannot stop what is happening. I need to focus on getting him through it and dealing with the emotional fall-out afterwards. I also need to keep myself in check, and be aware that these kinds of events with E are what triggers my own depression. I need to stay pro-active and remind myself that we will get through this.

My First Decade

2011-05-28T07:17:00.000-04:00

Today marks the tenth anniversary of my sobriety. It's still a bit surreal to me. My sponsor gave me my coin on Wednesday night. It felt so good to see the pleasure on her face as she handed it to me and hugged me.

The hard work paid off, and by the grace of God I'm a first timer. I make sure I tell people that when I share in meetings, not because I'm so fantastic, but because people who are new need to see that it IS possible to do this without relapsing. After his infamous relapse David Hasselhoff was quoted as saying that relapse was a part of recovery. He's wrong. Relapse isn't a part of recovery, it's a part of the disease. If you do the hard work you will stay sober. No one said it would be easy. But it's better than what you left behind, that's for sure. Sometimes it can seem harder to be sober, because it feels like you have more problems. You don't; it just seems that way because now you have to actually face life and deal with it, rather than medicating yourself and escaping.

There is no other feeling like this on earth. I am thankful. I am blessed.

The Dark Side of Air Freshener

2011-05-25T21:48:00.004-04:00

I follow a lot of pages on Facebook that feature deals and freebies. I'm forever signing up for a free sample of something or other, which is great for making me think that I somehow am generating income. (I got two packets of Truvia sweetener in the mail today, which has to be worth at least nine cents! Score!)

So I don't even remember requesting it, but somehow I got some free Glade samples last week. These weren't ordinary samples, however, but three full size bottles of air freshener and a motion sensor gadget with two refills. I was pretty stoked.

So I put the little canister thinger into the Sense & Spray thinger and put it in the bathroom. I walked out, I walked in, and a little puff of fragrance comes out. Lovely. This is an excellent product and I'm pleased. Fast forward a few hours, after A and I have watched Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows and then gone to bed. I get up to use the bathroom like the senior citizen I am, and I flip the switch as I'm going in. The light makes the sensor react before I'm even in the room, and it goes off. If you ever wanted to hear me shriek like a little girl, you missed your chance. Seriously, the little whirring mechanism was hardly noticeable during the day. But combine scary movie with unfamiliar creepy nighttime sound in an otherwise silent house and I'm coming out of my skin when I think something's growling at me.

At least my Clear Springs® scented bathroom smells awesome.

At Risk Moms

2011-05-25T08:27:00.001-04:00

A few years ago I sank into an 18 month journey with depression. It wasn't my first go-round with it, but it was my first time dealing with it in sobriety. I couldn't drink it away and had no idea what to do. At the encouragement of the nonblogging friend, I saw my doctor and started on an anti-depressant. The good news is that I did eventually come out of my depression. The bad news is that the medication did not help me, and a year later I was twenty pounds heavier (a side effect of the last prescription I tried) and still felt miserable.

I was talking to my sponsor one day and she asked me if I would be open to talking to someone, like a therapist. I said I wasn't opposed to it, but that I didn't see the point. I wasn't upset about anything, and I looked at the depression like a medical condition and nothing more. I had no idea what I was talking about.

The truth was that my ADHD son was at the heart of my problem. My overwhelming feelings of failure and inadequacy had led me into a hole I could not climb out of. I felt completely helpless to do anything for him. I wish I had read an article like this back during that dark time: ADHD Moms: Are we at risk?

Once I knew what was causing my depression, I was able to find ways out of it. I took my heartbreak to God time and again, and asked Him to show me the way. I am thankful to no longer feel that way anymore, but it took a lot of emotional work. I had to choose to accept what I could not do, but focus on what I could do and not let negative self-talk eat away at me. My son is never going to be cured, and he may never be like other kids. And that's ok. I love him, God loves him, and he will be ok. God has granted me that measure of serenity.

And I feel fine

2011-05-24T18:17:00.000-04:00

Dear Mr. Camping,
So the world didn't end, and we didn't get raptured. I wonder what you thought when time ticked by and you were still here. Maybe you'll return to your bible and try to recalculate, and insist that it's nothing to be embarrassed about, like you did the last time your prediction didn't come true.

The truth is that you are talked about in the bible.
At that time if anyone says to you, ‘Look, here is the Messiah!’ or, ‘There he is!’ do not believe it. For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. See, I have told you ahead of time. “So if anyone tells you, ‘There he is, out in the wilderness,’ do not go out; or, ‘Here he is, in the inner rooms,’ do not believe it. For as lightning that comes from the east is visible even in the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. ~ Matt 24:23-27

You have succeeded in making a mockery of Christianity. When people like you get on your soapbox, you damage the credibility of the Gospel. Many people will be so turned off by this date-setting nonsense, that they will completely discredit Christianity. Shame on you. It makes me sad to hear people making jokes about the Rapture. Sure, it's funny today because you're a big joke to them. But how can we get them to listen to us about the REAL Rapture, the one that will come one day? You've certainly made it more complicated. I pray for good opportunities to come out of this mess you have made, that somehow we can use it to spread the Gospel in spite of you.

I'm pleased to read about a church in California that is moving forward with compassion.
Pastor Jacob Denys of Milpitas-based Calvary Bible Church plans to wait outside the nonprofit's headquarters on Saturday afternoon, hoping to counsel believers who may be disillusioned if the Rapture does not occur.
"The cold, hard reality is going to hit them that they did this, and it was false and they basically emptied out everything to follow a false teacher," he said. "We're not all about doom and gloom. Our message is a message of salvation and of hope."

Jesus was clear that no one, not even Him, would know the time of His return. Only the Father knows. You're a charlatan. And not only that, your version of the Gospel doesn't even make sense. If you don't believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven, then why do you care when He returns?

After all the jokes are done and the hysteria dies down, we're left with the same reality we had before. Jesus loves you and wants you to know Him. It's not about rules. It's not about being god enough. It's about His gift and your acceptance of it.

NOTE: Since writing this, Mr. Camping has stated that he miscalculated again, but that the end is definitely coming this October. *facepalm*

Neo Update

2011-05-18T15:53:00.000-04:00

E has been using the Neo for a while and it's been a great tool for him. He brings it home frequently and we talk about what he's been writing. This is what he wrote today. (Tip: read it phonetically and you'll figure out what most of the words are.)

My Day 5/18/11
Today when I woke up I got dress then ate some sereol and got redey for skool I got unpakt and then did the plegolegints then went to speshel which was computer then did the dale5 then went to lunch and resees then did writing workshop then did math then I did stints I got to look at betas rollepolles and the crayfish then got pakte up and then went home did homework had diner at home to go to bed but I got a snak watid for my bruther to go to slepe before I code go to slepe.

The Neo is doing what we hoped it would. He can keep up with writing assignments and not quit out of frustration with handwriting. The spelling gets corrected later in the process, and he doesn't have to worry about lagging behind.

(And yes, the 'plegolegints' is my favorite, lol.)

Irony

2011-05-10T21:48:00.001-04:00

A friend of mine sent this picture to me and I had to laugh. I told him, "Ha! They don't scare me, my life is already like that!" Dog? Check. Hyperactive child? Check! Now I just need to find a store with this sign and drop my kids off. ;)

The Best Elevator Ever

2011-05-09T18:56:00.000-04:00

This made me smile.

Mother's Day

2011-05-07T12:00:00.000-04:00

I have fond memories of the Mother's Day Tea that Miss Debby would always hold at her daycare & preschool. The kids would parade in and sing songs praising their mommies. Debby would encourage them to sing so sweetly, and then to go sit with their mothers for cookies and tea. Most of us would shed a few tears of joy and appreciation. The children would present us with handmade place-mats and trinkets. This was one of the events I knew I would really miss when we chose to put TC in a different preschool. I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I'm glad I won't have to be there for it without her this year. It's hard enough as it is.

I am beyond grateful for the gift of motherhood. As I said a few years ago, we had a bumpy road but not as hard as others, and ultimately ours led to three sweet babies. (If you weren't following me in 2008, please go read that post. It's a big piece of my heart.)

When we were trying to conceive the first time I naively thought it would happen right away. Over the months my heart broke a little more with every negative test. As we neared the end of that first year, I was in disbelief that we might need help to become pregnant. Tom and I were visiting my mother's family for Thanksgiving, and I was waiting until we got home to test. I dreaded getting another negative, but at the same time I expected it. As we were exiting the turnpike I suddenly saw a rainbow. Not a full one, just a small piece, nearly hidden in the clouds. I felt like God was speaking to me, telling me that He had not forgotten me. I dared to hope.

When we got home I didn't even stop to bring in any bags, but went straight to the test and took it. I was in complete shock when it was positive. Positive?? After a year of trying. A year of tears and frustration. A year of alternating between shaking my fist at God one day and begging Him to give me a baby the next. Nine months later, A was born.

When A was about eighteen months old I was delighted to find myself pregnant again. How could it happen without any effort? I felt like God was giving me a generous gift, not making me go through that struggle again. The long story about that pregnancy can be found if you click on Losing Lily. (Read from the bottom up.) The short and devastating story is that we lost that pregnancy, and I lost one of my fallopian tubes as well.
With such a rocky history, we had no idea what to expect if we tried again. We were afraid, but we really wanted another child, so we risked it. I really couldn't believe it when we got pregnant right away. We still had to go through the confirmation process, however, which was nerve-wracking. Tom and I both felt like I was a time bomb waiting to go off. I had blood drawn and then drawn again a few days later to monitor my hormone levels. The results had us over the moon: my levels had more than doubled and we were overjoyed. They did an ultrasound just to be sure, and we were just able to see the tiniest little peanut with a fluttering heart. E was born after what felt like a year later, as I went to 42 weeks. I spent a night in the hospital at 35 weeks with contractions that seemed to give the baby an irregular heartbeat. Otherwise the extra-long pregnancy was uneventful. E was born all wrapped up in his cord, which explained the heartbeat issues.

A few years later I knew I still wanted more children. I had always planned (ha!) to have four children, but I was hoping at that point for three. After 8 unsuccessful months of trying I was at an emotional low. I was eating to soothe myself, and put on twenty pounds during that time. I just couldn't understand why it had to be so hard. I went back to my doctor who suggested we try Clomid and an HSG.

The HSG is not fun. It's a diagnostic test that I found to be excruciatingly painful. It felt like labor pain. As they injected the dye and tried to get good x-rays, the technician asked several times which side I still had a fallopian tube on. My heart sank, as I saw the screen above me and knew what the results would be. I wanted to throw up. This couldn't be the end of my journey, could it? I sat on the table afterwards and cried, even as my doctor assured me that it could still happen for us. He encouraged me to finish the Clomid for that cycle, but did warn me that if it didn't work, I was now beyond his expertise and would have to see a specialist. Tom and I had agreed ahead of time that we didn't want to go through IUI or IVF, so if this didn't work, we were done. I could hardly bear it.

A few weeks later, when I took my last ever pregnancy test, I was completely stunned when I saw that faint second line. I literally fell to my knees on the carpet and sobbed and thanked God. I had no fear of another ectopic and went through the confirmation testing with confidence. TC was born that fall with the faintest breath of red hair, and the same blue eyes of his siblings.

God has been so gracious and generous to us. I am painfully aware of what it can cost you to have children, but also that my story has a happy ending. I have friends who have walked a much more painful and lengthy road that did not end happily. My heart breaks for them. I think of them this Mother's Day. I will celebrate my own mother, and my children will celebrate me. And for my friends, I will pray that God would comfort their hearts.

Katy Perry

2011-05-04T08:53:00.001-04:00

Katy Perry: Strick Christian upbringing kept me from having a childhood

This makes me sad. The crazy legalism of her parents pushed her further from a faith with God, instead of closer. Where was grace in her childhood? Where was the love of God? It doesn't sound like they ever taught her about that.

My sister saw her in concert years ago when she was performing as Katy Hudson. She was disappointed when Katy turned from God and began a scantily clad Hollywood singing career. Reading this article, I can see why she did. And I can't blame her. I would run screaming from parents who wouldn't even let me say 'deviled eggs'. What kind of lame nonsense is that?

I am putting Katy Perry on my prayer list, that God would send someone to witness to her about a real relationship with God, one filled with love and mercy and forgiveness. Someone who will serve her deviled eggs with a smile and tell her about how much Jesus loves her.

Blessed

2011-05-02T07:00:00.000-04:00

Tom took the kids camping this weekend. I was under the weather so I stayed home. When they came home E was the first to come and hug me and load me up with stories about the campground. He left the room and came back with something hidden behind him. He told me all about A giving him money so he could play the machine with the claw so you could get a stuffed animal. He then pulled out a stuffed sting ray and said that he had won this just for me. He handed it to me and beamed when I thanked him and hugged him. A little while later he wrote 'I love you' on the DS and showed it to me. I didn't let him see me cry.

This is the stuff that carries me through the hard days with him. He is beautiful and hilarious and brilliant. He's so amazing. I'm so blessed.

Mad Hatter Addendum

2011-05-01T11:27:00.000-04:00

Ok I'm a dork, but this really made me laugh.

The Mad Hatter

2011-05-01T07:33:00.000-04:00

I didn't watch the Royal Wedding. I'm not sure what the numbers are on how many Americans really watched it, but I do find the obsession with 'royalty' to be a bit peculiar. (Didn't we fight a war with them in order to get away from monarchy rule? That rings a bell.) I do enjoy a good fancy wedding, although I personally hate attending them as I feel expected to wear a dress, barf.
What has really struck me has been the flood of reaction to the hat worn by Princess Beatrice. I'm sure by now you've seen it, but here it is.

You can't really miss it. There is even a Facebook page dedicated to it: Princess Beatrice's ridiculous Royal Wedding hat. Some of the comments are supportive, but most are critical. Some go so far as to say that she wore it selfishly to draw attention to herself on someone else's special day, or that it's demonic. Seriously? It's. A. Hat.
This isn't the first wild hat that Beatrice has worn, as this slide show reveals. But honestly, people need to get over themselves. First, there is a huge cultural difference between the US and England. Seriously, these people drink tea more than coffee, which I'll never understand. But more to the point, they like to wear crazy hats. And I think it's awesome. I'm all for the free spirit, and self-expression. And let's remember that she's a kid, she was born in 1988 for crying out loud.

You do your thing, Beatrice, and pay no mind to the haters.

Drama Queens

2011-04-30T14:01:00.000-04:00

A few months back my daughter was at the home of a friend with some other classmates. They were hanging out in the yard, being goofy as tween girls normally are. One said something jokingly to another, the other took it the wrong way and went inside to get her mother involved. The mother blasted out the front door, screamed at the girls, cursed at them and told them all the go home.

This is not normal. I don't care what was said, I don't care if someone had their feelings hurt. These were 11 year old girls having a misunderstanding. This is not normal adult behavior. I told A at the time that I believed the mother was watching too much 'reality' tv and thought this was just how people behaved. (And by 'reality' tv I mean shows that are billed as 'Real' but are scripted & the players are encouraged to act out to get attention.

I was just reading this post about Kurt Vonnegut and his explanation of why people crave drama. It makes complete sense to me. So I won't say that reality tv is causing this kind of behavior, but that it certainly adds to it. And I think it contributes to the divorce rate as well, as people think that marriage is all about hearts and stars and flowers, when in reality it's a lot of day to day LIFE together, with bills and groceries and dog poo. If you get married (or have kids or start a career) and think that it's going to be like some fantastic movie scene every day, you are delusional. Adjust your expectations to real life, not 'reality' life.

New Do

2011-04-28T22:26:00.003-04:00

I'm pleased to report that I cut off my hair again. I have crazy thick disobedient hair and it had to learn its lesson. And yes that is an old fire alarm on the wall of my breakfast room.